Why you should never call a narcissist - and what to do instead, therapists say

Experts warn that labels could cause more harm than good.


At the end of the day, all that anyone who wants is to feel seen, heard, supported and respected in his relationships, whether at work or with family, friends or Romantic partners . But achieving this type of open communication can be easier to say than to do when he speaks to someone with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or who has narcissistic trends.

According to Laura Bonk , Ma, plpc, therapist at Heartland therapeutic connection , the narcissistic personality is "composed of the following elements basic features : Lack of empathy, selfishness, deception, manipulation, exploitation, law and a grandiose feeling of self-importance. "" AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

These revealing signs are often associated with other red flags such as a superiority complex; be too charming at the start of a relationship; have a thirst for compliments; gas lighting ; And deny the blame. Likewise, you may notice that they Use the deviation To control conversations, become aggressive during the arguments and frequently play the victim card.

In relation: 8 "small but toxic" things to stop telling your partner, according to the therapists .

If you have been despised by a narcissist in the past, you may have planned to call them. Although this can bring you comfort in the moment, the experts warn that the labeling of a narcissist like "a narcissist" will only add a flame to the fire. After all, nobody wants to be called narcissistic - especially A narcissist.

"You will be shouted, which has been satisfied to you, said that you are in judgment or mean, and that you are probably receiving a list of reasons that they think you are a narcissist," Chelsey Cole , psychotherapist and author of If only I knew: how to thwart narcissists, set limpability limits and create unshakable self -esteem , recently said USA today .

It doesn't matter how much the subject slowly tackles the subject. A narcissist will not react warmly, even if you come from them out of love and out of concern, reiterated Cole. And because narcissists tend to lack self -awareness and empathy, they will probably not change paths despite what you say.

"Many people think that if they could help the narcissist to see who they are and to see how harmful their behaviors, then the narcissist will change, or at least would not be able to deny that what they do is harmful, "said Cole. "But the narcissists already know that what they do is harmful. They don't care."

Stéphanie Sarkis , psychotherapist and author of Heal toxic relationships: 10 essential steps to recover from gas, narcissism and emotional violence lighting , said USA today This alert from a narcissist to their injuring behavior could come back to bite you.

"They will punish you by turning things over you," said Sarkis. "They can also punish you with rage. They can also punish you with silence, like Stonewalling, which acts as if you don't even exist."

So what is the best way to manage a narcissist? Rather than calling a pure and simple narcissist, Ramani Durvasula , psychologist and author of Should I stay or should I go there?: Survive a relationship with a narcissist , suggested to USA today To make an inventory of your safety and your health first. Then take stock of their narcissistic trends and how they affect you directly.

"Now you know how to manage them," said Durvasula. "You know how to have more realistic expectations of their behavior, how to interact with them, know what they are and are not capable."

If you always want to speak, it is better to call specific behaviors rather than labels, say the experts - do not expect real changes to be made.

"You are much more likely to have a productive conversation if you report behavior than if you have already said that someone was a narcissistic person, and even the chances of having a productive conversation by emphasizing their behavior is quite low" , noted Durvasula.

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