Good Lifestyle

Relations are Built on confidence : You want to feel sure you can count on your partner, and vice versa. But unfortunately, things are not always as they seem, and your partner may not share their full self with you. In the most extreme scenarios, they could even live a secret life, and there are signs of warning to monitor.

Clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly , PHD, defines a secret life as "an alternative world which is deliberately hidden from a partner". She notes that this understands dishonesty and lack of transparency, which can be "very toxic" for your relationship.

A secret life can include a case or simply participate in activities outside the relationship whose other partner is not aware, Joni Ogle , LCSW, CSAT, CEO of Height treatment , recount Better life .

"In some cases, it could be something relatively harmless, such as shopping salons that are kept secret," she explains. "However, in other cases, this may involve much greater problems such as drug addiction, game or criminal activities. This secret type of life can present a huge challenge to any relationship, not only because Potential damage it could cause, but also in terms of confidence and communication between partners. "

Although there are master manipulators who are extremely qualified to keep their private secrets, Manly notes that your partner will probably send "emotional and behavioral red flags". In this spirit, you will want to keep an eye on certain behaviors that could indicate that your partner is leaving a double life. Read the rest for the five most revealing signs.

Read this then: 6 red flags that come out the cheating, the therapists warn .

The saying suggests that you should "follow the money", and this is also true in your relationship. If your partner hides a second life, there could be a change in the way he manages his money.

"If your partner begins to spend more than it does normally without explanation or suddenly not obtained the income, this may indicate that something else happens," says Ogle.

Kalley Hartman , Lmft, clinical director In Ocean Recovery in Newport Beach, California, also said money as a sign of problem.

"Have you noticed that the money disappearing joint accounts without explanation? Are there any new credit cards or loans in the name of your partner you don't know? This could mean that they use money to finance a secret life, "she said.

However, Ogle notes that this does not always mean that something summary happens. "It is important to be careful and ask questions if you notice that these behaviors change," she adds. "Tell them openly and honestly about what's going on, but try not to draw conclusions too quickly." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

If your partner becomes more kept or defensive lately, it could point out that they juggle a second life - and he does not want you to catch up.

"The existence of a secret life is more and more likely if a partner is very defensive or does not want to discuss any noted change", explains Manly, who is also the author of Smart date: Transform your relationships and love fearless . "In fact, it is not uncommon for the misleading partner Get in gas lighting as a defensive tactic; By questioning the partner their reality, the problematic question - the concern of a secret life - is avoided. ""

Sameera Sullivan ,, Matchmaker and in relation , also highlights defensive and gas lighting as red flags.

"They will display defensive or even hostile behavior when you draw attention to their suspicious behavior or catch them in a lie," she said. "They could even enlighten you, forcing you to question your memory or mental health."

Read this then: 5 signs your relationship is directed to a "gray divorce", say the therapists .

If your partner actually lives a secret life, he will need time to do so. If you notice periods when they lack - and they have no valid reason - keep your guard.

"Some may show changes in their routine or behavior, like going late at night without providing an explanation, and not responding when they are questioned about their fate," explains Ogle.

They can also make changes to their schedule, which could indicate that "something is going behind your back", adds Hartman.

Someone with a secret life could be more protective of their phone or computer.

"Does your partner always keep his phone hidden and do you make sure that you can never see the call journal? Are there any calls or SMS frequent in strange hours?" Asks Hartman. "It could indicate that he is talking to someone else or even to have a liaison."

They can get angry if you ask yourself questions, but Hartman notes that having an honest conversation is your best bet. "If they live a double life, confront them can be difficult, but it can help put things in the open air and allow you to work together to find a solution," she said.

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Some people living a secret life will become defensive when questioned, but others could see you with ambiguous answers instead.

"If your partner only responds in wort responses, he could point out that they are moving away from the relationship or try to hide information from you", " Beth Ribarsky , PHD, professor of Interpersonal communication At the University of Illinois Springfield, explains.

Sullivan says they could try to avoid the question completely. "A person who leads a double life frequently repels questions like" where were you? "And" what have you done? "She said." They can give you a misty answer, divert the subject or even make you feel bad if you find out. "

But if it looks like your partner, Ribarsky stresses that it is unlikely to draw conclusions. Like Hartman, Manly and Ogle, she recommends a simple conversation.

"If you notice a change in the behavior of your partner, it is a perfect opportunity to talk about what you notice and find the root of its cause," she said. “Outdoor stress factors, such as work problems, can easily affect our behavior and how we connect with others. Creating an opportunity to talk about what's going on or what you observe could well be what you have a tension partner, while perhaps giving yourself peace of mind. ""

You can also request the help of an authorized advisor or confide in a trusted friend, say the experts. But if your instincts are correct, there are steps you can take.

"If it turns out that your partner actually leads a secret life, find out how you want to continue the relationship," explains Ogle. "Talk about the type of changes to happen so that confidence is restored."