6 House rules that you should establish with adult children
Here's how to make sure it goes well, according to mental health experts.
Thanks to the pandemic, inflation and Firm rent prices , it is not uncommon today so that adult children live in the family home. In fact, for the first time since the great depression, the majority of young adults aged 18 to 29 now live with their parents, according to data from a recent Pew Research Center Survey .
If your own child lives in your home, you may notice that the financial and emotional advantages of multigenerational life abound. However, you would not be the only one to notice a complicated family dynamic, because your new life agreements come up against old habits and expectations.
Experts say that the key to mitigating part of this friction is to practice open communication and define a handful of rules that can help establish clear limits. Read more to discover the six rules you need to establish if your adult child lives at home.
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1 They must contribute to household expenses.
Assuming that they should not contribute financially to your family's expenses as a child, it is important to discuss how your financial expectations may have changed now that your children have grown up and possibly employed.
Bayu Prihandito , a certified life coach and founder of Life Archite , says that even if your child's main reason to live at home is to save money on rent, he should always find ways to contribute to household expenses and facilitate the overall financial burden of his parents . This can mean establishing a monthly contribution defined for grocery store, public services, transport or other expenses.
You can also discuss how this expectation could change if your child gets a different job with higher or lower income.
"It is logical to discuss the expectations of financial contribution, and especially what is happening if they are unemployed," explains William Schroeder , LPC, an authorized advisor and the owner of Just advice from mind .
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2 Tasks are part of the agreement.
That the financial resources of your adult child are limited, there are other ways of precious ways to contribute to the household. Having clear expectations surrounding tasks and cleanliness can help avoid frustration later and will help reduce the burden of household work.
In the minimum minimum, your child should clean after himself. However, experts say that, ideally, they should be willing to extend their contribution to the benefit of the group as a whole by picking up after the others, preparing family meals, taking out the garbage and performing other tasks if necessary .
"Sharing a space means sharing the responsibility to keep it tidy," explains Prihandito. "He promotes mutual respect and guarantees that everyone feels at home, not just as a guest."
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3 They must join your visitor policy.
The social dynamics of an adult is very different from that of a teenager, which is why it is important to discuss openly from all the borders you may have about visitors. The objective here is to recognize adulthood and the autonomy of your child, while fixing expectations that allow you to feel comfortable in your own house. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
For example, you can agree with a friend or two coming, but prefer that your child does not launch greater gatherings at home. Or, you don't mind that your child hosts a large gathering, but prefer that there is no alcohol involved. You may understand that your adult child has an active meeting life, but that you feel uncomfortable with bringing them back dates. All these limits are valid and you should feel comfortable defining rules that allow you to use your own space freely.
"It is essential to maintain the privacy and comfort of all household members," said Prihandito.
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4 They must set personal development objectives.
In addition to the rules you have for your adult child, it may also be useful to ask him to set expectations. By identifying their own personal development objectives to achieve during their stay in the family home, you can make sure that you do not allow their stagnation.
"Encourage the setting of short -term objectives, be it hunting for work, savings for a place or the pursuit of higher education. This guarantees that the return home is a springboard, not a place of retirement . Everything is about growth, not regression, "explains Prihandito.
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5 They can stay as long as you say.
In some cases, adult children may be invited to stay in the family home as long as they need or want. However, if this is not the case, it is preferable to define your expectations for the length of the stay, says Najamah Davis , Msw, lcsw, a Approved clinical social worker .
"If a parent or parents have a duration of stay in mind, discuss it with your adult child," she said Better life . "The establishment of an agreed stay will encourage independence, will manage expectations and promote progress."
6 Family meetings are compulsory.
One of the best ways to ensure a happy life arrangement is to promote open communication through family meetings. These conversations should be approached with a feeling of mutual respect, team spirit and a desire to actively listen.
"Establish a rule that encourages regular communication and open to concerns, schedules and shared responsibilities" suggests Benson G. Munyan , PHD, ABPP, an approved clinical psychologist with Behavioral health neurocove . "This helps to solve all problems or conflicts from the start, promoting understanding and solving problems."