Good Lifestyle

If yourThe relationship starts with sourYou may be wondering where all this hurts. And although any number of things could be at the base of your mutual mistake, experts say that there is a common culprit to consider. According toSteven C. Hayes, PhD, Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada and author of many books on relationships, one of the most common relationship problems is the result of a particular personality feature that can quickly "poison the relationship". He says thatpsychological inflexibility, a "response unsuitable for the challenges of life", rests in the heart of many unfortunate unions And is responsible for more than its fair share of breaks. Read to read to find out why this trait could spell problems for your relationship and for more essential relationships,If you and your partner, you can agree, it's time to break.

Hayes says he spent decades study "human misery" and gleaned an innovative overview in his causes. "Thousands of independent studies clearly indicate that suffering is often the result of something called psychological inflexibility," he says. "It may seem complex," he recognizes, but in terms of lay people, it simply means that you tend to give priority to short-term gains on larger objectives or values ​​"at the cost of pain long-term". Conversely,Psychological flexibility is "the ability to focus on the current moment and, depending on the measurement of the situation, to change or persist the behavior in the pursuit of objectives and values".

Being psychologically inflexible tends to affect many areas of a person's life, starting with their mental health and causing ripple effects through their personal relationships, their careers and more. Hayes calls this "recipe for a personal disaster" and notes that it has been linked toanxiety, depression, dependence and abusive relationship traits.

"People who are psychologically inflexible do not only exercise more distress and suffering, they also make experienceless satisfaction in their relationship. They are less satisfied with their sex life and show less emotional support towards their partner. Naturally, their partner does not receive much satisfaction from the relationship either, "says Hayes.

The good news? The doctor says that these models are not placed in the stone and can be rewritten for the help of a particular type of therapy called acceptance commitment therapy (ACT), which helps individuals and couples to create flexibility skills. Read it to learn how you can practice better psychological flexibility in your own life and for more relational knowledge,If your partner ask you this question, they could be cheating.

According to the advisorSteve Rose, PhD, many people become psychologically inflexible because they are avoidable of negative emotions. For this reason, develop more flexibility hinges on a willingness and ability toExperiment and treat these more difficult feelings. It suggests that rather than watching difficult emotions as good or bad, "a flexible approach offers emotions like information".

For this reason, "the opening of emotions does not imply to be consumed by them. This means opening to the lessons they share with us, "says Rose. He suggests that acceptPainful emotions And embracing a more complete emotional spectrum can also create more opening with positive emotions. And for more relationship tips delivered directly into your inbox,Sign up for our daily newsletter.

A major feature of this psychological trait is that you might tend to ruminate unhealthy on your own negative schemes. "When you are psychologically inflexible, you are stuck on fears, worries and doubts of oneself - then to judge you of these thoughts and feelings in the first place," says Hayes.

That's exactly why the rose suggestsIn return of your thoughtsAnd let your consistent need for "consistency and understanding" go to become more flexible. Rather than getting caught in a cycle of fear, doubts and shame, the rose suggests making an effort to become aware of these thoughts, but also choose the amount of attention to give them and let them go s' They do not benefit you. And if you want to keep your romance on a constant layoff,If you have this argument, consult a couples therapist, say experts.

Those who have psychological inflexibility tend to bemore impulsivethat others, since they have often put short-term gains before their long-term goals. "Instead of living through your best intentions, you have been sucked by moods, thoughts and momentary presses, which allows you to act in a prejudicial way to your health and well-being," explains Hayes.

This can lead to models of dangerous relationships, he adds, explaining: "people who are psychologically inflexible are more likely to act in a destructive and abusive way ... and finally, they are more likely to feel unsafe safely From their relationship and to fight to build a close bond with their partner. "If your own models have achieved this point, your best choice speaks with an advisor on your concerns.

Relationships are not always easy, even for the most "flexible" among us. For those who feel the kind of inflexibility hayes described, normalUps and downs of a relationship May be so painful that they cause people involved to withdraw entirely. "Instead of being present with their partner and themselves, paying attention to the emotional world of their partner and their own deepest needs, they defend. Instead of actively engaged in difficult (but needed) conversations, They avoid them or use blame, insulting, insulting and screaming, says Hayes.

Instead of falling into these old reasons, book distractions aside to give your partner all your attention when you can. Try to dialogue with things that count for them and consider their feelings not as a threat, but as more information allowing you to connect from a deeper level. And for some surprising factors that could affect your relationship,If you have that in your blood, your wedding is better, the study says.