5 things never say during the argument with your partner, the therapists say
How many of them have you said?
It is inevitable that you and your partner will discuss from time to time. It may be something small, as it is supposed to do the dishes that night, but when emotions improve, fights can reduce a little deeper. However, no quarrel must turn into a total fight - and regardless of the size of an argument, thinking what you say Before saying, it can prevent your words from worsening things.
Even during an argument (and perhaps above all), it is important to remember that your feelings and your partner must be heard and affirmed. If things heat up, it is normal to step back and reprimand yourself so that you can collect your thoughts before returning to a space where you are ready to speak.
Better life Speed up with therapists, who have shared certain things that you should never say when you argue your partner. Read the rest to find out what words or sentences to avoid the next time you and your beloved you will find heads.
Read this then: 8 "small but toxic" things to stop telling your partner, according to the therapists .
1 "You exaggerate."
Invalidate statements like "you do excessively", "calm down" or "it is not so serious" can quickly add unnecessary fuel to the fire. Lee Phillips , LCSW, certified sex therapist and couple , explains that even if you cannot agree with your partner that something is a big problem, it is important to look at things from their point of view - and validate their feelings is a way of doing so.
"With this process, you could even discover that you can find a solution together, where no matter whether you are right or wrong ... The underlying pain is what should really be treated," she said. "It is essential to listen to your partner without letting your own feelings take over."
Natasha Deen , LCPC, owner and therapist at Golden counseling in gold , add that these sentences can be disdainful and condescending. "Your partner can become defensive or be injured, because it may seem that you do not care about what makes them upset."
2 "You are a # [Protected by e-mail] !%. ""
Throwing hurtful words can occur in the heat of the moment, but it is best to try to avoid insults. Shout and curse your partner or say things like "you are an idiot" ultimately creates a fairly hostile environment. "This can also create a power dynamic where you have the power that is harmful to your partner by moving them," explains Deen.
When insults come into play, your partner can try to disseminate the current situation, rather than focus on the problem that caused the argument, which will only prolong everything else. If your first instinct is to lift mud, you may want to step back from the discussion.
3 "I never said that."
Denying your partner's experience can feel gas lighting , which is not only manipulator, but is a form of emotional violence that makes its victims crazy. Address each other like this one will only intensify your emotions and put you both on the defensive, explains Phillips.
"In other words, you tell your partner how to feel, or assume that they feel a type of emotion," she said. If you and your partner cannot stop beard each other, it may be advantageous to request professional help.
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4 "You always ___" or "you never___"
Extreme statements almost always lead to defensive responses. After all, most of the time, these things are not true - and such harsh generalizations do not leave much room for real feelings and an honest communication. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
Deen rather recommends using "I" instructions, like "I feel ___, when you ___", instead of attacking your partner. "This indicates more clearly what is the problem, without blaming anyone, and communicates more effectively what you feel," she explains.
Read this then: 7 signs of body language which means that your partner cheats, according to the therapists .
5 "We should just break."
If you don't really think, threatening to end the relationship during a fight is a bad idea. Over time, he sends a message to your partner that you no longer want to be in the relationship.
"It makes it difficult for your partner to believe that you will stay," says Deen Better life . Choosing to follow the lane of the threat of rupture also shows that you run away when things become difficult, rather than taking the time to really recognize the problem.
Phillips adds that your body language is also essential here. "I recommend not to fold my arms, turn away, move away, roll your eyes or take your phone when your partner speaks to you," she said.
