7 things that divorced people want to have done differently in their marriage
Looking at their relationships, these are the things that many people regret doing.
Divorce is one of the most difficult things you can go through. When you take your wishes, you see a brilliant future and a life spent together. But for 40 to 50% Couples in the United States, something changes along the way and marriage dissolves. Perhaps this is inevitable for those who have married bad reasons or who can no longer see themselves Oey to Eye, but what happens if there was something that some of these couples could have Do to save their relationship?
It can be much easier to see with hindsight, but many people regret the mistakes they have made in their marriage. Read more to discover what seven divorced people want them to have done differently.
Read this then: Most couples cease to be "in love" after this long, say the experts .
1 Has learned to communicate more effectively.
"Effective communication is the foundation and the key to have a relationship without dispute", " Mark Joseph, Founder of the Relational Blog Parentalqueries.com , recount Better life . "This allows the couple to express their thoughts and feelings clearly and significantly ... and helps to promote understanding, kindness and respect, which are essential for a long -term relationship. If the two individuals do not Do not share their thoughts and feelings, this can lead to a break in trust and understanding [which] can make conflict resolution difficult. "
You may think that, of course, you and your partner know how to communicate. But really listening to what another person needs and also transmitting your own needs in a clear and healthy way is much more difficult than you think - and not being able to do it can lead to The end of a relationship .
This is what happened to Tiktoker @ keepinfitwithkatie2.0, who thinks that her marriage ended because of the lack of communication. In a post on Tiktok, she said that she wanted her and her ex went to more couple counseling To learn better communication tools before calling it.
"We were not good communicators and we were not good when we were fighting either," she said. "We only went twice to the marital council that I found frustrating because I did not have a good blow to repair what I had to repair because there were certainly things that I did badly . "
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Marissa Baker also expressed her regret not to be in therapy earlier on Tiktok - she wanted her to presented herself more for her partner. She stresses that she would have done "everything in her wedding" in a Tiktok video. His legend said: " I would have shown . I will be there. I would go in therapy earlier. I would introduce myself to my partner and I would give a gratitude for everything they have done. ""
To feel wanted and loved is something that everyone needs in a relationship, but unfortunately, some partners may not always give their significant other attention and care they deserve.
"When your spouse has the impression of being online for your attention, resentment is formed and kills any chance of intimacy," said Monica Tanner , an expert in relation and CEO of Secrets of Happily Ever after .
3 Did not try to be right all the time.
In a tiktok labeled video: "How I messed up my marriage" Jennifer Hurvitz said one of the things she wanted to have done differently was Try to be right all the time .
"Try to understand your partner's point of view," she said. "Instead of trying to be right all the time, listen and you understand. If you are already wondering, you lose. If you already worry about winning, you have lost."
This type of behavior can drive A huge corner between partners . "When you try to be the person who is right all the time, you do not allow there to be another point of view or perspective," Fiona Eckersley , a relationship coach at Fionaecorsleycoaching recount Better life . "Rejecting your partner's opinions or ideas makes them unworthy.
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4 Recover on a constant criticism.
Blee your spouse for your own misfortune or your problems is a quick way for resentment and negativity to accumulate in a relationship. The last thing you want to do is project your own problems or insecurity on your partner.
In his video Tiktok, Hurvitz also says that Blame was one of the other things that led to the disappearance of her marriage. "I wish that I would have focused on what I did with it, not my partner at the time. No matter who is the fault. Is it important who left the towel on the ground? No, don't let Not the towel to ruin your whole wedding. "
5 Including the impact of love languages.
In a tiktok video, Lucy Cerezo explains why she and her ex divorced and stresses that Know your partners loves language could have helped.
"My love language is acts of service and I did not know it, but by thinking about it, her language language was offered gifts," she said. "There was a huge disconnection there because I expected it to do things for me and when he didn't do it, I thought he didn't love me."
The effective communication of your needs is something that you should feel comfortable doing with your partner, and knowing the love language of the other can be a tool to help each other and also take care in the relationship.
6 Appreciated the hard work of the other partner.
It is important to enhance the role and work of your partner which he puts in the relationship, whether it is to take the children of the school or to go to the office every day. In a tiktok video from @honestappraisal, he says that He developed a lack of respect For the role that his wife played. He used to tell his wife that he was "much easier than going to work". With hindsight, he says that he did not appreciate his wife and his contribution to the family and is embarrassed by his absence.
"The appreciation helps our partner to feel that we recognize the ways they work and contribute to our common life," explains Sara Oliveri Olumba , an expert in relation and coach. "Without appreciation not only our partner will have the impression that we did not notice their contributions, indeed, it is likely that we do not notice it! It is easy to overestimate our own work and to underestimate others."
Read this then: 5 signs of body language which means that your partner wants to break, according to the therapists .
7 Made the commitment more seriously.
In another tiktok video from @Honestapraisal, he says that his marriage lasted 28 years, the start of the marriage was When he started to break down . AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
"At the beginning, I did not understand the nature of the commitment in marriage. I was not only young at 26, but I was naive. I did not know what was marriage or engagement. I speak of 'Long -term commitment to a romantic partner. "
When you commit to someone, it is important to be at a stage in your life where you are able to know the true value of marriage, as well as the gravity of the wishes you take.