Good Lifestyle

There is no shortage of self-help books out there ready to tell youWhat you need to do to be happy. But while this can be useful, it is sometimes also useful to consider the opposite: what are the things that happy peopleto avoid Make? Think about the happiness of this perspective can be as enlightened, providing you with a spectrum of behaviors that can have a negative effect on your life and your emotional well-being. We consulted the experts to learn to be happy - focusing on the 19 things that happy people never do it.

One of the biggest differences betweenhappy people And the rest of the world is that happy people do not usually make compare to others. Although it is useful to learn from the example of those around you, happy people do not leave their satisfaction with any aspect of their lives - their work, their body or even their partner - depend on what others have.

"Happy people know that the comparison is the thief of joy," saysHugo Huyer, a mental health coach who runs theMonitoring happiness website. "Whatever you do, wherever you are, there is always someone who seems to have things better than you. If you focus on that, you will always find a reason to be unhappy. Happy people are aware of it From this and focus on things they have instead of focusing on things that others have. "

One of the ways we are most likely to compare to others is through social media, where we can easily connect, see holidays or exciting changes of life, and let it affect how we feel.

"Social media can have a positive influence on our lives, but more often, it indirectly causes misfortune, insecurity and jealousy," says Hyer. "Since social media are almost never a precise representation of someone's life, you need to ask how much you get to scroll through this Instagram flow. Although happy people are active On social media, they make smart decisions how long they spend there. "

The successful people are not necessarily happy and a certain sign that someone islack of real joy in their lives Did they take pleasure in making other miserable or intimidating subordinates, colleagues or anyone with their lives.

"Really happy people never engage in the intimidation of others," says the clinical psychologistCarla Marie Manly, author ofFear of fear. "A really happy individual does not have the desire to accumulate power and profit to the detriment of others. As such, a really happy person is exempt from toxic feelings that live inside the criticism or the criticism. constant intimidation. "

To be a happy person does not mean that you are happyallTime, walking with a smile plastered on your face and whistling to yourself. A generally happy person knows that the feeling of going from time to time is good, as long as they recognize and do not try to delete or avoid.

"Really happy people tend to feel all their emotions - anger, sadness, etc. - and then release them to move forward," says Virily. "This promotes positivity in that negative emotions do not remain blocked in the mind and body, nourishing negative feelings such as depression, anger and resentment."

Nobody - not even billionaires or Olympic athletes - AallThey want. No matter where a person is in their career or life, there is still nothing other than that could not reach. But while happy people pursue these goals, they keep their attention to what they already have, rather than focusing on what theynot have.

"This" attitude of gratitude "tends to create a very optimistic and positive way to look at the world," says Manly. "Rather than crossing his days to look at what others have or what you always want to have," be in a place of gratitude and assessment tends to support true happiness ".

Happy people consider their lives as, for the most part, their own responsibility. If they are not satisfied with a result, they take it on them to try to change it, rather than throwing their hands and give up, putting blame on someone else.

"People who are happy assume full responsibility for their experiences of life," saidKapil Gupta, an interpersonal coach of the relationship and men. "They know that the fingers pointing to other people or circumstances will not change the experience they have, even if it could provide temporary relief."

Just as happy people take responsibility for their own actions and where they are in life, they do not expect others to change to adapt to their taste.

"Happy people know they can not control the behavior of others," says Gupta. "They also realize that everyone needs to have their own experiences of life and people change when they are ready."

A happy person is more likely to accept the behavior of the other person and determine how to work around her - or if they really have problems with their behavior, can try to avoid them completely.

Happy people do not trust what others think of them. Take an action, that this continues a career goal or a major life decision, just to get someone else's response is a disappointment recipe.

"Happy people have a good sense of intrinsic value and self-confidence," says Gupta. "They respect the opinion of others ... but they do not derive their value and dignity on the basis of what people think about it."

Happy people live in the present moment, finding things to appreciate in the present, rather than obsessing things that have occurred in the past or to focus on their hopes and fears for the future.

"Happy people are definitely learning from the past, but they do not go up all the time," says Gupta. "Similarly, they understand that the fear of what could happen in the future is like living in a fantasy. So, they tend not to worry about that, and focus on the life that happens currently."

This is one thing to plan for the future and take steps to ensure as much as possible a possible result. This is another thing to constantly think of potential negatives on the line and obeying how you might have to handle them.

"[The unfortunate] are very worried about how life will stand out," says the author and psychotherapistKaren R. Koenig, LCSW. "They do not try to control life or just wait just that things happen to them. In addition to fearing failure or errors, this lack of need to control the results allows them to take the appropriate risks."

When they have to make a decision to work or treat a stimulating friend, an unfortunate person is likely to have a hypothesis about what they should do, rather than confirming that the information is true.

"The danger in the fact is that we must make a hypothesis that can be accurate or not," says the old American navyEric Rittmeyer, author ofThe emotional navy. "Many times, these assumptions are made on the basis of previous experiences in our lives that have probably occurred in a totally different context and had no relevance to the current situation. This opens the potential for incorrect assumptions of some something that is totally false and possibly in the unnecessary emotional pain. "

Similar to blame others for his misfortunes, another habit that happy people avoid woering in their disappointment. While recognizing his emotions and accepting that you are angry is healthy, let these feelings consuming thought and actions for long periods can prevent one of making healthy changes.

"Difficult people mentally comes out to the" pity "and they understand the negative impact on these thoughts about their general happiness," says Rittmeyer. "When something bad happens, they work quickly through the pain and relate to their normal oneself."

Happy people can be upset or frustrated by others - but they do not let him become focus of their time and attention. If someone is coming, they make sure he does not happen again. But they do not adhere to have been done harm or become a source of permanent frustration towards them. In other words, they do not take roach.

"Holding on negative feelings about someone does not have any advantage to your well-being," says Rittmeyer. "By not allowing the release of these negative feelings, you simply create an extra stress on your body by constantly thinking about the reaction of events that initially caused the issue."

Happy people learn from their mistakes and advance, paying attention to the creation of something positive. They avoid staying on what has not worked well, returning mentally in the same mistakes several times.

"[People] are happy success rather than to fail," Koenig said. "Sometimes, do not focus on the negative aspects of their lives are automatic, and other times it has just practiced consciously the habit of positive thinking. »

Happy people know that those they surround themselves can have a major impact on their own well-being. The success and happiness and their opposites tend to be contagious, which is why people happy to avoid having negative people in their orbits.

"If they are around these guys, they have a strong feeling of oneself so as not to take them seriously, and do not internalize what they are told personally," says Koenig. "Otherwise, they do not allow other intentionally, be abusive chronic at their disposal. »

While happy people are usually not letting others' behavior you in their skin, when something is upsetting them, they will express instead of silent. It's true when he comes to colleagues, friends and romantic partners.

As a family and psychotherapist relationshipFran Walfish, author ofThe auto-aware parentStresses, we will be bored naturally with other people now and then. The important thing is to be honest about our frustrations, which can mean the difference between a happy person and the one who holds quietly in their misery. She said in the ideal, "there are no persistent problems that are not solved. »

Another habit that people happy is to avoid "counting the points" with people in their lives. This does not mean the maintenance of a mental list of things they have done for others, like traveling further than their friends meet, or do more tasks than their partner.

In a great relationship, whether romantic or platonic, "there is no 50-50 divided responsibility," says Walfish. Happy people accept reality that "in the best relationships, it would be difficult to judge another plus. »

Happy people understand the importance of work-life balance. When the day of work is over, they do not know how to bleed in their evenings, not to mention weekends and holidays. "Life is busy for all of us," says Walfish, but happy people never forget to take the time outside the work for themselves and for their loved ones.

While happy people know what not to do, they have not become well suited, the people they are still contained by engaging rigidly to do things in a single way. Happy people are usually flexible, comfortable with change and ready to ride with punches when they have.

"Humans have a natural resistance to change, because of the fear of the unknown and the desire to control their situation," saysJacob Olesen, AuthorEasy ways to do it all. "But happy people do not fight the change, be it the end of a relationship, a new job, or the physical changes that come and age. They do not seek to hold on what no one is more. »