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There is no bypass because the relationships are not easy. First of all, you have to find someone you log in and fix a date To see if there is a spark. From there, it becomes even more delicate. After spending time together, you have to decide if this person is someone you would like to continue to see or if you prefer to continue to look for a better match. Making this choice is sometimes difficult, although it can be easier when some red flags are present. To help you know which warning signs indicate that your relationship is condemned (or do not make yourself unhappy), we have consulted therapists on the red flags that you should never ignore. Read the rest to save you years of agony with an incompatible partner.

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What is a red flag of relationship?

The term "red flag" applies to any behavior that could lead to a toxic dynamic in your relationship. The idiom dates back to the 18th century when real red flags were deployed during the battle to report a danger or a need to stop. The ships flying these banners were known to show " show no mercy , "Or no pity, and the railways would use them as a sign to stop.

Although not all red flags are able to destroy a relationship, they must be treated. Even minor problems can make currency in the main points of contention between you and your partner. It is also important to understand the complete spectrum of red flags. We must all recognize that control of behavioral and communication problems can weigh on a relationship, but small things like bad visual contact or a series of stories concerning ex "crazy" could also issue problems.

20 red flags to look for in a relationship

1. All their exs are sort of "crazy".

If you meet someone who has only negative things to say about each ex, consider it as a red flag. It is not as if you have to look with emotion all your past relationships, but if your partner is not able to find something nice to say on one, then that asks the question: is it the ex , or are they the common denominator in a series of unsuccessful relationships? "This can be a situation in which your partner rewrites history and always blames others," said Marissa T. Cohen , Phd ,, marriage and family therapist . "If this is the case, the person does not recognize the role they play in the relationship."

2. They don't have a lot of social circle.

If your new partner is in a way a lone wolf, it could be worrying. Jessica Harrison , A Authorized professional advisor And the owner of courageous counseling and consulting, says that a lack of long -term friendships is a huge red flag. "This shows that they were not determined to grow in relationships, which takes time and efforts from the two friends," said Harrison. "People change over time and a part of being in a long -term friendship means accepting your friends and your friendship when it redefines itself throughout the life cycle." If they have not practiced this in a friendship, they may have trouble doing it in a romantic relationship.

It is possible to move forward with someone who has no long -term friendships. Harrison simply recommends ensuring that you do not detach yourself from your own social circle while you do. "Many people who have no long-term positive friendships in their lives will ask, suggest or demand that you are also freeing some of your friendships," she warns. "Do not make this tragic error." Your friends are your support system and you should abandon anyone who wants you to abandon them.

3. They precipitate the relationship forward too quickly.

It is in fact a fairly common red flag to see during the early stages of a new relationship. Young people could qualify this practice of "bombing of love", which is a term for someone who shower you with affection and attention. Of course, enthusiasm in a new relationship is always appreciated. However, some abusers use bombings love to manipulate their partners, confusing them to accept ill -treatment. Too much too fast attention could quickly turn into dependent behaviors on the entire line, which opens the door to many other toxic dynamics.

4. They try to change you.

The right partner will accept you as you are, while the bad partner can do the opposite. "One of the biggest red flags of a relationship is when you notice that you are involved with someone who wants to change the way you behave, talk, dress, interact with others, live or pass your time, "said Monica Vermani ,, clinical psychologist and author of Deeper well-being . "Someone who wants to change you essentially does not want the real you, he wants his version of the perfect partner - and he is ready to train, denigrate and manipulate an individual to become his perfect partner."

5. Your relationship objectives do not line up.

It is another of these common red flags that tend to appear at the start of a newly formed romantic relationship. Although it is normal not to rush into "The Talk", it is important to finally describe your Relationship objectives . According to Cohen, avoiding the subject could point out that they want something much more relaxed than you hoped for.

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6. You never fight.

Shouting blasphemies to your significant other is not ok, but if you are never at all disagreement, it can be a red flag. "When couples say they don't fight, I still consider it a sign that the relationship is not as strong as you might think," said Nicole Rainey ,, Approved mental health advisor and founder of Mosaic Creative Counselling, LLC. "Avoiding conflicts or disagreements is not a sign of a healthy relationship and couples who say they do not often fight that they keep each of the things stuffed and do not communicate their problems aloud." When their real feelings are stifled, resentment can grow.

7. They show signs of drug addiction.

Some may consider evidence of drug addiction as a yellow flag-that is to say. A reason to be careful rather than put an end to the relationship right away. For others, it may be a break. "It's delicate," explains Cohen. "It can be a red flag for someone if he had problems consuming substances themselves or supported a loved one throughout his trip with drug addiction." Returning the movements again with a new partner could be too much a trigger for some people.

That said, the difficulties of dependence of a partner do not necessarily have to disembark the relationship. "It's not necessarily a problem," she adds. "The person can actively work on the means of managing their consumption of substances and requesting appropriate help."

8. You hide your doubts about the relationship.

Be honest: do you think your person is the one ? If your inner voice says no, it's a major red flag. "People can have recurrent thoughts of doubt that they minimize in their minds and do not share openly because they think it is their own problem and something they must understand," explains Matthew brace , LMFT, who works with couples to Embraced therapy . "In the relationship, things may seem good, but a partner can be concerned with unwanted thoughts of doubt and to feel stuck on what to do." When these thoughts are not dealt with, this can lead to disconnection within the relationship.

To improve this problem, the partner with doubts must rank - and the other partner must take it in stride. "If someone shares their doubts and their partner responds in a reassuring and understanding way, it will strengthen the relationship," explains brace. "However, if someone shares his thoughts of doubt and his partner criticizes in a critical way, this will probably create a distance in the relationship and potentially confirm the hypotheses of doubt."

9. You have no deep conversations.

Your first meeting will probably be filled with small conversations and jokes. But if you are not starting to develop an emotional intimacy when you continue to see a new person, it could be a red flag. "As the relationship progresses, there should be discussions on all hard subjects - liberation, politics, money, emotions," said Dana Torpey-Newman , A approved clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. "This should be real conversations where the differences are identified and examined." While discussing these subjects, the former cannot guarantee that you will not have disagreement on the road, "you considerably increase the probability of moving in a connected manner through these events if you have shared values and perspectives on life, "she said.

10. Your friends and family do not want to spend time with them.

Usually, friends and family members have only our best interests in mind, so it's a big problem for them not to want to spend time with your partner. According to Cohen, an openly hostile relationship between your partner and other close people can indicate more important problems in play. Not only that, the more the problem persists, the more likely you are to move away from your own support network. Conflict resolution and compromise are two important elements of a relationship. Refusing to participate in one or the other of these processes in order to improve your connection is a major red flag.

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11. They avoid visual contact.

If you feel like you've not looked at your partner in your eyes for weeks, it could be worrying. "As a rule, humans are engaged in visual contact with people to whom they feel closer or are attracted," explains David Helfand , Psyd, approved psychologist and owner of Life Wise. "If you notice that your partner avoids visual contact, this could mean that something is happening below the surface that must be addressed."

You can also ask yourself the same question: do I avoid visual contact and why?

Helfand says that this problem can be solved by looking at the eyes. "Many couples feel closer to each other who even spend a few minutes two to five days a week looking in the eyes of each other," he explains, noting that this can happen during sex , or simply when you sit on the sofa together after work. "It is a powerful way to reconstruct a connection with a loved one and can have deep effects on the relationship and the individual well-being of each person," he adds.

12. You assume they would never do something.

It can be as simple as assuming that your partner would never be in parachuting or as serious as supposing that he would nor cheat. "If a person believes that his partner would never do or do not think this or that, it means that he could have an idea of his partner instead of seeing them as a whole and complex," said Alli Spotts-de-Lazzer ,, Authorized and family wedding therapist . "In addition, this kind of reflection can lead a person to miss subtle and manifest signs because of their own state of mind."

To solve this problem, stop making assumptions. "Even a revision of thought to" I do not believe that my partner would be X 'can help ", explains Spotts-de-Lazzer." For a relationship to be authentically strong, we must see ourselves realistically instead of idealistic ideas on whom is a person. "

13. They are bad in communication.

Communication is an absolute must in a relationship. An inability to communicate openly And with understanding, even allows the smallest bad ball commands in something worse. It is also important to talk about things for your own mental health. Think about it. Has it never helped things? If anything, it leads to more resentment.

Of course, not everyone has an easy time to open up to their feelings, and communication can take different forms. However, it is important to find a connection method to solve the problems that may arise.

14. You feel more when they are not there.

"Solid relationships are often a source of comfort," said Allison Raskin , author of Think about you: navigate in romantic relationships when you have anxiety, OCD and / or depression . "If you have the impression that you should walk on egg shells or think too much about your behavior when you are with your significant other, it can be a signal that you are not a space for each other . " AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

However, this does not mean that your relationship is necessarily doomed to failure. "Sometimes periods of disconnection occur in long -term relationships and you can re -make this connection through vulnerable (and perhaps uncomfortable) conversations, or spending more time together," says Raskin Better life . "Think of what others do so that you feel comfortable and you hear, then if your partner is missing in these areas, maybe start a discussion on what you can do to improve things."

15. They don't want to compromise.

Each relationship takes a compromise. But who welcomes who? If it is always you who go back, it could be the sign of a toxic relationship. "Although flexibility is a force, the compromise should be a double -meaning street. But sometimes the couples are locked in a dynamic where a partner is always the one to give in to maintain peace," explains Raskin.

"If you find that you are the only one to compromise (big to small problems), it is worth trying to support you with something and see how your partner reacts," she suggests. "Maybe you just folded too quickly to give them the chance to intensify, or maybe you will learn that they are incredibly stubborn and unwavering. Anyway, you want to try to break the cycle so that there is more balance and less space for resentment to be built. "

16. They act when you spend time away from them.

Any attempt to alienate yourself from other relationships is a red, simple and simple flag. Healthy relationships should feed the independence of each partner. You should be able to do things by yourself, take care of your own needs and spend happy time with others, even when your partner is not there.

If your partner has a problem with this, you may need to re-examine your dynamics. "A person who acts when you spend time away from them can try to control you and limit your access to social support to others," explains Cohen.

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17. Your instinct tells you that something is disabled.

Sometimes, a feeling of negative intestine is the most revealing red flag, even if you cannot identify the problem. "If you have a feeling of caution about the person you get out, don't ignore it," said Michael Cely ,, Authorized and family wedding therapist and owner of Celey Counseling. "It's your own personal red flag, and it tries to tell you something."

David Helfand , an approved psychologist specializing in couple therapy, agrees. "The human intestine has a whole nervous system called the enteric nervous system," he said. "It helps us to syntonize a very subtle consciousness, but because it has no cortex, it has no language or discreet conscience." However, he notes that the body can react and send us messages long before our conscious mind gives meaning to a situation. So if your intestine tells you something, listen - it could be the biggest red flag of all.

18. Their quirks no longer seem cute.

It is normal to get excited occasionally by your partner. Everyone has quirks, and they are not always adorable. But you should not spend most of your time together feel irritated by the presence of your partner. An inability to embrace their idiosyncrasia can indicate that there is a more substantial problem in the relationship. Really think about what bothers you - and why.

19. They have anger management problems.

Your partner unable to control himself during an argument is one of those warning signs that should not be ignored.

"Poor self -regulation can lead to bad relationships," says Cohen. It is normal for couples to have conflicts from time to time, but it is also imperative to practice conflict resolution in a way that leaves everyone validated - and, more importantly, in safety.

In relation: How do you know if you like a girl? 12 signs that say she is interested .

20. Any type of physical, verbal or emotional violence.

Abusive behavior is a step above a red flag. It is a reason to immediately move away from a relationship.

We all make compromises for our partners, but your health and well-being should never be at stake. If you feel dangerous in your relationship, reach out and get support, whether through family and friends , a professional source or both.

Abuse does not take a single form either. Emotional negligence, verbal ill -treatment and financial violence are only a few methods by which attackers can seek to control their partners. If all this seems familiar to you, make a plan to withdraw from the situation as quickly as possible.

Wrap

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