17 tips and expert tools to increase emotional intelligence
Use these communication tools to increase your equation and better understand yourself and those around you.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, interpret and manage your emotions, as well as those of others - and it's an essential tool for finding happiness and fulfillment in yourpersonal relationship, as well as yourProfessional publications. However, for many people, understanding their own feelings is a full-fledged challenge, not to mention the ability to seize and empathize with the feelings of others. The trick is that both skills are somehow from hand. If you want to give your equity a little boost, read it to discover the emotional intelligence development tools that the best mental health professionals recommend. Soon soon, you can better connect with those who surround you better than you have never thought possible!
1 Do not judge others.
It's easy to do quickJudgments about other peopleBut tonic on this impulse - and examining why it is there in the first place - can be a major personal breakthrough in increasing your emotional intelligence.
"As human beings, our initial planned thought is to judge on the basis of external appearances, and more likely than our judgments [are not] true", explains the psychotherapistRichard A. Singer, JR.
2 Ask for more questions.
In order to understand others beyond a surface level, you must first know you. The easiest way to do it?Ask them questions. And just as important, really listen to what they tell you, says singer. "Do not talk about yourself," he advises. "Discover them authentically."
3 And do not be afraid to be direct.
Even when you think it's completely clear, how people feel or what they think, you can never really have a really precise understanding of these things if the conclusions you have made are based solely on the hypothesis or the speculation. "Instead of jumping to the conclusions, request directly to the other person", suggests a therapistLauren Cook, MMFT. "It can often cut as much anxiety as we discover how the other person really feels."
4 Do not assume that the actions of other people are malicious.
Becoming more intelligently intelligent means not lacking negative hypotheses on the actions or behaviors of others, even when you think something they did or said there was bad. Reserve judgment and always starts with a conversation with an open mind about why they behaved as they did. "Although it may feel easy to judge someone or assume the worst, give people the benefit of doubt," says Cook. "Trust we are trying to do our best on our day."
5 Practice empathy.
If you want to increase your emotional depth, you must learn to be more empathic than others treat or have experienced in their lives - and a hug, a comforting touch or active listening are all good places to start. "That said to the others in a non-verbal way that you understand or really try to understand what they feel or cross", explains the singer.
6 And validate the feelings of other people.
Much of being more empathic is to let other people know that what they feel is valid, declares an authorized clinical psychologistRebecca B. Skolnick, PhD, co-founder ofMindwell NYC Psychology. She also notes that you do not agree with someone to do this behavior.
"For example, if someone reverses the water on your colleague's computer and that your colleague is upset, a validation comment could be", of course you're angry! It must be so frustrating not to finish your work, "Skolnick explains.
7 Stay calm.
A key element of high equity is the ability to have a control element on your emotions, even during difficult times when it may seem almost impossible.
"It comes with the understanding of your emotions and be skilled to treat with them," says the singer. He suggestsFair consciousness exercises To help you avoid letting these emotions boil, even when you have trouble.
8 And when you can not, identify what triggered you.
But when you find yourself acting irrationally or angrily, make sure to examine the reason underlying this type of response or behavior. "Identify the factors that can make you more likely to react in a certain way," suggests Skolnick, noting that everything from the hunger exhaustion can encourage a strong emotional answer that you are not expected.
9 Then, learn to keep calm.
In addition to things that cause you to lose your cool, be also aware of the environment and sensations you feel in your body when you are calm, saysCarrie Krawec, an authorized marriage and a family therapist toBirmingham maple clinic In Troy, Michigan. "Take action to behave this way," she says. "While your body restores calm, your mind and your feelings also go."
10 Expand your emotional vocabulary.
If you have already answered "good" when someone asked how you were - especially if you feel somethingcornWell - it may be time to expand yourEmotional vocabulary.
"People use" bad "or" ok "to describe feelings, which are not at all [effective] at all," Krawec said. Instead, she suggests using a thesaurus or talk with people you consider to be emotionally intelligent on how to use more expressive language - describing yourself as frustrated instead of crazy if it's A more accurate description of your current mood, or sharing more vulnerable feelings when it is appropriate to do that.
11 Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
Although it is important to communicate your emotions clearly and constructively, it is also essential to allow you to feel your feelings without judgment. "Start allowing you to experience the emotion you encounter without criticizing you", suggests a therapistKathynn Ely, MA, ALC, NCC, ofCounseling and empowerment coaching.
12 Speakfor your emotions, notof them.
Although it can be a difficult communication technique, especially when you first try to put it into practice - learning to speak so that your feelings can make a major difference to the emotional extent that you are in the long run. How are you doing that? "Instead of saying," You're struggling, "Try, I notice that I feel angry after you told me that," suggests a certified professional advisorEmma Donovan, My.
13 Remember that the conflict is not a bad thing.
Although it is more comfortable to fear fully disagreements, being emotionally healthy, actively requires uncomfortable situations when it feels necessary. "Conflict resolution Safe and constructive can strengthen confidence between people," saysKristen Suleman, MED, the CPA, a clinicianAjana Therapy and Clinical Services. "When the conflict is not perceived as threatening or punishing, it promotes freedom, creativity and safety in relations."
14 Follow the traces of those you admire.
If you want to become smarter smart, imitate other people who seem to access their own interpersonal relationships. "Look around and identify friends, colleagues, leaders, family members or knowledge that seems wise, havegood self-esteemand illustrate effective interpersonal skills, "suggests a therapistKaren R. Koenig, MED, LCSW. "Note what they say and do - and, as important, what theynot Let's say and do - and think about how you might be more like them. "
15 Stay present.
It's easy to meet youReminiscifing past mistakes Or worry about how things are going to tremble in the future, but it's crucial to focus on here and now when it's possible. "I think too much that the past or the future can overwhelm you and make lose contact with your thoughts with what you feel and what you need in the present," says therapistGinamarie Guarino, LMHC. "Every time you find yourself drift, try using your grounding exercises to bring you back to the present time."
16 Do not live on your mistakes.
Even when the errors are fresh, do not always be ruminated on them too strongly. "Remember that an error is just that does not define you," says therapist Stefanie Juliano , LPCC. After all, "You are not the only person the teacher or the boss has given critics to and [you] will not be the last."
17 And stay optimistic.
In addition to giving you a break when it comes to your mistakes and do not dwell on the critics of others, keep in mind that your trip to become more emotionally intelligent is exactly that - a trip.
"Make sure you do not judge you during your introspection, but stay curious and optimistic that all you do not know you can learn," Koenig said.