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According toNational Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), one in three women and one in four people experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. What constitutes "domestic violence" is often debating, but experts say that everything is asked a question: is your house a place of comfort and safety, or one in which you always feel isolated and intimidated? If it's the latter, it is important to know that there are many ways to seek help, regardless of how it may seem impossible.

"Often, victims have trouble reaching help because of fear, shame and isolation," saysJoseph Hoelscher, a lawyer of the Criminal Defense and Family Learning OfficerHoescher Gebbia CEPESEDA In San Antonio, Texas. But no one deserves to live in fear. Read to find out how you can get help if you are mistreated, whether mentally or emotionally.

It can be too easy to apologize for an abusive behavior of a partner or convince yourself that things are not all bad. So the first step for getting help is to recognize that you are in an abusive relationship.Mayra Mendez, a certified psychotherapist atChild Development Center and the Saint John Providence Family In Santa Monica, California, said that an abusive relationship is a relationship in which "a partner tries to control the actions, behaviors, thoughts or feelings of another" by means of "coercion, threats, violence physical, sexual pressure, demoralization, or condemnation. "

According to Mendez, other red flags include "isolation, alienation of others and the exclusion of the community, friends and family"; an interactive style "explosive, impulsive and intimidating"; And the trend to "Aries, call call, criticize, shame and humiliate others".

People who are abusive are often higher experts and are adequate to make you feel like something you said or have "hurting you. Difficult that it can be, it is crucial to realize that it is a tactic of manipulation.

"Do not explain the negative behaviors of the partner," says Mendez. "Do not take ownership of the drift and degradation points. Share experiences with friends and trust family that will affirm your value and help you understand that you are not the problem and you put the Others momentarily gives him a feeling of power and control. "

"Domestic violence is generally not a point, but an abusive behavior structure occurs in a persistent way over time and can last years," says Mendez. In addition to understanding that you should not blame, you must realize that "you are not responsible for changing the behavior of the abusive partner".

In an abusive situation, the only power you have is power over yourself, but it is the only power you need. "Affirm your power to decide to live in an environment of domestic violence", note Mendez. "And your well-being and well-being above a false belief that the relationship is worth holding because you can change the behavior of the aggressor."

Mendez says it's important to "be aware of how you feel and own your thoughts and actions. If the relationship does not feel equitable, it is probably not a viable or healthy relationship. Have confidence in your existence and know that you are valuable and contributor equal to the relationship. ... Know that you do not have to succumb to someone else's control. "

"The first thing to do victims of domestic violence must do, it's reaching a plea center by calling onNational Hotline of Domestic Violence At 1-800-787-7233, "Hoelscher said. Victims of sexual assault can callStormy at 1-800-656-hope. If you are dealing with sexual abuse, Hoelscher also suggests reaching the nearest handCrisis centeras an additional resource for support and advice.

Finally, he adds: "Victims should be cautious to delete their browser history or using incognito mode or the equivalent if there is a chance that someone can see their history [web browser] and hurt them. "

Tell someone you can be a challenge because no one wants to be considered a victim. But it is important to realize that it is better than the alternative, which hurts or even death for yourself and possibly your children, if it applies to you.

In addition, for those who suspect that someone in their lives takes care of the violence at home, Hoelscher says, you must be afraid to ask someone who seems confronted if they need help. "It notes:" At this moment, a major trend is to train natural caregivers for children to better recognize the trauma of the child, which even happens as a spectator of domestic violence - so that teachers or Other caregivers can start the help process. "

One of the worst things about domestic violence is that it often does not only concern you, but also those you love - of your children to your pets.

Daniel Ryan Kavish, an assistant professor of sociology and criminal justice in the southwestern University of Oklahoma, said "some women can stay in an abusive situation because they fear the safety of their animals. company". According toNcadv71% of pet owners entering domestic violence shelters report that their abuser had threatened, injured or even killed their pet. And almost 50% of the victims delayed to leave their abuser for fear of what would happen to their pet.

The national hotline of domestic violence can help you locate a shelter that allows pets. But there are also organizations likeRedourging, which provides financial assistance to victims of domestic violence and their pets. They can also temporarily help distribute pets while you return to your feet.

"The exit of the relationship increases the possibility of four-occasional lethality," saysTHIS ANDERSON, a licensed therapist and the author ofLoveTAPS: red flags of an aggressor and how to get out. "The victim is more risky at death at this time that any other time in the relationship. This requires security planning. Designating a person of trust that the aggressor does not know, nor can not locate. Keep copies of Important documents, cash money, keys a safe. "

ThisAPP QuimentsVoice Allows victims to record incidents in a way that can be used before the Court and provides additional resources and support. "Before being advanced to report what happened to you, it's about surviving"Bruyère Glogolich, a police lieutenant and surviving domestic violence who co-created the application, saidNj.com. "An application like this would have been the life of life for me."

Many victims are reluctant to call the police because they fear they do not believe them. CornZachary C. Ashbya lawyer atAshby Law In Washington, said it is important to make a police report, for legal reasons, regardless of how the application of the law meets your complaint.

"It is important that if there is physical evidence, this is documented," says Ashby. "It means images of bruising, a damaged property or anything along these lines. Its version of events should also be relayed to the font, as close as possible as possible when it happens. ... It's important to do this official record. "

Anderson adds that "you do not have to support the expenses to document the incidents - the aggressor will not be informed."

That said, if you want to take legal action, Ashby says the first step is to apply for a protection order. "A protection order is a powerful tool," he says. "In most cases of domestic violence, the police arrives and must assess the best way to keep peace and prevent damage. It is often a very difficult task. Victims can defend the authors - such as the dynamics of Domestic violence. But with a protection order, the law enforcement work is easy. It provides a black and white rule that the police can apply. The command says you can not be 100 feet. If you are 90 feet, you are under arrest. "

"A difficulty that people are that they do not think they have enough evidence or no one will believe them," says Ashby. "In fact, many authors tell their victims in the abuse cycle."

He notes that "if a judge believes that a presumed victim is credible ... You do not have to have photographs, witnesses or text messages. You need to tell the story." And for a personal testimony of a survivor, readThis bride did a superb photo of solo photo on her marriage after calling it.

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