Good Lifestyle

It is not a secret for anyone that cheating is a dealbreaker for many people in relationships. After all, even a single act of betrayal can undermine confidence and cause irreparable damage to the deposit. In fact, according to recent research by USA Network (via Time ), 94% of those questioned say they prefer to get married only to end up with a person they knew that they would deceive them. Likewise, 82% of those questioned say they have "zero tolerance" for infidelity.

However, it was not the most shocking revelation of the investigation. More surprising was the fact that 54% of these same questioned people said they also thought that cheating could be justified. Although they don't want to be deceived on, They also believe that certain extenuating circumstances could excuse behavior.

Whether you are the cheating person, the other man or the other woman, or the person at the reception of a deception, you wonder yourself: is cheating never justified? Read the rest to find out what therapists have to say.

In relation: 8 red flags that come out the cheating, the therapists warn .

How is cheating defined?

Cheating has always been difficult to define, in part because it is taboo to speak. Some experts say that it gradually becomes more difficult to navigate as our relationship standards change and evolve.

"La cheating is a complicated concept in 2024 with the rise of ethical non-monogamy open relations grazing the limits of monogamy, "said Liz Hughes , LPCC, the owner of the therapy of the body of the mind and a subsidiary of ADHD advisor .

Since cheating is often understood on a couple -or even one person per person -it is worth asking: what is adultery?

"Cheating means breaking an agreement in your relationship concerning what each of you can do with others. So each couple must define cheating for themselves", explains Suzannah Weiss , resident sexologist for Biir and author of Subjective: become a sexual subject .

Weiss says that the most common definition of cheating is to engage in any type of physical intimacy with someone outside the relationship. However, some people see different sexual acts through a different lens. For example, although you can consider the penetrating sex as an undoubted example of cheating, oral sex, kissing or holding your hand could be considered as gray areas for some.

Emotional cheating can be just as complex. "Frequently send SMS, call or spend time with someone in a romantic way could also count as cheating if it made your partner feel violated or uncomfortable," notes Weiss.

"The other gray zone in cheating is digital interactions "" She adds. "Chat in advance, for example, if you would opt for a site as only fans would be considered cheating in your relationship."

It recommends discussing your own limits and definitions when you decide to make your relationship official.

"By setting limits in place, there is no confusion about what is or is not justified," agrees Rachel Goldberg , LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg therapy In Studio City, California.

In relation: 6 ways to rebuild intimacy after cheating, according to the therapists .

Can cheating be justified?

As Weiss points out, cheating is very common - at least one in five American admits to having done it, and others have probably cheated without having their actions. However, this does not mean that cheating can be justified, she says.

"Cheating is a problem of consent. If your partner has agreed to a monogamous relationship with you - not no monogamous - having other partners is a type of consent violation," she explains. "This violates the feeling of emotional security of your partner as well as their physical security (if the contraction of STIs is a possibility). The cheating also deprives the cheater of a relationship where it can be completely open and honest. Why, even if you have understandable reasons of cheating, the best approach is to break or open the relationship rather than to draw your partner in a situation to which they did not consent.

"Based on my experience with patients, cheating cannot be justified," agrees Brandon Simpson , AMFT, Asat, a therapist associated with sexual drug addiction Novus Mital life . "When we justify an action, we try to minimize the impact that action has on another or to modify the perception of the other person of the action, which is gas lighting . ""

In relation: 14 Daily affirmations for a happy wedding .

Current cheating reasons

There are a wide range of reasons that people commit infidelity - whether physical cheating or an emotional affair. These are the 10 main most common catalysts, according to the therapists.

The cheater sabots the relationship.

Some people cheat because they consciously or unconsciously want to end the relationship but cannot be resolved directly.

"They see cheating as a system of disposition in a relationship and engage in cheating to cause an irrecoverable crisis which will lead to the disappearance of their relationship", explains clinical psychologist Monica Vermani , Psyd. "An individual can lack courage, communication skills or ability to end effectively and honestly to a relationship in which he feels unhappy or disconnected. In certain situations, after impruous persistent attempts to end a relationship, a Partner may feel that there is no other way to behave in a way that will lead to the end of the relationship.

They seek to fill a void in their relationship.

Someone who cheats does not always try to end the partnership, but he can always express his dissatisfaction with an aspect.

Kristie TSE , Ma, LMHC, NCC, founder of Discover mental health advice , note that this generally happens when one or both partners cease to invest in the relationship, ultimately eroding the emotional connection.

"People who feel dissatisfied, annoyed, disconnected or that they do not get what they want or need their partner often choose to look elsewhere for their needs to be met while being in their relationship, rather than to put an end to a relationship that is not satisfied ". Accept Vermani.

Often, the cheater will try to justify their actions by focusing on what was missing in the relationship before infidelity. For example, if they feel dismissed, emotional , or sexually dissatisfied, it will take the spotlight instead of their own actions.

They hurt the big changes in life.

Although cheating can have deeper underlying problems, it tends to occur more often during large life transitions, notes TSE.

"Major changes such as employment loss, childbirth or a quarantine crisis can create stress and disconnection, which invites infidelity as an adaptation or escape mechanism," she says .

They seek to fill a void in themselves.

Other times, cheating has nothing to do with the partnership or the deceived person. Instead, the cheater tries to fill a void they feel in themselves, says Vermani.

"Some people are constantly looking for people who have attributes, capacities or features they admire and lack in themselves, rather than developing their skills, capacities and traits they admire in others for them -Mey, "said the psychologist. "In real life and real relationships, a person looking for a self -actualization of his partner is often disappointed and looks outside of his relationship for what he does not receive from his partner."

Weiss adds that, often, people cheat because the person with whom they cheat brings out a different side of them - "perhaps a wild side, or a freer side, or a younger side, or a side More sexual, "she notes.

"It is as if they could be a different person when they are with this other partner," she explains. "This desire to allow a certain side of yourself by cheating could indicate that you do not feel fully seen, valued or appreciated in your relationship. Therapy could help repair your relationship so that this hidden side of you may be invited to Il. "

They seek excitement.

Often, people find themselves attracted by cheating because it offers excitation or plot which is generally absent from more stable and long -term relationships.

"While deceiving a partner often - but not always - influences sex, that rarely implies only sex. People who cheat are often bored and seek the excitement, the drama and the validation they receive from someone One again, "explains Vermani.

Goldberg agrees that this is a common catalyst for cheating. "Relationships can become monotonous and a new person can present himself as exciting and tempting," she said.

They have low self -esteem.

Vermani adds that it is also common for people with low self -esteem to get out of their relationships.

"The low self -esteem leads to feelings of emptiness, disconnection, shame, guilt and uselessness. People with a low feeling of self -esteem often seek validation in attention, excitement and the novelty of new relationships, "she said Better life.

TSE is suitable that some cheat on stimulating their ego or self-esteem: "The attention and assertion of a new person can temporarily fill a void or insecurity that they feel in themselves."

They are sexually dissatisfied.

Other times, cheating is really a question of sex: either sexual dissatisfaction in the current relationship, or a wider desire for sexual variety.

"A gap in compatibility or sexual frequency can lead some to seeking physical intimacy elsewhere. Fantasies or unrealized desires can also contribute to this violation," said TSE.

They came to take revenge.

Goldberg says that another current reason for which people cheat is that they are looking to take revenge on something their partner has done, including infidelity.

"People who suspect that their partner has in the past or who are currently deceiving them can deceive them as a means of reprisals," recognizes Vermani.

A cycle of betrayal, deception and revenge signals a deeply unhappy marriage or a deeply unhealthy relationship.

They do not have a healthy relational model.

Sometimes people cheat because they have unresolved problems of their own childhood or their family structures. Without a healthy relationship to model theirs after, they may simply not have the tools to stay engaged in a relationship. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"People who are raised in a house where a parent has deceived their partner often repeats these models. They may have trouble trusting or believing that their romantic partner will be faithful to them," explains Vermani.

They have problems with drug addiction or sexual dependence.

Finally, in some cases, cheating is a symptom of something larger - as a problem of drug addiction or sexual dependence.

"Drugs and alcohol inhibit his judgment," notes Goldberg.

However, it is important to remember that having an altered judgment is not a card without trigger. If anything, it is a sign that you have double the work to be done: first, on the underlying question of dependence or compulsion, and secondly, on the repair of the damages you have inflicted on your relationship.

In relation: 5 questions that your partner can ask if they cheat, the therapists say .

Can your relationship recover from cheating?

Experts are largely suitable that although there is not justification For cheating, there is often room for forgiveness, repair, growth and healing.

Hughes says that the first step is to recognize that cheating causes "raw human suffering on both sides". Although only the cheating partner has harmed the other with its actions, the two parties will have to invest in the repair process.

"If you have come out of the relationship and you have cheated, the awareness that confidence once had in your relationship can be irrevocably broken can be devastating. If you have been deceived, self -doubt and the pain that follows the betrayal of the betrayal of learning your deceived partner, you can last for years, "she said Better life.

"With hard work and a lot of repairs, I saw people come together as a stronger couple and develop things. I also saw people separate for good and no longer speak," continues Hughes. "My conviction is that if you have cheated and you are ready to recognize your error and work to repair the problems that have led to cheating, there can be hope to heal and move forward in the relationship. If you are still in the pre -change in the change and continue to apologize for cheating, you are probably not ready to do the work necessary to help your partner cure the rupture that occurred in the relationship. ""

Goldberg adds that any couple trying to overcome such a violation of trust should request the support of a therapist. The spouse spat should also plan to do a lot of guided work on themselves to avoid repeating their mistakes and causing other damage.

In relation: 4 signs that your partner will never cheat, according to the therapists .

Cheating vs having a deal: what is the difference?

Some people make the difference between cheating and having an affair, while others consider all forms of infidelity as just as insidious - and just as difficult to return.

"The difference between cheating and having a business is that cheating is a wide term which includes various types of infidelity, such as a standing stand or a link too much to a colleague. A case, on the other hand, is generally Long term, more secret and implies both emotional and physical aspects, "explains Goldberg.

Conclusion

If your own marriage or committed relationship has been shaken by your partner's cheating, the most important thing to remember is that your mental health is now a major concern. Whether you plan to break things down or try to repair and rebuild with your partner, you will have to make a conscious decision to center your own healing and your personal care.

If you are the incriminated part, it is important not to focus on justification of your actions, but on understanding how your actions have harmed your partner and the relationship itself. Even if the relationship ceases to continue, you should dig deeply to make amends, understanding that your cheating has probably been deeply hurtful.

Experts also recommend thinking for a long time and whether the relationship deserves to be saved before trying to hold it. As Goldberg points out, some couples occur the storm and remain together for children, finances or the fear of moving on, but can ultimately be better cutting.

"They can" recover "in that they stay together, but the dynamics remain unhealthy and not more satisfied with each other," she said.

Even the temptation to cheat, as defined by both of you, should point out a major reflection and repair need. "If someone is starting to look outside the relationship, he must think about what leads them to this scenario, communicate openly or choose to leave the relationship instead of cheating," said Goldberg.