Good Lifestyle

You no longer remember when it was the last time you could go to the hairdresser, or you are the only one who takes his girlfriend to the bar to see the football game, or have spent all day sending text messages, counting to what snacks they ate, and now that they are at home they no longer have to talk about. If anyone (or two, or the three) of these scenarios makes you familiar, you are likely to be in a controlling relationship. This is what you should know about the "suffocating love" and what to do to avoid it.

Control, no love

An suffocating relationship is characterized by the domain of time and attention of the other person. Often implies excessive communication, lack of personal space and the violation of the limits themselves. Many people have grown with the belief that if their partner controls them and Cela is because he loves them and cares. There are even cultures where possessivity is accepted and encouraged. But the reality is that wanting to control someone's life is not love, but lack of trust either in oneself, in the other person or in the relationship as a whole. And such a relationship is almost always condemned to failure.

Alert signals

Sometimes, being in love blinds us to possible red flags and this leads us to accept behaviors and impositions that do not agree. These are 8 signs that your relationship could be based on suffocating love and controller:

• You have no personal space: you can no longer go out without your partner, or visit your friends or relatives, or check your phone or your belongings. Whatever, you feel that you are no longer your own person.
• You lie more often: subconsciously you are looking to get away from your partner, so you start telling lies like you should get out of work. The only thing you are looking for is to have time alone.
• Your partner is dependent: you are constantly looking for your affection or approval, and you feel that you cannot do anything without you. Therefore, he "sticks" to you in everything you do.
• It makes you feel bad: if you have to do something without your partner, such as a work trip to which you cannot take you, it will manipulate you to make you feel that you do not strive to spend quality time together.
• Your day is a report: we all like to receive a text message from time to time to know that our partner thinks of us, but if you have to spend all day answering messages and informing what you are doing, that is no longer love.
• Irrational jealousy: Your friends, your family, your work, your hobbies ... anything that does not involve your partner represents a competition.
• Try to change or isolate yourself: You stopped doing things on your own to avoid problems. Don't leave with your friends. You started practicing activities that you don't like. You start dressing or combing how your partner wants you to do it.
• It is responsible for everyone to know: a form of control in this modern era that many ignore is to ventilate their relationship on social networks. Your partner uploads states, stories or publications asking for "advice" of relationships or with indirect phrases, or even photos of you two that you did not give permission to publish. It is a new way of controlling and "letting the world know" that you are from your "property."

Freedom is necessary

Not being able to take a step without informing your partner is not only strenuous, but in the long run it affects the relationship. Zulmarie Padín, coach of life and therapist based in Miami, United States, explained in an interview for the Telemundo chain that the distance is necessary to maintain interest and attraction, and to maintain good mental health of the couple. When there is a release and the limits are respected in the relationship, this allows each person to pursue their interests, maintain their identity and provide unique experiences, ultimately encouraging greater happiness and durability.

How to avoid suffocating?

If you recognized some signs in your relationship or you simply want to have the tools to avoid these problems with your next partner, these are XXXX things you can do so that in your relationship love reigns, not control.

• Establish clear limits: we all have our "list" of things that we like and do not like, what we can compromise and what not. It is preferable that all this is clear from the beginning. For example, that you need to go out with your friends at least once a week. This will help them respect their limits and needs.
• Prioritize your personal time: it is true that love can lead us to want to be with the other person all the time, but do not let this move you away from your personal time. Keep your interests and hobbies and respect your own. This contributes to the relationship not to become dependent and suffocating.
• Communicate: although many say doing it, nobody really knows how to read minds. Couples must maintain open communication to evaluate their needs and demands. Not only are things clear, but at first, it will help them determine whether they can accept it or not.
• Learn to negotiate: Sometimes, the limits can be folded depending on situations and context. Couples should know how to negotiate to bring the relationship along the way and that the decisions they make do not tend to always favor only one of the parties.
• Look for help: the most successful couples often have an ace under their sleeves: they go to therapy. Before it was believed that seeking professional help was a step that took place before the end, but the reality is that they should not wait to drown to have support. Rather, this can give them tools for a lifetime.

Last resort

If your partner refuses to change their controlling behavior despite applying the above recommendations, such as communicating better and establishing limits; Or if you do not see changes after going to the therapy, or the situation begins to become violent and unpredictable, then unfortunately it is time for you to consider the relationship. Remember that your mental health should always be your priority and control that disguises itself as love is not worth risk.