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Feelings and emotions at start of a relationship Maybe a mixture of fascinating and stress. You learn more about each other, and there is often a separate feeling that you cannot have enough. But there is a point where people can take the first crushing stages a little too far, giving their partner an excessive attention and affection. When this is done as a manipulation tactic, it is known as "love bombing". We have consulted experts to explain exactly what the love bombing is, the warning signs to be sought and what you can do if you are bombed out of love.

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What is bombing love?

It's great to feel loved and appreciated by your partner, especially if your relationship is new, but I love the bombing is different. As its name suggests, the bombing of love occurs when someone you "bomb" you "bomb" with anything from the affection for gifts.

It is often used as a form of manipulation to force a partner to stay in a relationship or ignore bad behavior, according to Beth Ribarsky , PHD, professor and director of the Communication School of the University of Illinois Springfield.

"Love Bombing is the excessive use of attention, affection or gifts to connect with another person and acquire his interest", " clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly , PHD, author of Date Clever , tell Better life . "Love Bombing opens the way to a relationship based on overabundance; it is a difficult act to continue in the long term, and disillusionment and disappointment often result."

It is however important to distinguish the bombing from the love of enthusiasm or excitement.

"What distinguishes this behavior of passionate love or an anxious attachment is that it is done with manipulative intentions, such as making the target forced to stay with the bomber or neglect their bad behavior", shares Ribarsky. "Love The bombing is effective because when someone informs us with affection and interest, it can send a burst of positive neurotransmitters. We like to feel valued and simply special."

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How long does the bombing last?

According to Ribarsky, love bombings can occur at any time of a relationship, but it generally develops very early.

"Although love bombings can occur at any time of a relationship, it tends to occur most often at the beginning of a relationship - often as a means of making the target feels forced by The pursuer that normal, "she explains.

There is no real mess for how long it can last, but you may notice a separate change when the bombing of love is coming to an end.

"While the bombing of love falls, a relationship built on suburban displays often deteriorates; if a real love connection was never formed, the target of the love bombing often feels disappointed and not interested," says Manly .

Love vs Future Faking bombings: what is the difference?

While the bombing of love implies an overwhelming quantity of attention and probable material gifts, the future leaflets are a bit different.

According to Psychology today ,, Future Faking It is when a partner gives you a detailed description of the future of your relationship - without really seeing a future with you. Tactics are generally used by people with narcissistic personality disorders (NPD) to take control and confidence in a relationship. After obtaining this, a narcissist will change their air, becoming closed and distant.

This dramatic change can confuse a partner, especially when he remembers the "false" future that has been presented to him.

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8 signs of being bombed with love

1. They offer you exaggerated gifts.

If your Love language Receive gifts, it is likely that you will be delighted when your S.O. picks something special "just because." But you will recognize a love bomber if these gifts are excessive or magnificently than you generally think.

"Gifts are one of the fundamental love languages. However, a love bomber will have his partner in exaggerated gifts, such as expensive trips, jewelry or clothes," notes Ribarsky. "And, although it may initially feel good, a love bomber does it as a way to make their partner feel them."

2. Large gestures turn into major requests.

Regarding bombing, the strings are always attached, because the objective is to control you rather than transmit real feelings of love.

"A major key to identifying love bombings is that the big gestures generally turn into major requests," explains Bethany Nicole , A expert expert and author. "The partner is starting to make big requests from the other person - things like moving together, sharing bank accounts, reducing the time spent with others outside the relationship or checking regularly."

3. They start "Soulmate Talk".

Another red flag of a love bomber is to speak of being "soul mate". According to Ribarsky, when someone starts talking about destiny or even saying "I love you" at the start of a relationship, it should send red flags.

"It is often the attempt of a love bomber to degenerate a relationship faster, putting pressure on the other to engage," she explains.

Ribarsky also points out that the idea of souls is not always a positive thing.

"Of course, it's incredibly satisfactory to find someone who completes you," she said. "[But] the idea that there is only one person on the whole planet for you is frankly overwhelming and a little discouraging."

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4. It is intrusive and crushing.

Although big gestures are often punctual things, such as a birthday present or a birthday present, I love bombing is more a constant dam.

"If your partner bombes you, he or she could also be very boring and who always tries to control you by other means, as constantly checking on you, monitoring your social networks and becoming jealous easily, even without any reason," explains Laura Wasser , an expert in relation and head of the evolution of divorce to Divorce.com .

5. They require attention.

If you find that your new partner communicates all your time, moving away from other responsibilities or your loved ones, it is another indicator of love bombing.

"A love bomber will want to know everything about you and often share excessive information about themselves as an attempt to get more information from you," warns Ribarsky.

She continues: "Although it is flattering that someone wants to spend their time with you, a love bomber often expresses jealousy if you spend your time with others or indicate a disappointment if you do not answer as quickly as 'They would like it. "

6. Your limits are not respected.

You also do not seem to set limits with a love bomber.

"They don't listen when you say" no ", says Madeline Lucas , LCSW, therapist and clinical content manager at Zeera . "Instead of respecting your" no ", they will try to convince you to do what they want you to do.

Wasser adds: "If your partner is not willing to respect your limits, it may be time to reduce links. It is important to prioritize your own well-being a professional if you need it."

7. He feels dishonest.

If your intestine tells you that something is wrong, don't know it. In many cases, you will get an idea that you are dealing with a love bomber, even if it can be a pill that is difficult to swallow.

"I had a client whose boyfriend doubled him with gestures of gifts, flowers and love letters but ... gestures seemed bigger than thought", shares Nicole. "For example, gifts from two dozen roses when she did not even like roses and likes letters that shared a lot of emotion but not many individualized details. A specific partner."

8. It's too much, too early.

If you feel that your partner displays these exaggerated gestures before he even knows his second first name - or, more importantly, which they really are - it can be another sign of love bombing.

"They rush to define the relationship or accelerate commitment," explains Lucas. "They might want to present their family and friends to you immediately, or they very quickly start talking about" locking "or formalizing the relationship, instead of allowing it to follow its natural course ... Love bombard is, in turn, more A projection of a connection or a link which is not yet there and which may never be. ""

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Does love bomb a form of abuse?

According to experts, certain forms of love bombing can be abusive, in particular "the bombing of narcissistic love". But Ribarsky notes that bombings generally like can be a form of emotional violence, because "it focuses on the control of their partner". AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

Are love bombers still narcissists?

Although love bombers are often narcissistic, this is not always the case. Manly quotes the bombing of narcissistic love as "intentionally manipulative" and emotional violence.

"Rather than coming from a real place of inner passion and interest, the bombing of manipulative love has a negative objective," she explains. "The purpose of the bombing of manipulative love is to gain interest and attention - and even confidence - of another person in order to" capture "the individual for personal purposes. This type of bombardment of love is often the first step in a cycle of abuse where "love" is given in a conditional and intermittent manner, then replaced by increasingly toxic behaviors.

However, that does not mean that all Love bombers are narcissists. Everyone can love the bomb in a relationship, but a narcissist will want to take control very early. According to Manly, they can also be more likely to love the bomb if they saw this behavior modeled as "healthy" while growing.

Healthy relationships in relation to love

We all like to feel special, especially in a relationship, but the experts highlight the need to differentiate between a healthy affection and unilateral emotional violence.

According to Manly, Love Bombing will be "on another level", with the love bomber displaying "false and swollen" efforts which are likely to disappear when they get tired of the relationship.

"Although the person thinks that the bombing of love is real and a sign of devotion and love, the love bomber engages in" magnets "behaviors for personal gratuity and self-inflation. This type of behavior is a red flag because of the manipulator.

She continues: "In healthy relationships, manifestations of affection and attention aim to establish a real connection according to harmonization and consideration for the well-being of the other person."

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5 strategies to manage love bombings

1. Do your best to maintain your limits.

While a love bomber can push the limits of your whole, Ribarsky underlines the need to define them. When you are firm with them, the limits make it difficult for a love bomber to overcome or find ways to handle yourself.

"If you are not comfortable spending all your time with them, express your desires," she recommends. "For example, you could say:" I really try to take my time in this relationship, and I am very busy at the moment. So, at the moment, I'm only comfortable to see myself a few times a week. '"

2. Communicate discomfort.

Letting your partner know what you feel is the key in any relationship, but especially in the case of the love of bombing.

"Being clear with the way you feel (that is to say precipitated, under pressure, surfed) can be a great step to ensure that the interest is authentic," explains Ribarsky. "However, an expert manipulator will often experience the lighting of gases, which felt you crazy to feel this. So you have to be very confident with what you feel and why."

3. Get some perspective.

If you think you go out with a love bomber, take a step back and try to take an objective perspective, recommends Manly. You could achieve it by making up red flags or speaking with friends or a therapist.

4. Talk to it.

If you are able, it may also be useful to discuss your feelings or your concerns about the bombing of love with the person with whom you go out.

"When you feel like you have had the chance to objectively assess the situation, talk to the bombing of the love of your concerns," advises Manly. "A bomber of narcissistic love can" explode "or" self -destruction "when confronted with respectful honesty, you will therefore learn a lot from the nature of the person's responses."

5. Trust your intestine.

As tempting as it may be, especially if you are enthusiastic about the prospects of a new relationship, do not ignore your intuition.

"It is easier to say than to trust our guts. But, if something feels turned off, it is probably because there is an underlying reason. It is not only You who think about you! " Ribarsky warns.

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Does love always bomb a red flag?

Once you are able to identify the bombing of love, you may be able to discern when a partner has real bad intentions.

"When the love of bombing is manipulative in nature, it is definitely a red flag. In some cases, love bombings are based on a true and intense interest for another person," notes Manly. "Some people are naturally very enthusiastic and give when love struck; likes the bombings that come from this authentic space of emotional and physical generosity lack manipulative quality."

However, even if he is well intentioned, the bombing of love can be unhealthy - especially if the person who is bombarded out of love feels outdated or dangerous.

Can love of bombing occur in friendships?

The bombing of love is not exclusive to romantic relationships either. According to Manly and Ribarsky, it can also happen in friendships, but it may not be alike.

With a friend, you probably do not discuss love or you are not soul mate, but you could always get gifts or gestures that seem a little too extravagant.

"It is not uncommon for a friend Love -Bomber to do it because of the fear of losing friendship - he will therefore try to manipulate the other to feel obliged to stay in friendship," says Ribarsky.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, you want to be wary of love bombing, keeping an eye on your dating life and with new people you meet.

"A form of love bombing can occur in almost all relationships," explains Manly. "When a person deliberately uses manifestations of affection and attention to manipulate the feelings and behaviors of another person, the love of bombing is at work."

In addition, do not hesitate to ask for help if your situation with a love bomber seems to degenerate.

"If you feel stuck in the claws of a love bomber, contact a mentor, a confidence friend or a psychotherapist for support", Exhort Manly.

This story has been updated to include additional inputs, verification of facts and copying edition.