Good Lifestyle

You met someone and had their first date, and suddenly in the following days you are thinking about that person constantly. The same goes after the second match and after the third. What do you feel is simple lust or are you really falling in love? Although in these initial stages it is difficult to distinguish the first of the latest, according to experts, the answer is easier to determine what you think: everything depends on what those thoughts are. Keep reading so you know how to clearly identify what you are feeling after a few appointments (or what the other person is feeling for you).

Defining the terms

Lust is, in simple words, a biological and hormonal response of our bodies driven by human sexual instinct. It is something completely physical and is rooted in the need we have of "continuing the species." Justin Lehmiller, American psychologist, author of the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sex ( Tell me what you want: the science of sexual desire and how it can help you improve your sex life ), defines lust as a state of strong physical attraction towards another person, while love "is a broader concept that includes, in addition to that attraction, a deep emotional connection, a genuine concern for the other and a desire to make that relationship last."

How to identify if it is lust

Erica Zajac, clinical social worker and therapist specialized in positive sex, explains that you can identify if what you feel is simple lust if, when you think of that person: 1) The first thing that comes to mind is your body and 2) immediately you feel excitement (you blush, increase your body temperature, etc.). When you are by your side, you just want to touch you. Other signs are that the person becomes less and less attractive as you know their "defects", that you do not feel desire to develop a deeper connection, which makes the relationship actually end up being quite short and, perhaps this is not surprise, that once you have satisfied your "need", you look for excuses to leave.

How to identify if it's love

Relations expert Alexandra Stockwell, author of Uncompromising intimacy ( Intimacy without concessions ), explains that in the relationships where there is a component of love, the so -called passionate love develops first, in which this initial lust is accompanied by a yearning to achieve an emotional connection, an interest in knowing what more that person can give us. Thoughts become even more frequent, but not all are about physical contact. After this comes the attachment, or compassionate love, which is when the relationship already reaches a point of calm, security, emotional union and companionship. Sex is still important, but it is not the main thing or the only thing that motivates you to be by their side. If this is what you feel, we inform you that you have fallen in love.

What does that person feel for me?

Perhaps what you have read so far find it useful to identify whether you feel is love or lust, because it is always easier to recognize one's feelings, but how to use this new knowledge to recognize if that person wants a true relationship with you or if you only physically attract him? Zajac gives some signs: his conversations remain superficial and even sexual insinuations are too frequent, when they are preferred to go fast to the physical (and go as quickly at the end), he does not commit to future plans with you, he does not share his feelings or personal information, he shows no interest in your life outside his “encounters” and seems to call you only when it suits him.

Lust that transforms into love

A frequent question in relationships about relationships is: "Can lust transform into true love?" Haley Neidich, psychotherapist and expert in relationships, says yes, but some things must be taken into account. When something begins as purely physical, that lust can blind you to alarm signals in the personality of the other person, leading you to try to start a serious relationship on an unplayed basis. Therefore, if you look at the signs of the previous point, it is most likely that there is no good prognosis. But if that lust is accompanied by a little affection, concern and interest towards you as a person beyond what you can offer in bed, "then it can lead to love and is often experienced within a love relationship," says Neidich. The important thing, it highlights, is that you feel that this person wants more than you than simple physical contact.