Good Lifestyle

Getting started on the way to maternity is equal to frightening and exciting. Becoming a parent is probably a dream of a lifetime, but it comes with enormous responsibility. Now that There is a child On the image, it is your duty to keep them happy and healthy and to guide them towards becoming the best possible adults. While you do, you may face changes to your physical and mental health, which can make parenting even more difficult. Fortunately, you don't need to read countless articles and books on how to be a good mother. Parental therapists and experts say you probably already have most of the tools you need. Continue to read to learn their best advice to enter yours as an incredible mother, regardless of your child's age.

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What defines a good mother?

Different people will have different answers to this question, but there are a few key things that you will want to strive in maternity.

"In my opinion, a great mother is someone who promotes a secure attachment with her children, creates a safe and stimulating environment and models resilience and empathy," said Becca Reed , LCSW, PMH-C, Trauma therapist in perinatal mental health . "It is a question of being present, emotionally listening and reactive to the needs of your child while taking care of your own well-being."

Why is being a good mom important?

With children in the photo, your behavior no longer has an impact only yourself - now you have little eyes to look at yourself and learn from you. This means taking care of your reactions and well-being is more important than ever.

"Moms who are reactive, stressed and exhausted not only model this way of being for their children, but also often by Inadvert Renée Zavislak , A California therapist based and host of Psycho-therapist: the podcast . "Since our ideas on ourselves and the world are rooting the most deep between birth and the age of seven years, it is particularly important that mothers of young children have practices to keep their nervous systems in good health."

In doing so, you define your child for the best possible future.

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How to be a good mother in 17 steps

1. Learn to regulate your nervous system.

This is essential to make sure your child grows in a healthy environment.

"The biggest gift that a mother can offer to her child is her own regulated nervous system," said Zavislak. “Modern parenting is difficult; Most of us have no community support, and almost all of us transport our own trauma or the intergenerational trauma transmitted by our DNA - or both - and, therefore, the normal frustrations of parenting are amplified. ""

You can learn different techniques to do it in therapy; Holding them is a constant practice.

2. Kiss the imperfection.

"You are not a perfect person, and you will not be a perfect mother, so do your best and operate out of love," said Ariana Cardozo , LCSW, a mother and principal clinician at the mountain treatment center. "This creates a more indulgent and stimulating environment for you and your child."

This will help you maintain good humor even when things become difficult.

3. Find a community with other parents.

Sharing your parenting journey with others can help normalize your experiences.

"It can be a support group of mom or a group of Maman-Bébé exercises, where it can be parents of the children of the activities of your children or the school," said Alisa Kamis-Brinda , LCSW, LCADC, owner and psychotherapist at Serenity Solutions. "These parents are also large supports when you need advice on how to manage a new situation as a parent - they have been there and can help."

4. Be curious.

Treat your child like any other person you meet for the first time - they are very likely to surprise you.

"Many of us have ideas about who will be our children or what will be interested in them, and although these expectations are largely inevitable, they can be oppressive for the child while creating the parent for a poorly placed disappointment", explains Zavislak. "Rather, exploit the wonder, be curious and be ready to rush from your expectations in the most beautiful way."

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5. Practice active listening.

In order to be curiosity, you will have to perfect your listening skills. By being present, you will promote more open communication and trust routes.

"Give your children all your attention when they speak, showing that you appreciate their thoughts and feelings," said Kelsey Thompson , LMFT, owner of Light in counseling . "Put your phone; I understand, it's difficult, but we are so stuck on our phones, and it has a huge impact on the development style of your child's development."

6. Model of good behavior.

Your words and actions are fully displayed. "Children often imitate their parents, so demonstrate the values, attitudes and behaviors you want your children to adopt," explains Thompson. "Show kindness, respect and resilience, and learn to manage distress in a healthy way so that your children also acquire healthy tolerance skills." Again, therapy can help.

7. Learn to apologize.

Zavislak says it is among the least popular advice that she distributes to parents and is also one of the most important. "Our Egos are annoying and trying to protect us from the reality we make of errors, largely because there is so much pressure on mothers to be perfect," she explains.

However, she says that the most damage is done when we make mistakes and transform the blame for our children. "'I am sorry, I shouted, but you know that you are not supposed to be on the iPad' '- these are no excuses, and, worse, it teaches our children to do the same , to be reactive without responsibility, "she says. "Rather, try this: 'I'm sorry to have shouted. I know it must be scary, and I want to make you feel safe, not frightened! I will work to stay calm. Maybe you and I can help you stay calm? '"

8. Practice gratitude.

A gratitude practice can help you keep in touch and remind you of what really matters, and it only takes a few minutes in the morning or evening.

“Make sure to say the following in your practice: I am grateful to my children; I am grateful for my instinctive capacity to know what my children need; I am grateful for my access to resources and support to meet the needs of my children; I am grateful for my ability to learn and grow alongside my coparer (if you have one) and my children, "suggest Kayla Nelson , Psychiatrist Glacier psychology services .

9. Strengthen positive behavior.

This will strengthen a positive report. "Recognize and praise a positive behavior, even for the things they do regularly," said Rachel Goldberg , MS, LMFT, therapist at Rachel Goldberg therapy . "For example, let's say:" I notice that I never have to ask you to put your dishes in the sink. I love you are so great about it; "Or:" I noticed how you solved this problem with your brother the other day.

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10. Encourage independence.

In the end, your parent work is to prepare your child for the real world.

"Allow your children to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes," explains Thompson. "This helps them develop skills and problem -solving confidence in their capacities and also help your child does not develop anxious attachment or possible anxiety disorders."

11. Validate your child's feelings.

"Recognize and validate your child's experiences, even if, as an adult, you do not consider them important in the situation as a whole," said Goldberg. "Let your child have his moment."

This is true for something as small as a wounded plush animal or as large as a tyrant of play.

12. Think about your actions.

"Spend a moment at the end of the day to think about your parental decisions," says Nelson. "Any moment you are not proud of, practice acceptance and empathy for yourself at that time."

By making a conscious note, you may be able to change your behavior in the future in a without judgment.

13. Trust your instinct.

They are there for a reason! "If you have done your own job, then you have in you everything you need to be a great mother. I train the parents to learn to make their way through parenting before thinking," said Zavislak. "It is important to note, however, that you must first resolve one of your own childhood trauma, otherwise it will be almost impossible to distinguish instinct and anxiety." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

14. Stop over-research.

"When mothers feel concerned about how they manage as a parent and go on the internet to obtain advice, support and validation, they generally end up feeling bad," explains Kamis-Brinda. "They find articles indicating all the things they should do that they do not do, leading them to feel worthless and overwhelmed by everything they have to do and change."

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How can I be a good mother when she is tired, sick or depressed?

You have probably heard the expression that there are no days off with regard to parenting, and that's right. It is necessary to take care of your children, no matter how you feel, whether you are tired, sick or face a mental health disorder. Here are some strategies to make your way.

15. Plan personal care.

Maintaining personal care practice can help prevent professional exhaustion problems and help you navigate them once you are confronted with them.

"I know that we are all tired of the metaphor of the oxygen mask, but the message is essential: to take care of others, we must first take care of us," explains Zavislak. "There is an unhappy trope which depicts the best mothers as being frantic and neglected, as if a great parenting required to get lost."

On the other hand, she says that the best mothers prioritize the care of themselves. "It means planning time to rest, move and connect to yourself and close friends just as you do the practice of children's football and your mammograms-self-care is a timetment not negotiable."

16. Ask for help.

You need a village. "Whether you live near friends and your family who can help you or you have to hire people, get help will benefit your parenting and children," said Kamis-Brinda. "Ask for help with the completion of the station, with other important tasks that are overlooked because of your concentration on the child and the things that will help you and your well-being."

For example, you can hire a baby-sitter so that you can spend time with friends, go to the doctor or therapy, or even just get a massage or a manicure.

17. Look for therapy for yourself.

"Therapy could be focused on supporting you as a mother and giving you new parental tools, or this could be one of those things you do for you and your relationship with yourself," said Hannah Yang , Psyd, Approved founder and psychologist to balanced awakening. "When mom is satisfied with who she is, children are certainly so!"

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Conclusion

Learning to be a good mother is a permanent practice that requires patience, introspection and, in many cases, an incredible therapist. For more advice on relationships and parenting, visit Better life again soon.