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Divorce is not something that surprises you. In most cases, there is information indicating that it is happening ...and often they are distributed over years, even decades. Common culprits of problems include infidelity, conflict, financial problems , and sometimes just fall in love. The key to avoiding a breakup, if you think the relationship is worth saving, is to catch those issues early and fix them. This could mean seeing a couples therapist or having honest conversations about how you can each do better. But first you have to spot the signs. Keep reading to hear from therapists and relationship experts about the red flags that mean divorce could be in your future.

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9 red flags about divorce

1. Your partner no longer responds to your requests.

In a strong relationship, each partner will care about and meet the needs of the other. However, if your marriage is heading towards divorce, these requests could go unnoticed.

"For example, you can say, 'It would mean a lot to me if you rubbed my back,' and your partner never takes the time to do that activity," explains Lauren Napolitano , PsyD, a licensed psychologist in Philadelphia. "Or, 'It hurts me that you're not wearing your wedding ring' and your partner isn't putting on their wedding ring quickly."

If these simple requests are ignored, it shows your partner isn't motivated to make you feel happy or loved, Napolitano says. The same concept works in reverse: if you don't pay attention or respond to your partner's requests, it could mean that your love is on the decline.

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2. Your partner despises you.

Dismissive words and behavior are also signs of trouble ahead. “In a healthy marriage, when a spouse is upset about something or has a concern and tries to discuss it, ideally it receives support, an open heart and an open mind,” explains Alyse Freda-Colon , LCSW, Founder of Coaching with Alyse .

"If your spouse tells you that you're being ridiculous or what you're bringing up is stupid or that you should stop feeling what you're feeling, or he turns around and blames you, those are all red flags," she explains. They indicate a lack of respect, which can be difficult to remedy.

3. Your partner is codependent.

Spending every moment together can be unhealthy, and over time a codependent partner can put so much pressure on the relationship that it crumbles.

"Couples who maintain a healthy balance between 'oneness' or a sense of partnership and individuality tend to maintain a healthy relationship or marriage for long periods of time," explains Callisto Adams , dating and relationship expert at He texted . "The lack of individuality tends to push the couple into a sort of bubble where they see no one but their partner."

Adams notes that a codependent partner may exhibit attachment, insecurity, or controlling behavior.

READ THIS NEXT: 5 Signs Your Marriage Is Divorce Proof, According To Therapists .

4. You fight for the division of labor.

The arguments you make about unloading the dishwasher might be more important than you think.

“The division of labor is one of the biggest sources of resentment and conflict in a relationship,” says Lisa Lawless , PhD, CEO of holistic wisdom . "If a partner does most household chores and planning the couple's life and taking on the role of parent to the other partner, a lot of resentment will often develop."

It's also important to keep in mind that a partner's mental load can be just as stressful as the job itself, notes Lawless: "For example, if a couple were going on a trip, that wouldn't just include the task of making reservations, but the mental burden of planning the details of the trip, such as transportation, packing, household arrangements like stopping the mail or getting the plants watered.

If your partner has repeatedly brought up this issue, resentment could grow and a divorce could be brewing.

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5. There is contempt between you two.

Greyson Smith , MA, LPCC, therapist at Shared heart advice , sees expressions of contempt as the biggest red flag of possible divorce.

“When we speak disrespectfully towards our partners, launch into name-calling, make fun of, or use passive-aggressive methods. body language like rolling our eyes, we're sending a signal of disrespect to our partner," Smith says. "If disrespect is present in your relationship, it demonstrates that your partner lacks the ability to care about your needs. , at least for the moment, and I cannot accept that you are a suffering human being. »

Curiously, contempt is often a power move aimed at regaining control of a failing relationship, Smith explains. Unfortunately, this does not mean that the litigious partner is ready to change the situation.

“They will likely be resistant to marriage counseling, which makes it less likely that this destructive pattern will break,” Smith adds.

RELATED: 7 things divorced people wish they had done differently in their marriage .

6. Physical affection is gone.

"One thing I've learned from my clients over the years is that if you and your spouse are living more like roommates, that usually means a divorce," shares Derek Jacques , divorce lawyer at Mitten law firm . ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb

Jacques explains that while you and your partner may have fun in other ways (for example, enjoying game night with friends or going out to dinner with your kids), it's a red flag when passion and the romance are gone.

“While it is true that over time feelings change and there are actions that are no longer recurrent as before, [when] there is no display of affection towards your partner, it's a sign that things are not going well," he said. Aura Of Los Santos , clinical psychologist and specialist at NCHC .

7. You feel like strangers under the same roof.

When it comes to roommate living, if you or your partner seem to be "leading a parallel life, even living under the same roof," that could be a major red flag, according to De Los Santos.

"They don't have a common project, each is focused on their own things, they don't spend time growing the relationship, and that, over time, creates not only physical distance but also emotional distance," De Los Santos said. explain.

"There's nothing wrong with someone taking an interest in a new hobby or business," notes the divorce attorney. Jacqueline Newman , managing partner at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP . "What's not normal is when a partner seems to have found a new singular interest - hanging out with friends you don't know, traveling alone or pursuing hobbies that don't involve you. - and furthermore, don't focus on I'm even trying to include you.

To break this sequence, marriage mediator Nancy Fagan , LMFT, suggests that you and your partner do something together. "No matter what it is, the goal is to merge your time," Fagan says. "It creates an emotional connection, which is essential for a fulfilling relationship."

RELATED: 6 Red Flags That Indicate Cheating, Therapists Warn .

8. You disagree about money.

Most therapists will tell you that sex and money are the two most difficult topics for couples to talk about. But when it comes to that last point, if you and your partner disagree, it could become a problem that communication can't solve.

"Money, you see, isn't just about bills and bank accounts. It's about power, control, security and sometimes even love." Laura Wasser , relationship expert and head of divorce developments at Divorce.com . "If one person still holds the financial reins and the other feels like they're there for the ride, trouble is brewing."

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9. You never fight.

If you think a conflict-free relationship is divorce-proof, think again. Couples who never argue can also be on the brink.

"Conflict represents a level of emotional commitment necessary for a relationship and shows that a couple is willing to try to come together and, even if there is no resolution, they are at least striving to find a bond with each other," says Smith.

"Couples who don't argue often are so set in their patterns that they've completely given up, stopped trying to get to their spouse, and they likely have a lot of unmet needs histories that support this. withdrawal.” adds Smith.

In other words, the absence of conflict signals a lack of hope. If you see this pattern in your relationship, chat with an expert AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

And remember, "every relationship has its hiccups," Wasser notes. "It's how you approach them that counts. Sometimes all you need to do is put on some comfy pants, sit on the couch and really listen to yourself. That's not the kind of listening where you just wait your turn to speak, but the kind where you also hear the unsaid."