7 Positive Ways to Overcome Cheating, Say Therapists
These tips can help you move forward in your relationship after cheating.
Cheating can be a breaking point for many couples. In fact, infidelity is one of the most common factors behind breakups and divorces . But that's not always the case, and many people try to make things work after discovering their the partner has been unfaithful . This is not an easy thing to do, as flings can contribute to mistrust and tension in a relationship. By talking to therapists, we've gathered tips on how couples can move forward together in a positive way. Read on to discover seven things you can do to overcome cheating.
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1 Create a vision board together.
One of the most positive ways to move forward in your relationship is to make plans for the future. Sanam Hafeez , PsyD, New York-based neuropsychologist and director of understand the mind , suggests couples work together to create a vision board that represents "the future you want to build together." ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb
"It helps each person understand their partner's desired future and builds commitment to a renewed, positive relationship," says Hafeez. "Display the vision board prominently in your living space as a daily reminder of your shared goals and aspirations."
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2 Participate in re-engagement rituals.
Before you start thinking about the future, you might want to make a fresh start for your relationship after an affair. David Tzall , PsyD, licensed psychologist based in New York, says Better life that engaging in re-engagement rituals can help symbolize this new beginning for couples.
"That could involve writing letters to each other, planning a special date, or creating new shared experiences," he says. "These rituals can help rekindle the emotional connection, strengthen commitment, and create positive memories to replace the pain of infidelity."
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3 Retreat as a couple.
If you want to work on rebuilding your relationship in a new place, Jennifer Kelman , LCSW, family therapist and relationship expert working with JustAnswer, recommends attending a couples retreat.
"These retreats are wonderful because they're filled with workshops and other times for couples to deepen and strengthen their relationship," Kelman shares.
Hafeez suggests taking it a step further by taking an adventure retreat, like a wilderness expedition or a road trip.
"It can help couples restore trust and intimacy," she notes. “Facing challenges together in a new and unfamiliar environment allows partners to rely on each other for support, which leads to shared growth and a sense of accomplishment. »
4 Discover a new hobby together.
However, not all couples have the time or the money for a retreat. If so, you can still create a similar bonding experience by discovering a new hobby you can pursue together, depending on Natalie Jambazian , LMFT, a Los Angeles-based therapist for women mental health and relationships .
"Maybe it's play pickleball “, exercise, cook or do art,” says Jambazian. "Either way, it provides much-needed quality time with your partner, which helps create more intimacy and common interests."
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5 Create a pot of memories of positivity.
You can also take a direct approach to positivity by "creating a keepsake jar and filling it with notes highlighting positive experiences, qualities, and milestones in your relationship," Hafeez suggests.
"The memory jar will remind you of the strengths of your relationship, helping couples focus on the positives as they move forward," she explains. "Whenever doubt or negativity arises, take turns taking notes from the jar to remind you of the love you share."
RELATED: 5 passive-aggressive comments that could mean your partner is cheating on you .
6 Give time to grief.
However, positive healing is not limited to vision boards, memory jars and new hobbies. You also have to tackle the hard stuff, because cheating can cause "micro-deaths" in a relationship, according to Lori Kret , LCSW, licensed therapist , board-certified coach and co-founder of the Aspen Relationship Institute.
"Trust, intimacy and emotional security are often lost, but the death of the stories the partners had about each other and their relationship is often more salient," she explains.
In order to heal from this, Kret says it takes time for both partners to grieve and share their feelings about the losses caused by infidelity.
“Once named and brought to the surface, partners have the opportunity to consciously create and rebuild what has been specifically lost,” she says.
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7 Go to couples therapy.
There's no shame in seeking professional help to overcome cheating in a relationship, especially since "cheating can be a complex and emotionally charged issue." Tesa Saulmon , psychotherapist and founder of Flowering root therapy , said.
As a result, couples therapy can actually be "extremely beneficial" if you want to move forward together, according to Saulmon.
"A therapist can provide guidance, facilitate productive conversations, and help both partners deal with the complex emotions associated with the affair," she says. "The therapy can also help the couple explore the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity and develop healthier patterns of communication and intimacy."
