11 signs you are heading for a friend's breakup
You must consider their behavior and changing needs, as well as yours.
There is a good chance that you have experienced a kind of rupture, which can be emotionally trying, whatever the side you are. However, important people are not the only people who come and go in life; We too sometimes lose friends . You may simply separate yourself, but in other cases, the dissolution of friendships is a little more disorderly. In fact, experts warn that a friend break can also be, if not more, overwhelming than romantic.
"Research has shown that friends breakthroughs can be just as difficult to understand as a romantic relationship", " Beth Ribarsky , PHD, professor and director of the Communication School of the University of Illinois Springfield, says Better life . "For many people, they may have more time and energy in a long-term friendship than certain romantic relationships. Therefore, the end of a friendship, whether initiated by yourself or in the Another may be quite hurtful. "
If you have the impression that you are not as close to a friend and that you wonder why, the therapists say that you must consider their recent behavior, as well as yours. Read the rest for 11 signs A friendship is purged.
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1 You feel anxious when they call.
Friends are the people we are talking about to help relieve stress, because they allow us to be our authentic self. But if you find that you are anxious or worried when a friend calls or when you see yourself, it is not something to ignore.
"Although we all have moments when there are commitments that we would like to find a way to go out, we should finally feel happy or excited when we get a SMS or a friend of our friend and we look forward to the time that We can pass with them, "said Ribarsky. "However, if you find yourself hitting the ignore button or finding excuses so as not to meet, it is a good sign that the relationship no longer benefits you."
You might not be alone in this feeling either. When a friend regularly cancels plans, he could have similar feelings on your connection.
2 They break your confidence.
No one is perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes that cause broken confidence. But if a friend is chat About you or share private details that you asked them to keep alone, it could be a sign that a break is imminent.
"Whether it is to disclose information that you thought you were deprived of between you or not when they said they would do it, confidence can sometimes be irreparably broken," warns Ribarsky.
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3 You make every effort.
All relations are a double -meaning street, and there is generally a fair division between which organizes for a wine evening or whose turn is of carpooling. But when friendships disintegrate, you will probably have the impression that more responsibilities are on your shoulders.
"If you are the one who always launches the texts or makes plans, it could start to look like a very unilateral relationship," explains Ribarsky.
However, in this case, do not forget the reflux and normal and natural flows of relationships.
"There are times when you can see that you put more in a relationship than your friend or vice versa," explains Ribarsky. "In the end, this is the situation as a whole - know your investment in friendship always benefits you."
4 You don't feel well with them.
It is not uncommon to feel embarrassed or occasionally. We all have stress, be it work, family or other areas of life. But if you find that this melancholy occurs constantly when you are with a specific friend, think about how the relationship affects you.
"Sometimes friendships can become toxic. They can say derogatory things about your subject, but when confronted, they will say:" I joked. "Or, they can find ways to hear you," said Ribarsky.
For example, you could share a work accomplishment, and a friend "will divert attention to them, a great success they have had or minimize your event," she adds.
Consequently, you can feel zapped with energy after dragging with this friend or an acquaintance.
"Spend time with a nearby friend should be refreshing and energizing," said Courtney Hubscher , MS, LMHC, NCC, Cognitivo-behavioral therapy . "Feeling emotionally exhausted after seeing someone is a sign of warning that things may not be as they were in the past."
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5 Your conversations are superficial.
This sign is more subtle, but if you have the impression that your conversations lack depth or that you feel superficial, your friendship could dissolve.
"It is a sign that they can move away from you," Daniel Rinaldi , therapist and founder of Noise coaching , tell Best Life . "Another similar sign is to note that you and your friend no longer share common interests or even respect the interests of the other and that you want to know more about them."
6 You do not share the events of life.
Nearby friends are some of our greatest supporters in life, which means that we want to share great news when it takes place. So, if you are not inclined to reach out to your new promotion, or if you have not received a text on their recent commitment - when you would usually do - it is a sign that something is wrong .
"When you or your friend no longer share important life events with each other, it shows that friendship is not a priority for you," Matthew Schubert , mental health advisor and operator of Well-being of the state of gems , tell Better life . "It can be events such as your birthday, the birthday of a child, losses of close beings, new jobs, changes in housing and other events that you would normally seek for support or encouragement from a close friend. "
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7 They constantly criticize you.
It is important for friends to develop each other, but there are also moments when constructive criticisms are justified. However, constant cuts and cuts are a different story - and friends who do it often can try to send you a message.
"Sometimes someone who does not have emotional maturity to put an end to a friendship hopes that if he will criticize you enough or usually make you feel miserable, you will be ready to be the" bad "and at the end of The relationship, "says Ribarsky. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
8 Communication is difficult.
Another large part of having a friend is the ability to reach out and chat each time. But when you are on the verge of breakup, talk to them (whether on the phone, by SMS or in person) may have the impression that it is not as simple as it was in the past.
"If you feel that your conversations do not have the natural flow and connection that once characterized your friendship, it is a sign that something could be bad," said Schubert.
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9 There is no communication at all.
Clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly , PHD, author of Joy of fear , also underlines the deterioration of communication as a sign of problem.
"In strong friendships, the key sign that the relationship can end involves toxic and defensive behaviors such as stonewalling," she said. "If a friend formerly revolutionary is no longer willing to communicate - to really solve problems that arise - the relationship can really not go ahead."
If your friendship is more at the surface level, a friend can even "ghost" and stop responding to your SMS or calls.
10 You notice a change in values.
This could take a little more time to notice it, but the evolution of interests and values could also mean that you are heading for a break from a friend.
"One of the most critical signs of an imminent breakdown of friendship is the awareness of a person that they are not aligned on basic levels such as values and interests," explains Manly. "When revolutionary epiphanies arise - these" AHA "moments that illuminate critical differences - the end of friendship is often not too far behind."
11 You do not agree more often.
You don't need to have exactly the same opinions to be friends with someone, but that can express problems if you are regularly disagreeing or arguing.
"Constant disagreements can serve as a key indicator that a friendship can approach its end," she said. "If you and your friend are continuously disagreeing, fight to find common ground or you frequently engage in heated debates, this could be a sign of deeper and unresolved problems in the relationship."
The signs may vary depending on the strength of your friendship.
According to Manly, while some signs solve problems, friendships which are "anchored by a sincere connection and a mutual TLC" can resist a few bumps on the road.
"Depending on the nature of the friendship - whether it is strongly rooted or quite shallow - the signs of an imminent rupture can manifest itself differently," she said. "What signals the ultimate disappearance of a less deep friendship can be considered a temporary change in a stronger relationship."
So, before taking too many conclusions, you may want to take a closer look at your relationship when you try to understand the behavior of a friend.
"After having resisted the challenges, the disturbances of life and the changes, strong friendships tend to last unless toxic behavior or a negative diagram appears," notes Manly. "Friendships who have fewer authentic connections - those based on convenience or superficial interests - rupture or rupture or more easily."