Good Lifestyle

Everyone wants to havea happy life. But most of us also know that obtaining a little more complex than it seems. In fact, some people scab their own ability tofind happiness Without even realizing it. On several occasions pursuing incompatible romantic partners, fixing the bar too high at work and spending too much time inside are just some of the ways you can prepare for a life of disappointment. Yes, it is totally possible that you are your worst enemy when it comes to finding joy in life - and even worse, you may not even know it. To make sure you are on stable feet in the pursuit of happiness, here are all the way you sabotize yourself, according to psychologists, mental health experts and other professionals.

A 2019 study published in the journalScientific reports Corroborate what we have long felt: going out outside feels good. As research notes, just two hours a week in large spaces, whether it's a complete hike or some walks around the block - can offer a major boost to your health, your happiness and your general well-being.

There is a direct correlation between long displacements and a decrease in well-being, according to research carried out in 2014 at theUniversity of Waterloo. But if you cut your path time is not a viable option, see if you can not eliminate your trip.

"If you are becoming grumpy in advanced howler traffic, make sure you have music that you like to provide a private concert in your ears," suggestsMilana Perepyolkina, author ofGypsy Energy Secrets. "You can also listen to audio books or even learn a new language."

Bothering do only part of life. But if you frequently reply to such disadvantages with fury or irritation, you just create abad habit that prevents your ability to be happy.

"When small misfortunes occur, accept them", exhorts Pereyolkina. "In some cultures, it is considered a good chance to find a hair in your soup or break a cup. A little" bad thing "is thought to keep the biggest far in the way a small earthquake can free the tension In the earth. That a large can become less likely. "

If you are based solely on what you want, you are only preparing for disappointment. "Our happiness is sabotaged when we believe that we can only be happy if we get what we want," explainsAlex Lickerman, MD, andAsh Eldifrawi, Psyd, authors ofThe ten worlds: the new psychology of happiness. "If we do not get what we want, which often happens, we will remain resolutely unhappy. Even if we get what we want, our happiness will then depend on our goalkeeper. And when we inevitably lose it, what was the source of our greatest happiness then becomes the source of our greatest misery. "

While you should not go back into emotional pain, completely avoid the experience of this can hurt your ability to heal, grow and become a more mature person. "Seek at any time to prevent pain from being dissipated only to do us feel good not to feel fun", according to Lickerman and Eldifrawi. "In addition, the pain stimulates growth and is often necessary for us to pierce the obstacles that make us unhappy."

You could assume that if you have found a way to live your life by jumping from one luxury to another, you really understood things. But it's not really an effective way to build happiness. "Believe that a life devoted to the pursuit of pleasure will make you happy will sabote your happiness," said Lickerman and Eldifrawi. "Although it is obvious, why many of us believe that the pleasure in general engendering happiness, it is also obvious that a life devoted to the unbridled pursuit of pleasure is resolutely unhappy."

"Most people will not leave their partner for you, despite how many promises that they could do, or feelings they express to want to be with you," saysCarissa Coulston, Psyd, expert in relation withEternity has increased. "If you fear the rejection and abandonment, you can find yourself drawn to an unavailable person, because this type of relationship may feel more" safe "since your married lovers or otherwise engaged can never really commit yourself to you." The end result, of course, is that you probably will not end with the person you look - but will create a mastrome of love sorrow for all parts along the way.

No relationship is perfect, so "looking for your soulmate according to a perfect scenario with unrealistic expectations - as the idea that you would never have any problem - leads to a failure of the relationship," says Coulston. "Do you build someone in your mind, get out with them, only to find that they have imperfections that make you crazy. This will surely kill all the relationship you may have held for that person and will take you to believe That they are not the one you searched for. "For the sake of finding a relationship that could potentially in recent decades, you must realize that imperfection is part of a healthy relationship and a happy life.

If you are someone who is introducing arguments with their spouse or their partner, even if things are usually going well, you sabothing your relationship and overall happiness to start. While all relations have its moments of conflict, expert in mentalityGray heather, MSW, explains why, for some, "when they meet happiness, they feel sensations, thoughts or feelings inside themselves who do not always have a name but are deeply uncomfortable. They release Then these tensions choosing their self-sabotage behaviors without even realizing that they do. "

Rely on another significant to keep youconfident And the content creates a feeling of much vulnerable happiness that can all collapse if there is a change in the relationship. "If you do not like yourself, you probably rely on the approval and admiration of your partner to feel good, but any insurance that comes from your way is only short-term", Explains Coulston. "In the moments of theLast compliment Or the romantic act that your partner expresses, you double again, and your need to be loved and admired becomes insatiable - it leads to problems and arguments in the relationship because your insecurities use it slowly. "

Similarly, despite the undeniable precipitation of endorphins, you get to see the affirmations in your social media flows, putting too much stock in such payment canHalname your happiness In the long run, according to the approved psychologist and the coach of lifeCali Estes, ICADC. "If you feel sad, you could scroll through the social media looking for something to stimulate your morale," she says. "But anything outside your control that you would like to count on happiness [will hurt your happiness]."

If you have been burned in the past, "be treated with respect may be the thing that causes internal distress," says Gray. "When people are used to being injured in relationships or have become accustomed to connecting to emotionally unavailable partners or friends, when someone is attentive, kind and respectful borders, it can be really uncomfortable. "

Often, these people are suspicious of healthy relationship, assuming that it disappears, otherwise it will come with a cost. "As a result, they will test a well-intentioned person," says Gray. "They could be brief or remote in an exchange, cancel plans," ghosts "or otherwise irritable. In doing so, they operate under the internal hypothesis that there is a capture tothe kindness of someone, so they try to discover it or test the limits of someone's desire to be unconditionally in their recital. "

We are who we surrend each other. In fact, a 2008 study published in theBritish medical newspaper have found that those with happy friends (or even friends of friends) are more likely to be happy themselves. And the opposite is true too: the misery loves the company.

Clint Swindall, author ofLive for the day of the week, urges everyone to take a step back and watch the people they consider about them. "Do an analysis of your circle of friends and do they see if they add to your life or remove from that,"writing. "Surround yourself with people who will help you achieve your goals."

"For some, it's better to control their own failure rather than surprised it," says Estes. "In this way, it's easier to say that they knew it would not work and would not try to make it better. It's because, if they fail, they have to deal with their failure."

The cumulative effect of this type of preconceived thought is that you end up internalizing these negative views and do not just start the Croyer yourself, but projecting them so that others also believe them.

By focusing on everything that does not work and ignores what is like a pair of reverse pink glasses - can cause long-term problems for happiness.Tricia Wolanin, Psyd, Clinical Psychologist and Author ofWanderlust's scentsaid she had a friend who saw the recent events of her life as an example of this type of negative thought: "He refused to see his incredible promotion that very few people reach in his field, the rise, positive people in his life, travel and intimacy he has lived during the year. What he has chosen to focus on was the negative aspects that were the medical illness, the breaks , debt or people who pushed it. "

Education is essential and can prepare you for much of what your career will throw your way. But assuming your options are limited to a single sheet of paper you won when you were 22 years old, it is at the best of life. "People can succumb to stay in the same work or at the same level of income, because that's what their degree is in," said Wolanin. "They do not realize the many open doors if they took the first step by taking a chance. All this is based on fear. We do not think we will succeed, so we do not even try, so sabotant our happiness. "

Sometimes the change can happen quickly, which can be scary for some people. It is not unusual for someone who suddenly gets a big break-one that could mean entering the unknown - to try to slow down their own progress. "They could feel uncomfortable with success or with the expectations that successfully lead," says Gray. "This unconscious internal struggle will start and try to sell their product with less ambition if they have a business, they could keep an idea they must on themselves after making praise of a boss. They might have A sales call where they know they nailed it, but they will avoid following and getting the prospect of signing on the dotted line. "

The work gives us a sense of purpose, a group of people sharing the same ideas and, of course, financial stability. But it is also very easy to go to the sea and completely obliterate everythingWork-life balance, Finally removing to your happiness. "Feeling stars and overworked in the office can lead to anxiety and depression," saysBryan Bruno, MD, medical directorMid City TMS, a medical center based in New York focused on the treatment of depression. "To preventBurnout At work, section on your daily tasks and realize that everything should not be done immediately. Taking a time sufficient to keep you strong and productive is also important. "

While working too much can hurt your happiness, do not work enough can have a negative effect on your life.Alex Palmer, author ofHacks happiness,Written that "a reduction of hours is usually accompanied by a fall of happiness, while a full-time part-time passage increases happiness." (However, he also emphasizes that "if you already work full-time, a week of 80 hours will be almost certainlynot Doubling your level of happiness. ")

A 1985 historic point studies theUniversity of Illinois and the University of Pennsylvania ofStrong 400 The richest Americans have found that the richest people in the country were as happy as the Maasai people, hunters and gatherers who live without electricity or running water in East Africa. In other words, you can not expect that a large salary leads to a big smile - it does not always work like that.

Sometimes you are busy and simply do not have time to run for a bite. But, as a 2013 study published in the journalManagement academyRevealed, lunch at your desktop rather than taking a suitable break that allows you to get up and exit the office can mitigate your spirits. "Dress this sad office salad!" Palmer exhorts in his book. "However, your break works, the key is to make a real break, get out of the desk and relax completely during the free time."

Food habits have been found to play a major role in our well-being and our general happiness. Bruno says that we often neglect the fact that our body and our brainsneed good vitamins and nutrients to work properly. "Vitamins B12, B6 and B3 facilitate communication between neurons and the transport of neurotransmitters", explains Bruno. "A healthy brain means better chemical balance and finally a better mood".

Just like maintaining a healthy diet is as good for your mind than for your body, the same for a regular training scheme. "Exercise at least a few times a week is just as important as eating well," says Bruno. "Not only will improve your confidence and body image, but it will also free endorphins in the brain, which [can] improve your mood."

Keeping a good standard can be a good thing. But if you set the incredibly high bar, it will only cause you to feel in the landfills. "If we hold too firmly to perfection, our creativity is stifled and we are never able to really enjoy the process," saysG. Brian Benson, life coach and author ofSuccess habits: inspired ideas to help you skyrocket. "For some, the pressure to have something to be perfect prevents them even from starting. And for others, it never allows them to finish because it will never be" perfect "."

Whether you assume the worst guy who cut you in traffic or criticize your partner for small things, a prospect of judgment is bad for all parties, especially the person who adopts a judgment. "It is imperative to drop the judgment andshow more compassion Towards ourselves and others, "says Benson." Being a judgment to others is a certain sign that we are judged to ourselves. "

If you measure your life, your relationships, your body, your progress of your career, your number of social media followers, etc. - Against the lives of other people, you will never feel fully satisfied. "The company certainly does not make favors with all the advertising of the bodily image to come to the American advertising who can make us feel less than anything and send messages that we must buy their product to become worthy and kind", declares Benson. "Social media also trained us to see only the best of others, while we compare it unfortunately with the worst of ourselves."

"Every time we say something negative, we hang a negative seed," says Benson. So what could begin as a way to avoid a major emotional disappointment, can, over time, become a serious harmful habit. "What's going on is simple: we are starting to live what we are saying:" I can not do that, "I'm an idiot" I'm a fool to think that "," says Benson.

Steven RosenbergPhD, a psychotherapist and behavioral specialist, cites "self-limiting beliefs" - which are generally adopted as a protection mechanism - as a common way that people sabotte their own happiness. "As an example, if you want to lose weight, you avoid making a diet," he says. "The reason you choose is simple:" Why should I lose weight? I always gain it anyway! "These are self-limiting beliefs."

Rosenberg explains that we usually do this because of a low innate sense of self-esteem, but also another attempt to control our own failure.

"Several times, as a person advances in life, they are afraid of being discovered as an impostor," says Rosenberg. "This is the tax complex:" I do not deserve to be in this position of great capacity in life. "" Needless to say it's a major injury for his happiness.

Blaming others so that our mistakes compromise our long-term capacity to find a real satisfaction of life, according to Rosenberg. Scapegiating, he adds, not only does we prevent us from treating the underlying problems at hand, but can also damage relationships and friendships, and especially - can deform how you see yourself.

Practically every person was guilty ofprocrastination At some point in their lives, and for a good reason: it feels good in the moment. But according to Rosenberg, all you calibrate will not disappear at night. The work that must be done or the uncomfortable call to do is always there, finally weighing on you and blocking your happiness in the process.

Many people look at their problems, then, instead of trying to solve them, they care for self-medical with drinks, cigarettes, food or anything else that activates pleasure centers in their brain. It is only, while self-medicine drugs can feel good in the moment, it makes damage. "Many self-medical people with alcohol or drugs to deal with these feelings of low self-esteem," says Rosenberg. "A choice drug could even be food. We can eat too much by stress. These things can be dangerous because they are subtle." Justa More drink ora More cookie ... '"

If you are used to calling people to say things you do not like - and you seem to do it daily - it's likely that you do the most damage for yourself, not those who you offense, according to expert in relationCherlyn Chong. "[The unfortunate] sometimes have a mistaken sense of justice, leading to the hard judgments of others," she says. And this judgment attitude will take its long-term toll.

In a 2011 survey published in theJournal of Consumer Psychology57% of respondents reported the happiness of experiential purchases, while only 34% of those who made significant purchases felt the same. Basically, theHarvard University Researchers Confirmed you will get more satisfaction and long-term happiness on a long-term vacation or simply a dinner on a new tablet or a new pair of shoes. If you launch yourself in the acquisition of the hottest gadgets or the most fantastic clothes, you are more likely to feel dissatisfied with them once the novelty wears.

In a 2010 Dutch worker study published in the newspaperApplied research as lifeThe researchers discovered that there was a much higher level of medium happiness among those who plan holidays, compared to those who had recently returned to one. Once returned from their trip, the workers quickly returned to their level of basic happiness, while those who look forward to the pleasant experience had higher levels of happiness for sometimes months before their holidays.

Lesson? Those who expect the holidays to create long-term enjoyment are disappointed. Better focus on a positive event in the future - you will generate much more happiness of anticipation.

With regard to relationships, dating applications have increased enormously the volume of potential partners for people to consider. But while the quick fire slide could give a quantity, it can have a long-term negative impact on its prospects to find love and happiness in general. "We made people a merchandise in matters," saysTrish McDermott, a coach of meetings and relations with the collaborative meetings portalTiny. "With a state of mind that there are thousands of people who are waiting for us, we drag people for trivial reasons - his hair color, his neck, his eyebrows, the shape of his ears - none has nothing to do with what makes good health, a happy relationship possible. Or we instantly reject people simply because we think there is a little better, larger, thinner or with another quality we are looking for to come next in the queue. "

By forgetting to stop and enjoy what you are interesting, you sap your own happiness. Certified Conscious Lifestyle and Stress Management CoachSusan Petang, author ofThe quiet area,suggests writing one or two things you love every day. "It can be as simple as" I have beautiful hands ", I am a solver of exceptional problems," she says.

Acommon trait of happy peopleDo they stop and appreciate what's going on in their lives, whether it's a good meal or a great friend in their lives. "Find marvel, astonishment and gratitude for this particular moment," says Petang. "It is useful to remember the mistakes and past trauma since it is in the past; it is not helpful to worry about the future because it's not there yet."

Some things in life have to have special attention - but not everything. SearcherPaul McGee has spent decades studying the positive psychological effects of humor, relying on a number of international studies that have discovered approach situations with lightness "improves your daily mood, increases optimism and improves your ability to cope with stress, "he writes in his bookHumor as a survival training for a stressed world. Close to things in a more playful way puts into perspective daily in the perspective and reduces their power to have a negative impact on your happiness.

One of the most coherent conclusions of happiness research is what to do things for other people to increase his ability to smile. A pair of major studies - a publication in 2015 in the journalClinical psychological scienceand a published in 2016 in the journalEmotion-Revested that there is a direct link betweenacts of random kindness and increased dopamine levels.

When you go to bed and when you wake up (which is known as your circadian rhythm) is directly related to your health and your happiness. A 2016 study published in the magazineCurrent biologyI found that you force you to wake up with an awakening leads to chronic sleep deprivation and misalignment of your circadian clock, which can lead to mental health problems, such as depression. Instead of depending on this mirksome ring to get out of the bed every day, will you sleep early enough to get the eight hours of rest needed. In doing so, you should be able to naturally awaken an awakening.

"People sabotize their happiness because they do not know their own story," saysMike Ensey, MA, LPCC, a counselor based in Loveland, Colorado. "They are not aware of the false beliefs that flow from the way they feel events and relationships, or internal wounds that cause unnecessary escape and self-protection." Those who took the time to better understand themselves and why they are motivated towards particular types of behavior are more likely to find happiness and peace, "Ensley said.

"One of the greatest ways to see people sabotage their own happiness is to occupy the unrealistic expectations of others and the world surrounding them," saysJames Killian, LPC, main therapist and owner ofArcadian counseling. This can extend to random strangers or those closest to us: if we expect others to behave in a certain way, we are sure to be disappointed. Killian gives the example of drivers' expectations on the road to be respectful and courteous, then frustration and resentment (perhaps screaming to cars) when they do not.

The room lighting has a serious impact on your emotional state, for better or for worse. A 2014 study published inPsychological Social Sciences and Personality I found that feelings of despair were correlated with the perception of the participants of the lighting in the room in the room. When the room was darker, the subjects were more likely to feel hopeless.

The sun provides mood-boostingVitamin DAnd do not have enough of it can seriously deflate your minds and have other negative effects on your physical and mental health. But you do not need to live in a Balmy postal code to reap the benefits of the sun: according to a study of 2013 inThe Journal of Biological and Medical Research on Medical RhythmEven when using lights that only mimic the sun's rays have been found to have a major positive effect on mood.

Too time spending in front of the tube can have a negative effect on your mental health. According to a review of 30 years of research published inSocial Indicators Research In 2008, happier people were noted to spend less time watching TV and making more socially active time and read the newspaper.

"I often hear people of my life comparing to the type of body they had 10 years ago or who were before having children," saysMelissa coats, professional advisor approved withCoat consultant. "Several times, we hold that as the norm for what we should" be in life and that we spend a quantity of exorbitant energy that tries to "come back to" that we really think. The reality is that we can not pass through life without change. "

It emphasizes that it is normal to adapt to the circumstances and healthier to dedicate time and energy to love who you are now, rather than comparing yourself to whom or what you were a decade (or more )

Assign a negative feeling to someone or something else can disappear from your happiness. The coats give the example of someone who protrudes from evil or anger by saying things like: "My spouse ruins my life" or "If I just received this promotion, I would not be late all the time work."

"Usually, it involves waiting for someone else or a situation of change to feel better," she says. "But what really happens is that other people change or circumstances change and that we always get out of the same way. The common denominator here is then our own feelings and our answer to them."

"We all have blind spots," explains coats, who define them as "areas of our life that operate on a subconscious level and have the potential to be very harmful if we do not notice them". These can be patterns in the way you relate to your boss, friends and partner - or another usual behavior you could ignore.

"Looking at a single perspective situation does not serve us well in the long run," says coats. "It can be more comfortable counting on our own point of view, but we might miss something big. The beauty of the blind spots is that when they are reported, we can correct the course."

Do not forget that finding happiness does not fall entirely on your shoulders. Others are there to help. "I always see a lot of people with a deeply rooted belief thanask for help is weakness, "says coats." We only have a lot of time and energy to spend in one day. So many of us are used to overcome this account. If we had to ask for help to see our blind spots, talk to someone the way we really do,see a therapistOr delegate tasks to other people, we would have much more time and energy in the emotional account of things that bring joy to our lives. "