Good Lifestyle

Toxic parents Come in several forms. Some are vindictive. Some are self -centered. And some try to control your life. Having a controlling parent can have a significant impact on your self -confidence, and this can also make you more difficult to pursue your goals, your dreams and your interests. Ken Fierheller, a psychotherapist recorded at One Life Counseling & Coaching , says that having a controlling parent can not only limit your growth, but also lead to feelings of failure, insufficiency and helplessness.

"Over time, this can contribute to anxiety, depression and a decreased feeling of identity when you have trouble developing a strong and self-independent sense," he explains.

According to Sandra Kushnir , an approved wedding and family therapist and founder / CEO of Counseling Meridian , having a controlling parent can also make you difficult to establish healthy relationships for adults due to difficulties with confidence and insurance.

The good news is that there are measures that you can take to limit the negative impact on your mental and emotional health. Here are the best tips for therapists to cope with a controlling parent.

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The first step to manage a controlling parent is to recognize their problematic habits.

"A controlling parent can try to interfere with your work or your relationships or monitor your bank accounts or digital devices," explains Fierheller. "They may have unrealistic expectations or standards, such as constant communication. They can even call the police when you are inaccessible for a few hours or insist to attend job interviews with you."

According to Kushnir, the control behavior often subtly starts - say, making strong recommendations on whom you must be friends or file your clothes choices. This is how a controlling parent begins to break down your self -esteem and your confidence in your ability to make good decisions without advice.

Once you can recognize that you have a controlling parent, the next step is to start bounds with consequences.

"The fixing of the limits with a controlling parent implies clear communication and consistency," explains Fierheller. "Start by identifying unacceptable behaviors and calmly express these limits to your parents."

For example, if your parent expects to be able to contact you while you are at work, you can try to say: "I understand that you want to contact me, but I don't have my phone while I am at work , so I will not be accessible.

There is no guarantee that a controlling parent will not try to push your limits, but remains firm.

"Remember that it is normal to prioritize your well-being, and you are not a bad person for having put you first," explains Fierheller.

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"Learning to assert yourself is the key to managing a controlling parent," said Kushnir. "This could calmly express your needs and desires, as saying:" I understand your point of view, but I prefer to manage this in my own way. ""

When your parent has a simpler control behavior, Kushnir recommends saying: "I really appreciate your concern and your desire to help, but I must make this decision by myself and I am comfortable with everything that happens. "

"This helps to create an emotional distance and strengthen your right to autonomy," she explains. "Training in affirmation can strengthen your self -esteem And help you communicate more efficiently without aggression. ""

If this helps, you could consider practicing your script on a friend before facing your parents.

Small but significant habits like sleeping enough, getting involved daily breath Or meditation, or spend quality time with a friend can go very far, explains Kushnir.

"Prioritization of self-cobs can help alleviate the stress and the emotional assessment of dealing with a controlling parent," she said Best life . "Personal care promotes resilience and helps maintain your mental health."

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"Start taking small steps towards independence to strengthen confidence and reduce parents' control," advises Kushnir. "For example, making personal decisions concerning your daily routine or planning outings with friends without requesting approval can be stimulating. Over time, these actions strengthen your ability to manage your life and make independent choices. ""

Fierheller suggests limiting your parents' involvement in your health care and finances.

"You may want to make sure that your health care providers are aware that your parent is unable to access information about your health, unless it is an emergency or take / Modify / cancel appointments on your behalf, "he says. "Also, make sure that your bank account is accessible to you.

Jennifer Kelman , A Approved clinical social worker And Justanswer The therapist, says it is important to be aware of the amount of information you relate to a controlling parent.

"Sharing is not always the best course because it can invite unjustified opinions," she explains.

For example, if you know that your parent is very special about how you spend your money, you could keep a big recent purchase for you. Or, if they tend to get too involved in your relationships, they may not be the best person to evolve on your marriage problems.

Instead, experts say it's a good idea to build the rest of your support system. If you maintain close friendships and / or relationships with other family members, you will have many other people to go for advice and emotional support.

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Depending on your relationship with your parent and his desire to take responsibility for his actions, you may want to communicate with them about how their behavior affects you.

"Their interference could be so natural for them that they are not even aware of the negative impact," said Kelman. "Talk about how their control habits make you feel rather than attacking them for their ways." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

For example, you could say: "Hey mom, when you try to jump and tell me how to manage something without me asking for help, it gives me the impression that you do not think that I am capable or do not Do not trust me.

Remember, however, that you do not need to confront your parent on each behavior control body at the moment - in fact, trying to do it will probably only be exhausting for you. This is why Kelman recommends choosing your battles.

"Break, breathe deeply and SO Choose if it is worth solving this problem, "says Kelman.

According to Prierheller, working with a therapist can be particularly useful if you have trouble setting limits with a controlling parent.

"Building with a therapist or joining a support group can provide a safe space to express your feelings and gain in perspective," adds Kushnir. "For example, therapy sessions can help you explore the roots of the dynamics of your relationship and develop adaptation strategies. External support systems are essential to validate your experiences and reduce feelings of isolation."

If your parent is ready to follow therapy with you, Kelman also suggests looking for a mental health supplier specializing in family dynamics. In family therapy, you and your parents will have a neutral space to unpack any current problem, cure your injuries and obtain impartial advice from a professional on how to develop greater confidence and greater respect in your relationship.

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