Good Lifestyle

The conflict is inevitable in any relationship, whatever your compatibility with your partner or how solid your link is in rock. Experts agree that it is how You engage in a conflict that counts. Certain Types of arguments And behavior during conflicts can become downright toxic, eroding confidence, respect and the feeling of security in the relationship.

"A fight can be considered toxic when it is not productive in any way," says ALANA Carvalho , A Approved mental health advisor and expert in relation. "In other words, the fight does not help to solve problems but is rather used as a way to be injuring your partner. These fights are often those where the names are called, the whores are used and the blame is an appearance center. "

Toxic fights are not always necessarily a sign that you should end a relationship, adds Carvalho. However, they are a sign that you must ask for help - talk to the therapist of a couple - and establish basic rules for what is and is not correct during an argument.

Wondering what your conflicts say about your relationship? Here are some fights that only toxic couples have, according to experts.

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Have you ever felt like you've ever seen when you fight with your partner? It's a red flag , said Carvalho.

"A toxic fight that I generally see is a repetitive fight in which the same argument occurs again and again without resolution," she said Better life . "Arguing several times on the same thing means that one or both partners do not follow the following steps. This can also mean that there are deeper underlying problems that are not resolved."

For example, if you and your partner continue to have financial disagreement , there is obviously a disconnection in your expectations on how money should be managed. Or, if you continue to fight on household work , then you have clearly not found a way to share the responsibilities in a way that seems right to you. It is probably because you could not or do not want to hear the perspectives of others and find a compromise.

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"The main characteristic of a toxic fight is when one or more participants are not intended to find a solution to the problem," explains Avigail Lev , PsyD, a Cognitivo-Corvéal Authorized (CBT) therapist and founder of CBT center in the Bay region And Online CBT . AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

When you only fight to win, you will always develop your next answer rather than listening to what your partner tells you. You will be brushed their thoughts and feelings and refuse to take up any responsibility for your role in the problem.

Even if someone in the relationship wishes to solve the problem, it may be problematic that the other partner has a different program.

"Maybe a person wants to negotiate one solution and the other person wants to make the other person feel guilty," said Lev. "Or maybe one person wants to be understood and the other wants to be right. Maybe a person wants to solve a problem and the other person wants to blame."

Until you and your partner can focus on listening to each other, rather than simply asserting your cause, you will probably never feel satisfied with the end of your fights.

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Gas lighting - A form of emotional violence which implies ensuring that the other person questions their reality - is toxic behavior, a complete stop. According to Carvalho, this type of manipulation can have a serious number on self -esteem and self -confidence.

Whether you realize it or not, you and your partner can enlighten you if you continually deny the experiences of others - for example, saying "it never happened!" When you don't want to recognize something hurtful, you have done.

Invalidate the realities of the other can reproduce toxic fights which are not likely to be resolved because you cannot even agree on the details of what happened.

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It goes a little something like this: you confront your partner about something that has injured you. Your partner says that his behavior is your fault due to something you said or made. You then make an excuse for this behavior because of something they said or done - and on the cycle goes. Ping-ponging blame in both directions never really works. The two partners must have a feeling of responsibility - to validate the experiences of the other and recognize what they can do differently next time.

"The change of blame is an unnecessary strategy for resolving conflicts," explains Lev. "You must ask yourself, do you want to solve the problem or find who is at fault for the problems? Because you cannot make both. To solve a conflict means to abandon who is at fault and to take it as a fact that both People must assume the responsibility of finding solutions. Which is at fault is not relevant. "

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"Another example of one toxic thing to do in a fight is to tell the other person how they feel or do not take their emotions at their nominal value," explains Lev.

For example, if your partner tells you that he feels sad and that you continue to insist on the fact that they are rather angry, it is problematic. Lev notes that this implies that you know the own emotions of your partner better than them - which, of course, is not true.

Another example is if your partner shares that something is affected by their feelings, and you claim that it is not or not. "Feelings and needs can never be discussed," adds Lev.

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