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Receiving a compliment is a nice little boost of serotonin, and this kind of Praise of others Can sometimes be enough to make your day. Most of us also like to make compliments and let others know that we admire or appreciate them, so that they can also have this great feeling. But although we sometimes have the best intentions when we distribute kind words, certain declarations or compliments which, in our view, are polite are secretly offensive.

"Compliments that are really rude are most often called compliments in reverse", " Beth Ribarsky , PHD, professor of Interpersonal communication At the University of Illinois, explains Springfield, noting that they sometimes come from jealousy. And when directed against marginalized groups, they can also take the form of micro-aggressions.

However, most people are not malicious - and they may not realize that their compliments are on the back, according to Ribarsky.

"Instead, some are said with a good, but ultimately ignorant, intention," she said. "Whether it is intentionally injuring or not, what matters is if the compliment makes you feel bad about yourself."

You may not realize that something you believe to be nice could also be hurtful, which is why it is important to step back and think about how the other person could perceive your words. In fact, experts say that there are several common "polished compliments" that people give that can be offensive for others. Read the rest to find out what you may want to avoid saying in the conversation.

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Commenting on the physical appearance of others - and in particular their weight - has become a little taboo. You do not know what the other can go through, and say something like: "you seem to lose weight", maybe a blow in their self -image.

"Although it could have kind reasons, it implies that the person should have lost weight, or that he was less beautiful on a different weight," Carrie ,, life coach and founder of Sunup coaching , tell Better life .

Clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly , PHD, author of Joy of fear , also has "compliments" linked to weight on his list of No-Nos.

"When we use the power of empathy to get into someone else's shoes, we can often imagine how a compliment could be perceived. Too often, however, we offer compliments '' without realizing that 'He may not feel as nice to the receiver as the intention behind them, "said Manly. "For example, you might feel that you compliment a friend who has lost a few pounds saying:" You look great now that you have lost weight. "However, the friend can deduce that he did not look great before losing a little weight."

Kristi Spencer , label expert and founder of Polie company , recommends talking to someone's general well-being, instead of focusing on your weight.

"When someone undergoes a change in weight, be attentive in your answer," she said. "Weight fluctuations can be due to medical conditions. Unless someone shares their intention to lose weight with you, it is best to focus on your general well-being."

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Commenting on age is another risky area where your compliments could otherwise be perceived as offensive.

Ribarsky says you might say by saying, "You look good for your age", but it may not be interpreted in this way.

"Although she can be conceived as a compliment, her qualifier implies that one seems only good compared to others of their age," she said. "The simple fact of withdrawing the" for your age "can transform this hurtful declaration into a positive declaration."

Sue can ,, Menopause and mid-life coach , adds that it also incorrects when we were finally "looking at our age", things will take place. This is particularly relevant for women, who "are constantly examined for our appearance," said May.

"We must start normalizing the search for our age, that it is not only a privilege of aging, but that there is beauty in our faces and our bodies that hold the wisdom and experience of our years ", May, who is also the founder of The forties has evolved explain. "What would you just say," you look great "and leaving aside the part of the age? I think it's a better approach!"

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Ribarsky also warns against "compliments" that are qualified by sex and gender, like saying: "You are so intelligent for a woman" or "you are so fashionable for a man".

"This is the one I meet personally quite often. Although I have heard it in many contexts and with many characteristics, I hear it most often as regards my physique," she shares. "I have worked hard in recent years to lift heavier weights at the gymnasium, so I often hear:" You are really strong for a woman. "The qualifier finally discredits my strength."

Spencer also warns that this should not be specific to men and women, as you can also make a rude compliment by using another qualifier.

"Saying:" You are so funny / athletic / intelligent for a [white] ", implies that you have preconceived expectations based on stereotypes," she says. "It is essential to appreciate someone's qualities without making assumptions about their history or their characteristics."

This one is another comment that you may not recognize immediately as on the back. However, asking someone why they are single is never appropriate, even if you amortizing them by complimenting their appearance. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"To say," You are so beautiful, why are you still single? "is not a compliment," says Spencer. "It is better to refrain from commenting on someone's matrimonial state unless they choose to do it."

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To tell someone that he "deserves better" that a former partner is almost a reflex when he comforts someone who crosses a divorce or a break. But Rose warns that you should think about what this sentence really implies before saying.

"Although it could feel a little good to hear, at some point, they wanted and liked to be with this person! So, to say that they deserve better could imply that the relationship was a stupid choice in the first place," said Pink.

She continues: "Relationships change, even for two good people. Do not drop the former partner or the former partner unless the person you are talking about does not give you permission to do so. The divorce is sorrow , and that the striker of another human is not always useful. "

You have definitely heard this sentence launched, but if this is something that you often say to others, you may want to reconsider.

"'You clean well' is a sentence that can prove to be nice, but it actually implies that they are normally not as good, which can be very hurtful for the person you are talking to!" Daniel Rinaldi ,, Therapist, life coach , and founder of Live Your F'N Life Coaching, says Better life . "To say that they" clean themselves well "suggest that their usual appearance is far from being desirable and that their efforts to be more beautiful are a surprise or the ordinary. Essentially, it is self -esteem and the Self -image of the individual, suggesting that their daily appearance is lower. "

Instead of using this potentially harmful sentence, Rinaldi suggests focusing on positive aspects "without involving a negative comparison with their usual state".

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When a friend or a family member has a lot on his plate and manages it well, you want to let him know how much you admire them. But saying: "I don't know how you do everything" Ann Runkle ,, divorce and career coach and founder of Forward with Ann , said.

"In the world of divorce, single parents (especially single mothers) will often hear someone say:" I don't know how you do everything! "", Said Runkle. "[It is] generally said with a well -intentioned intention that tries to recognize the heavy burden that a single parent carries, but it is one of the most frustrating" compliments "for a single mother to hear."

She explains: "If we didn't have everything, we wouldn't do it. We have no choice. If we don't do it, no one else will do it. Know how you do everything," It's just ”because I have to do it.

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This one is particularly difficult because to tell someone that he looks like a celebrity or a famous person could be your form of praise. Complicate things more, when you tell someone they look like someone You Perceive as beautiful, you probably assume that the person at the reception will have the same opinion. But in reality, you don't know if your Doppelgänger suggestion will offend them.

"Avoid telling someone that he looks like someone else," said Spencer. "You never know how the receiver will take this message."

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To tell someone that he looks great is a perfect compliment, but the problem here is the addition of the word "now". Similar to the comments on weight loss, this word insinuates that someone did not seem "great" before.

Buldini page ,, beautician and founder of Costestal Care Aesthetic Page , said that she sees it happening when a client's skin improves.

"As a esthetician, people will tell me the comments they receive from others after receiving a treatment for skin care, and although these comments are supposed to be nice, they can often feel rude to the recipient. A comment that people get a lot is "the skin looks great now! "" Explains Buldini.

She notes that you can get this "compliment" after any change in your physical appearance - and it often appears as a critic and critical.

"This can make the person feel embarrassed or as if their past appearance was somehow unacceptable," said Bullini. "In general, it is more polite and attentive to offer compliments without implicit comparisons with the previous state of the person."

Regarding clothes and style, we all have our own preferences. He can therefore be perceived as offensive if you tell someone that he is "courageous" to make certain fashion choices.

"Although it looks like a compliment, and perhaps you think, telling someone they are courageous implies that they must be courageous. So the question in the person's mind can be: "I just wear something I love, why does it make me brave? Geneviève Dreizen , expert in modern label and co-founder of Fresh departure register , said.

Dreizen notes that this sentence is "used as a coded way to tell someone that his clothes are inappropriate, unflattering or socially unacceptable".

Alternatively, she suggests saying something in the sense of: "I love it on you!" This declaration communicates a real admiration, without any warning.

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Of course, there are other statements beyond those listed above which could be gross or insensitive-even if it is not your intention. But Manly says that in these situations, you will probably know if you are offering someone.

"If you see a look at the check on someone's face after complimenting, you can often adjust things correctly," she said. "For example, you could say," It did not do well. What I meant is that you look great. ""

But before having to go back, it is probably easier to choose appropriate compliments that focus on the person rather than a specific functionality or physical quality.

"When someone's energy is very kind or sweet, I tend to complete these features, and if someone shines with positivity or soul, I would simply say:" You shine with such great energy "", Share Manly. "Another advice to avoid the faux pas de compliment is to comment on a global scale rather than personally. For example, instead of commenting on the appearance of an outfit on a person, you could complete the clothes itself in Saying: "It's an excellent style - what great colors! ""

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