7 signs that you were raised by a narcissistic mother, says the therapist
Here's how to spot red flags in your own parent.
When you grow up, it is normal for your parents to be an excessive presence in your life - after all, you are counting on them not only for emotional security but also for the very tools of your survival. However, as a child grows and wins independence, a healthy parent-child relationship will naturally go to something more balanced. The parent will come to see his offspring as his own distinct person with valid needs, desires and perspectives worthy of validation and support. Unfortunately, if you have been raised by a narcissistic mother, it is unlikely that it is your experience.
Actually, informed psychotherapist and content creator MIA AINI said that there are seven common ways that narcissistic mothers tend to derail their relationships with their children. It is only by noting them that you can start to extract yourself from these toxic models, she warns.
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1 They center conversations around them.
Narcissism is largely defined by the lack of empathy of a person, the sense of grandiosity or superiority and law. This is why the narcissists will generally put themselves at the center of the conversation as far as possible. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
"They have skills to return each conversation to them, even when the subject is about you," said Amini in a recent Tiktok Post .
This can be particularly difficult to face when the narcissist in question is your mother, because he undermines a real link between you. If the gently conversation of the conversation on more neutral subjects seems to fail, seeing a family therapist can help you establish a more balanced dynamic.
2 Their love is conditional.
If you notice that your mother lives between you love and reject you, it is another sign that he can be a narcissist. Sudden temperature drops - first their behavior are hot, then icy - could mean that they use their love as a manipulation tool.
"Their affection is conditional and often resembles a transaction," says Amini. "They give you the attention and kindness that when you meet their needs or make them feel good or else."
3 They enlighten you.
Gas lighting is another current symptom of narcissism, says Amini. If your mother is narcissistic, she can deny or ignore your perception of reality, leading you to feel confused or disoriented.
"They never recognize your sense of reality," said the psychotherapist. "They overthrow the situation, making you doubt your own memories and feelings, and they insist that things have happened differently from what you remember."
In relation: 4 signs that your parent enlightens you, the therapist says .
4 They are your hardest critic.
It is common in the parent-child relationship so that the two parties feel criticized, but if you notice that your mother is always your hardest critic, there can be a deeper problem in play.
The narcissists "are masters to criticize, often hard and personal, and they criticize you much more than they praise or support you," said Amini. If you notice that your parent is regularly demolishing you, it's a major red flag, she warns.
5 They create a drama.
All families have a conflict, but if you notice that your mother appreciates drama, it can be a sign that she has narcissistic trends. "They thrive on chaos and conflicts just to be at the center of attention or assert their domination," said Amini.
A narcissistic mother can use an inflammatory or exaggerated language, read in people's intentions or set up on the failures or the transgressions of others, all in order to strengthen the intensity of the relationship or to throw themselves into the role of the victim. If you see that happening often, it could be a sign that your mother has narcissistic features.
In relation: 3 red flags that you are at an appointment with a narcissist, says the therapist .
6 They hold you according to them.
When you are physically, emotionally or financially dependent On someone, it strengthens an uneven power dynamic between you. A narcissistic mother will often intentionally feed this dependence to maintain their feeling of control and superiority.
"Your independence is their drawback. All the steps you take towards your autonomy are encountered by a resistance or a pure sabotage," explains Amini.
7 They make you endorse their approval.
Finally, if your mother is narcissistic, she will always make him love or approval of something you need to win or achieve.
"They use love as a weapon, offering it as a reward for conformity and withdraw it as a punishment, making their approval that you think you should win many and many times," said Amini.
If you notice this particular trait, it is important to step back and give you your own unconditional approval. Focus on your strengths, be proud of your big and small achievements and give yourself the grace when you find yourself in difficulty.
Although you cannot always repair the broken dynamics in your relationships, you can protect your mental health by Create limits and practice personal care. Talk to a therapist to learn more about how to cure injuries to grow with a narcissistic parent.
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