Good Lifestyle

If your parents have already played favorites among Your brothers and sisters , you know how hurtful it, especially when you are the less favored child. However, fewer people consider how harmful this favoritism can be for the child who has put a pedestal on others. When taken to the extreme, this toxic parental favoritism is known as Golden Child syndrome, and therapists say that this can deeply affect the child, their brothers and sisters and the parent-child relationship. Although high praise and affection are generally positive from a caregiver, there are means of these habits that can take an unhealthy turn.

"This dynamic can have several involuntary consequences," explains Becca Reed , LCSW, PMH-C, A perinatal therapist in mental health and trauma . "The golden child often internalizes the belief that love and acceptance are conditional to their ability to meet expectations. Can have an impact on their mental health, their relationships and their self -identity."

Rachel Goldberg , Ms, lmft, a approved psychotherapist Based in Studio City, California, notes that Golden Child syndrome is not a diagnosis recognized by the diagnostic statistical manual (DSM), "the mental health professions in gold use to diagnose mental health problems". However, many people seem to relate to the idea of a toxic favoritism and say that they lived it in their own family.

Therapists only explore the concept, as well as ways to help people cure to grow as golden. These are the 10 main signs you need to know and what to do if you recognize the dynamics in your own family relationships.

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Golden Child syndrome generally refers to a family dynamic where a child is favored and receives preferential treatment compared to other family members, says Goldberg. This is generally the easiest to spot when the golden child has brothers and sisters who do not receive the same treatment.

"They receive a notable quantity of positive attention compared to their brothers and sisters," she said Better life. "The golden child will receive many compliments, and their achievements - even the little ones - will be applauded and brought to everyone's attention."

Often, the golden child is placed on a pedestal and considered the "perfect" child.

"This often comes with a multitude of expectations and responsibilities, because this child is considered the pride of the family. The child learns to meet high standards and to represent the ideals of the family. And realize their vision of success "Explains Reed.

However, the knife can cut the two ways: sometimes the golden child will receive less responsibility and less consequences than his brothers and sisters, thanks to their preferential status. "The golden child is getting less to do less, and for the rules they violate, their consequences are less recognized," notes Goldberg.

Sometimes the comparison between the brothers and sisters is manifest, and the parents can even use it to intentionally shame the least favored brothers and sisters.

"The golden child is frequently mentioned during the discussion of disappointments with other brothers and sisters. An example of that would be:" Why can't you study as much as your brother? "" Said Goldberg.

Over the years, this can erode the relationship between brothers and sisters, replacing affection and camaraderie with bitterness and jealousy.

"As they get older, they can discuss more with their brothers and sisters because their brothers and sisters will no longer accept their role as the lowest child and begin to repel. This can create a dynamic where the golden child cannot Not to face facts and chosen, feeling that they are still on the right, "said the therapist.

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Most of the time, parents cling to a golden child because, through them, they see a way to realize their own hopes, dreams and dissatisfied aspirations. Goldberg explains that parents can "epide them concerning an activity that fascinated them".

"An example of that would be: 'Let's train again to draw hoops.

The more successful the child, the more the parent can cling to this feeling of shared success.

"The golden child brings glory to the family, and this could be done by the child as a decorated, physically attractive or at high school. Brianna Paruolo , LCMHC, psychotherapist in private practice with On NYC therapy .

It is not surprising to learn that gold children's syndrome is often associated with narcissistic parents.

What is wrong by pushing your child to be a high performance and praising it, you may be wondering? Well, for its part, they can feel resentment when people outside their family do not react in the same way.

"The golden child may have trouble understanding why they are not praised so often in contexts such as school, in groups of friends or at work," explains Goldberg. "They could seek compliments and feel confused about the reason why little outside the house recognize how incredible they are. For example, the golden child could receive his test with an A and then share it quickly with Everyone around them to ask for recognition. "

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Perfectionism is another characteristic of golden children's syndrome. "They are aiming for perfection, fearing errors could disappoint their parents," said Reed. "Their self -esteem is strongly based on praise and parental validation." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

This can spread in other relationships as they grow up. It is only by exaggerating - and by making no mistakes - they feel that they will be accepted and loved by the people of their lives.

Because the golden child feels the need to be perfect, he can also try to hide his perceived failures, explains Goldberg.

"The golden child, wanting to maintain his status, might feel that they should hide things that will disappoint their parents and could feel guilty. For example, a child can hide his test score because he n 'did not get an A or may be hard with themselves and feel that they should have studied stronger, "she said.

In the end, this can hinder an open and honest relationship, in which the child feels that he can present himself within the family as me.

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You might think that the priority status granted would help a child to develop an unshakable self -esteem, but the therapists agree that it can have the opposite effect. Because the golden child often rests strongly on external validation, their Egos can also be more deeply bruised when they are criticized.

"If someone tells him something rude or that he feels excluded from a group, he can feel negatively towards themselves and feel a sort of disappointment or have done something wrong. High of the World, "explains Goldberg.

They can even go to great efforts to guarantee this feeling of external validation. "An example would be a grandparent coming and complimenting something that their brother does. The golden child then rises and suggests that they look at something to try to put themselves in sister and maintain their superiority status quo In this family "," she adds.

When you spend most of your life, it can be difficult to know you. To this end, the golden child "can have little self -awareness for whom they are, what they like or do not like, and who they wish to be", explains Reed.

These trends that please people can also result in a lack of borders in other relationships.

Over time, all of this can be wreaking havoc on the mental health of the golden child, explains Paruolo.

"There could be increased stress, anxiety and depression due to the pressures of conditional circumstances which maintain their status as a golden child," said the therapist. "This is a complicated role in which the golden child is placed, which is accompanied by many overhaul expectations and conditions."

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There are several steps that you can take to start heal if you feel that you have grown up as a golden in your family.

Reed says therapy is a good starting point. "A therapist can help disentangle deep beliefs and establish a healthier self-perception," she notes.

You will also want to prioritize self-exploration when you track down. "Think about personal values and passions to rediscover your authentic self," explains Reed. This is particularly important if your feeling of identity has become tangled with pleasant others, which makes it difficult to know what you really want.

As part of this, you will also have to establish healthy limits in your relationships. Reed recommends working to learn to say "no" without guilt and to surround yourself with a support network for people who appreciate you for whom you are, not what you do.

It is also important to extend this same compassion to yourself. Practice to be soft with yourself and embrace imperfections and errors within the framework of the human being. Give yourself the unconditional love that you may miss in your previous years.

And finally, do not presume that you have necessarily been damaged by your experience, says Paul Losoff , PsyD, clinical psychologist with Foundation psychology group : "A gilded child can become a successful and thoughtful person. They have learned to meet the high expectations of their parents and, as adults, to prosper and to become extraordinary individuals."