Good Lifestyle

It is a well-used truism about marriage: the only people who really know what is happening between a couple are the members of the couple themselves. But the fact is that the reasons why marriage fails is not as unique or obscure; In fact, they tend to follow certain common models. Nearly 700,000 couples are divorced in the United States each year, almost half of all weddings - and experts say that one or more of these factors are to be blamed. These are 20 of the most common reasons for real cases of divorce.

"While I work with couples, I am struck several times by the lack of communication," said Julia Ruesmeyer , a Massachusetts lawyer who was mediaking more than 1,600 divorces. "Couples have rejected significant conversations and become resentment. Many couples have different expectations that should work and how much money they should earn, for example. When they reach my office, they abandoned marriage, But they never had the conversations to share their hypotheses. "

"The most common reason for which I see the cases of divorce in my office is financial stress," explains the lawyer for the divorce Derek Jacques, owner of the Law firm in Mitten to Detroit. Most of its customers who deposit cite the lack of financial contribution from their partner as an Elan. "This is generally limited to a lack of communication, which can be improved to avoid divorce," he adds. "If you openly communicate your financial concerns with your spouse, there are generally measures taken to rectify it."

"Another common model is too much labor division," said Streetschemeyer. "The father works long hours to earn money for the family, the woman does all the day care and the household work, and they separate. The work who works is full of resentment to be solely responsible for support support And of the mother is Rastin the house all day and sometimes on weekends. Although they make an income from the middle class, their marriage decreases. "

Clint Brasher , a first instance lawyer in Texas and Louisiana, says that spouses often separated because their expectations for marriage do not synchronize. "Couples frequently divorce due to the difficulty in effectively expressing their requirements and their concerns," he said. "Insurmountable rifles can result from it when spouses retain divergent perspectives concerning their future. By establishing common objectives and by performing periodic re -evaluation, it is possible to promote congruence concerning future expectations. Counseling of couples can also be beneficial . "

"Divorce often does not result from a lack of love, but from a lack of understanding," explains Rod Mitchell, registered psychologist with Calgary Emotions Clinic therapy . "It is the emotional distance, not the physical, which predicts the detangling of a marriage."

"When a partner deceives the other, he breaks confidence and often leads to irreparable damage in the relationship," explains Michelle English, LCSW, co-founder and executive director of Healthy life recovery in San Diego, California. "" National surveys Show that 15% of married women and 25% of married men had extramarital affairs. The impact of infidelity on a marriage can vary from one couple to another, but it is always listed as one of the main reasons for divorce. ""

"People grow and evolve, and sometimes they do it in opposite directions," said Mitchell. "A marriage can end not because of the conflict, but because of the growth that leads partners on divergent paths." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"Unresolved conflicts haunt many relationships," said Mitchell. "These are often the arguments that couples do not have, the problems they judge, who spell the fate of their marriage."

"Disagreements will always occur in any relationship, but the frequency and intensity of these disagreements can determine whether a marriage will last or not," explains Raul Haro, LMFT, RN, a wedding and family therapist approved at Recovery of tracks in Azusa, California. "The misunderstandings, the wounded feelings and anger are often the result of poor communication. Avoid difficult conversations or arguing on the same problem still and still without making progress can quickly erode the foundation of the relationship."

"Physical and emotional intimacy are essential elements of all marriage," explains Gary Tucker, approved psychotherapist with Mental Health in Costa Mesa, California. "When couples lose this link, this can lead to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction, which can lead to a break in relationship. To maintain intimacy in a marriage, couples should plan regularly for physical affection and the emotional link. " For example: meeting nights, small gestures of love and appreciation, and to be open to trying new things together.

"The lack of confidence often stems from acts of dishonesty or treason, leading to a break in the relationship," explains Heather Wilson, LCADC, CCTP, Authorized Clinical Social Worker and Executive Director of Well-being of the epiphany . "It is like a small crack in a vase that is slowly spread until it breaks - that is how confidence decreases. Repairing confidence is not a small task. It requires communication Open, actions consistent over time and the authentic remorse and efforts of the incriminated part. "

"Many people who have been planning divorce who has been considering him for some time," said Amy Colton, CDFA , a financial analyst certified in divorce and a family law mediator. "It is often a matter of timing - decide when to communicate their decision to their spouse and their families. An important trend that I have observed is the increase in" gray divorce " - the divorces occurring after the age of 50 years. At this stage of life, with children generally grind and out of the house, individuals re -assess their relationships. They often realize that they want to spend their remaining years differently, sometimes without their current spouse, to seek What they consider to be their best life. "

"Dependence is one of the most common causes of divorce in the United States," said Dr. Michael Olla, psychiatrist and medical director of Valley Spring Recovery Center in New Jersey. This could involve substances such as drugs and alcohol, or play and / or pornography. "All forms of dependence are incredibly detrimental to a marriage," he said. Dependence can take control of a person's life. It has a secret nature, which can make an enormous emotional number on a marriage. This can lead to other important matrimonial problems, such as financial problems and even domestic violence. For a split to avoid, it is incredibly important for partners to browse the recovery course together. The two partners should be determined to ask for help and undergo the healing process. ""

"Sometimes, no matter how much we try, two people just can't work together," said Tucker. "Their personalities, values or aspirations could be difficult to have a satisfactory and happy relationship."

After studying 40,000 couples, Psychologist Dr. John Gottman identified the "four riders" - the four habits that are most likely to predict a failed relationship. Number one: critic. "Criticizing your partner is different from offering it a criticism or expressing a complaint," said EHS. "The last two relate to specific problems, while the first is an ad hominem attack. It is an attack on your partner at the heart of their character. Indeed, dismantle your whole being when you criticize."

The number two, says that Gottman, expresses the contempt of your partner. "Contempt goes far beyond criticism. While criticism attacks the character of your partner, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over them," he said. Expressing him contempt means that spouses become adversaries instead of partners.

Stonewalling is generally a response to contempt. According to Gottman, he occurs "when the listener withdrew from interaction, stops and simply stop responding to their partner. Rather than facing problems with their partner, people who are from Stonewall can do Evasive maneuvers such as elimination, diversion, act occupied or adopt obsessive or distracting behavior. "

"When we feel unjustly accused, we pay apologies and play the innocent victim so that our partner is backing up," said Gottman. "Unfortunately, this strategy almost never succeeds. Our apologies simply tell our partner that we do not take his concerns seriously and that we will not take responsibility for our mistakes. Bottom or apologize. It is because The defensive is really a way to blame your partner, and this will not allow healthy management of conflicts. "

"One of the common reasons why weddings finish is the lack of time of quality spent together," explains Connor Moss, LMFT, Authorized wedding and family therapist and founder of Pacific psychotherapy . "Many people assume that their relationship will always be there and will remain strong. However, the reality is that if you do not actively feed your relationship by passing from quality time together, it can gradually erode it."

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"Some marriages are built on trembling foundations, such as precipitated marriages, a lack of authentic commitment or marry for bad reasons," explains Lindsey Tong, LCSW, clinical director of Deep treatment in Woodland Hills, California. "If a couple get married without understanding fully and knowing each other, it is natural that he can discover incompatibilities or irreconcilable differences later. He is crucial for couples to take the time to know each other, to understand the values and the everyone's beliefs, and build a solid base before getting married. "