Good Lifestyle

Whether you are standing for yourself at work or to make your needs known in a relationship, self-asserting is an essential skill we might all use a little more in our daily lives. But the reality is that when it comes time to actually intervene on the plate and put the skills in practice, it is much easier to say than to do. That's why we talked about therapists and other experts on what you can do to become more assertive and make this year again a success again.

That you arein the running for a promotion Or the bargaining on the price of a new car, knowing what you want before you start talking is a great way to accelerate the process of achieving these goals.

"Think about what you ask or say no, how do you want the other person to feel after the conversation, and the way you want to feel after the conversation", suggests clinical psychologistRebecca B. Skolnick, PhD, co-founder ofMindwell NYC Psychology. "This will help you determine your priorities in the interaction. »

It can not be possible to give you aReinforce immediate confidenceBut you psyching how much you deserve the thing you are trying to reach can be a major advantage when it has just argued.

"When you create a relationship with yourself based on trust and belief in your dignity, you are much more likely to take risks, such as speaking and self-asserting," says the coach of empowering womenAlyssa Tennant. "When you believe in yourself, you know that you will be OK, no matter how you are received by others. »

Do not have enough of a voice encouragement speech in your head? Try to practice these ensupant speeches with the people you feel supported by; This can help you gain the confidence you need to combat all situations.

"If it is difficult for you to be affirmative to work or in the world bigger, practices self-asserting in less threatening situations", suggests Tennant, who recommends asking a friend to practice with you.

Even if you arenot as sure of him you want to be, Acting as if you are is an important step towards achieving any objective. An easy way to do it is to stick to a written script before and limit the language that indicates hesitation.

"Do what you are going to say in advance, a visual contact during the conversation, and try not to say words like load" UM "or" like, "suggests Skolnick.

While discussing your needs or needs, using statements "you" can appear as accusato, even if you do not intend to be. Instead, try to use "I" statements- "I want this" or "I think"-like a way to be affirmed without immediate stopping communication.

"Use of statements" I ", say how much this situation affects you," says Santa Barbara-Base PsychotherapistChristine Scott-Hudson, MFT, author ofI love: Affirmations for a happy life. "Be aware of your voice tone, your facial expressions, [and] your hand gestures because they all support your message. »

If you come just with what you need feels too aggressive, there is a simple solution: the mention "part of me".

For example, "a part of me wants me to do more for you and a part of me knows that I can no longer on," suggestsCarrie Krawec, A licensed marriage and family therapist atBirmingham Maple Clinic.

Krawec also suggests saying, "I'm torn between" trying to explain how you feel if you have several options in front of you. "It helps to illustrate the ambivalence and a more complete picture than just a dimensional view of the question or the problem," explains.

Although it may seem a game of power to adopt a strong physical position during a conversation, usingStandoffish Corporal Languagecould send the wrong message. "Tell what you mean with your words and body language," suggests Scott Hudson. "The arms crossed and a threatening air does not support a message requesting a repair. Your nonverbal communication questions. Instead, try the hypothesis of aneutral posture And active listening while the person you are talking about is to express their own side of things.

Not all situations where you channel your assertive nature will work in your favor. However, you can always turn any situation in a learning experience by asking for comments from the person you are talking about.

"You will be either validated that your ideas are on site, which will give you the confidence to communicate them more directly or will give you advice on how to make them stronger," says Tennant.

If you are shy about talking and affirming your own opinion, try to start the conversation with some questions first. "Sometimes, saying that your own opinion can be frightening, but ask for clarifying issues is a great way to practice your voice and contribute to conversations," says Tennant.

You want to get what you need? Then it is important that you do not have in interactions with a combat mentality.

"Practice assertive communication means that you recommend yourself while being aware of the needs of others", explains the therapist based in TexasKristen Suleman, LPC, a clinicianAjana Therapy and Clinical Services. It means listening and enjoying the other person's point of view, but respectfully seek your position if you do not agree with that.

Much of the learning of your interactions in your personal and professional life is to master the seemingly simple practice, but often difficult to say "no".

"No" is a complete phrase, "says Suleman. "You do not need to justify, legitimize or provide evidence to safeguard your" no "." To understand that you hear their side and respect their decision, but remains firm in your decision to decline.

Everyone does not necessarily go on board with your newly affirmed nature - some can even feel uncomfortable with it - and it's good. However, if you encounter some resistance, there is a quick way to get through.

"Do not forget that you are not responsible for the feelings or behavior of other people," says Suleman. "You are only responsible for your own."

Although it may feel easier to go back to what you were asking, if you are determined to be more affirmed, it is important that you keep these borders well out of the initial conversation in which you asked them.

"The more difficult part retains your word by providing reminders if future future interactions occur," saysJacob Kountz, an associated marriage and a family therapist toKern Wellness Counseling. "Stick to your weapons and finally, others will respect your borders."

Saying that you are sorry for virtually any conflict situation- Without rights to be at fault or not - is even for the course for some people. However, if you want to be more affirmed, it is important to limit when and why you use the word s in the first place.

"One sorry should not be justified if there is nothing you've done for FARDEFER, fool or hurt the person you talk about," says Kountz.

If you want to be more affirmed, consider saying "thank you" when you otherwise have excused.

For example, therapistStephanie Juliano, LPCC, suggests saying "Thank you for waiting," instead of "I'm sorry I'm late."

Sometimes a sudden affirmation can be welcomed with extreme resistance - even anger - so it is important to remind you that what you are asking for, it is always worth it, it does not matter the upheaval of the other party.

"If we are too worried so that people have been rile, we will never have our needs," said therapistKaren R. Koenig, LCSW. "Yes, they are going to get angry or upset with us, but so what? It's not the end of the world."

If you are not used to expressing yourself in an affirmed way, it may feel overwhelming at the beginning. That's why Suleman suggestsPracticing a centering technique To help you keep your cool. She recommends "breathing conscious or pushing the palms of your hands together."