Good Lifestyle

Ask couple therapist What is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and they will probably say communication. In long -term relationships, however, communication often falls on the edge of the path due to busy schedules and other priorities or responsibilities. This is where relationship recordings come into play. These sessions allow you and your partner to share what works - and what is not - in your relationship. And according to approved therapists, this little habit can really save your wedding.

"Especially when you live together, it is so easy to get caught in life," said Christine Devore, Psyd, a clinical psychologist approved at Birch psychology . "You spend a lot of time together, but you don't have time to intentionally . ""

So how can a relationship recording improve your wedding? And how can you have a productive, informative and, above all, respectful conversation? Read the rest for an overview of the experts on the reasons why the recordings are so beneficial and what you can do to create a safe space.

In relation: 7 words of affirmation to ensure that your partner feels loved .

What is a relationship recording?

"A recording of relationships is a programmed or spontaneous conversation between the partners where they discuss the state of their relationship," explains Rachel Goldberg , LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg therapy . "The purpose of this verification is to assess how things are going and identify all areas that may need attention or improvement. It is an opportunity for both partners to share their feelings, their concerns and their comments safe and constructive. "

According to Rainier Wells , LMHC, a approved therapist In Grow Therapy, these discussions can cover a wide range of subjects, divide household work and have a more fulfilling sex life to cut more time. During these checks, you can assess your satisfaction in different areas of relationship, such as confidence, communication, intimacy and romance. You can also express specific needs or desires, or face your partner about something that bothers you.

The planning of a recording can be advantageous because it allows the two partners to bring together their thoughts and to prepare emotionally for the discussion, explains Wells. If you don't plan one in advance, you will first want to ask your partner if he has the bandwidth and energy to talk about your relationship before disseminating anything.

These checks can last from 10 minutes to an hour or more. It all depends on the unique needs of your relationship at any time. You may notice that if you can perform more frequent checks, you can keep them shorter.

In relation: 5 things you don't send to send sms to your partner that therapists say you should be .

The advantages of a relationship recording

"A recording of relationships serves as a proactive communication approach," explains Jessica Lamar, LMHC, co-founder in Bellevue trauma recovery center .

When you and your partner do not take a dedicated time to discuss the quality of the relationship, it is easy to sweep the small problems under the carpet. But these problems can quickly snowball in growing resentments and other more destructive problems. This is much less likely to happen, however, when you have the possibility of regularly expressing your needs and concerns.

A relationship recording also gives you, as well as your partner, the peace of mind that you will have the opportunity to discuss things that you may not have been able to manage at the moment.

For example, if your partner said something hurtful, but you were not to remedy it because you had to go for work, this is something you could mention during the next recording when you feel all Two calm and less activated or emotionally flooded. Or let's say you can't wait to talk to your partner where you are going to spend the holidays, but you were both too busy to remedy it. Planning a recording ensures the assurance that you can talk about at a time when you are not too tired or distracted.

These checks can also help eliminate potential misunderstandings. You can use these sessions to ask your partner to clarification on something they have said or do rather than make assumptions about their intentions.

Think about it this way: just like your car requires standard maintenance several times a year, even when nothing is broken or damaged, you make your relationship. You do not need to wait for problems to arise - instead, you can use recordings to prevent them from happening in the first place - or at least prevent them from degenerating.

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Does each couple need to have checks?

"Each couple can benefit from the control of relationships," explains Goldberg. "Although it is not always necessary to plan official appointments for these conversations, the idea is to create a space where partners can regularly connect and communicate on the relationship." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

However, this habit can be more critical for certain couples than others.

"Couples confronted with external stress factors or challenges such as work requests, parental responsibilities or the processing of chronic disease can particularly benefit from relational recordings," said Goldberg. "These stress factors can sometimes eclipse the relationship, creating feelings of disconnection or negligence."

Lamar stresses that relational checks tend to be particularly necessary during transition periods, such as moving together, getting married, having a child or making career changes.

According to Wells, people who tend to avoid conflicts can also find super useful checks because they offer dedicated time and space to approach difficult subjects. Knowing when and where the conversation will occur can allow a partner opposed to the conflict to run for land and employment.

Devore notes that couples who generally feel disconnected should also consider having frequent relationship checks.

In relation: These are the 36 questions that lead to love .

How often should you have a relationship recording?

There is no unique frequency for these records. How often you should have them depends on several factors, including the health of your relationship and what you and your partner try to work.

Overall, experts agree that recordings should occur at least once a month for most couples. If you sail in a more difficult period, Wells recommends aiming at weekly checks.

On the other hand, if things take place extremely gently in your wedding, a recording every three months can be sufficient, says Genny Finkel, LCSW, a approved therapist in private practice.

The only advantage of having less frequent checks, says Finkel is that you are able to look at the situation as a whole rather than taking yourself in small potentially insignificant interactions. You may be easier in search of trends and problematic models in your communication and your relationship in general, because you will not be focused on isolated incidents.

Finkel notes that more regular recordings can also be beneficial when you are newly married because they allow you and your partner to strengthen confidence and establish healthy and productive communication habits.

"It is important to find a balance and avoid the radiance of the relationship with constant discussions on its status," explains Goldberg. "The key is to find a rhythm that works for both partners, where the two partners feel heard, understood and supported."

In relation: 8 "small but toxic" things to stop telling your partner, according to the therapists .

How to have a relationship recording

In order for the relationship recordings to work, both partners must be undertaken and invested, explains Goldberg. As long as you and your partner are ready to have them, here are some tips for providing more productive conversations.

Do

Choose the right time and the right place

A restaurant, a coffee and a public park are all excellent locations to spend time with your partner, but not necessarily ideal for having intimate discussions on your relationship.

"The lives are great, but it may be better to wait until you are at home to have a recording," says Devore.

In a public setting, you may feel too embarrassed to be honest to share concerns with your partner, and you may not feel comfortable to express emotions. This is why experts advise to opt for a neutral and private setting, such as your living room, your dining room or your backyard.

Keep in mind that timing is just as important as location. Goldberg advises you to make recordings when you and your partner are less likely to feel tired, stressed or precipitated - appear, a lazy Sunday afternoon or a Thursday evening when you returned early at work.

Eliminate distractions

Abandon the phones and other devices during your recordings, explains Goldberg. Getting texts and notifications on social networks can be distracting, and you and your partner have to pay full and undivided attention to promote understanding and intimacy.

Try the sandwich method

Remember to start and finish your recording with something positive, explains Finkel. For example, you could start by letting your partner know how much you appreciate that they are helping with cooking meals lately and ending the conversation by expressing how much you enjoyed quality with them the weekend.

This helps you facilitate a conversation on the more negative or problematic aspects of your relationship and also assures you that you are leaving the discussion.

Choose your battles

Are you struggling with several problems in your relationship? Goldberg says it's a good idea to limit these recordings to two or three key problems.

"This objective can guarantee that the discussion remains constructive and manageable," she explains.

Focus on solutions rather than problems

"Rather than dwelling on the problems, try to move the conversation to the search for solutions and the manufacture of constructive plans," explains Lamar. "This may mean setting small and achievable objectives or brainstorming means to overcome the challenges together."

If you are starting to notice that the conversation persists on everything that is wrong in your relationship, you can try to ask your partner: "What do you need me in order to feel more satisfied in this relationship?" This simple question will further direct the discussion in a direction focused on the solution.

Repair planning

"After discussing potentially delicate subjects, it is important to have a repair and closure plan," said Goldberg. "This could involve watching a favorite show together, giving yourself space if necessary, or even hugging your arms to physically reconnect. These practices can help strengthen the partners and remind them of the reasons For which they are together, even when the discussions are heated. "

Do not do

Widen

It is one thing to tell your partner that something they said last week bothered you. This is another thing to start confronting them about everything they said.

"They don't need to be a laundry list of all the misdeeds of the past few weeks or years," said Finkel.

Make general statements

As a rule, Wells advises to avoid words like "always" and "never" during your relationship checks. These words are generally exaggerations, anyway, and as they feel accused, will only put your partner on the defensive.

Interrupt your partner

"One key thing to avoid is defensive," said Goldberg. "When you jump automatically to defend yourself, it can close the conversation and hinder understanding. Instead, try to listen to your partner's point of view and understand where it comes from."

Start sentences with "you"

"Avoid accusations and criticism," said Lamar. "Instead, use" I "or" us "statements to express feelings and needs without blaming. This can reduce defensive and underline cooperation."