5 red flags that spell the divorce, say the therapists

A small pronoun can make a big difference.


A flaw in your wedding can look like the end of the world. One minute, you are two lovebirds enjoying a comfortable night on the sofa; The next one you have the impression that your partner becomes distant and is not interested in doing things correctly. Fortunately, every uncomfortable moment does not mean that youDirected for a split. But there are some serious problems that could be concern. Here, the therapists break down the red flags which could spell divorce or separation. Now you can locate the real warning panels for those who don't worry you as much.

Read this then:Most couples cease to be "in love" after this long, say the experts.

1
You go from "we" to "me".

mixed race gay couple on the couch having a fight
Shutterstock / Lopolo

The way you talk to friends, family and even you can say a lot about your marriage. "For example, people who are happy in a relationship will use" united "terms like us, we," saidNancy Fagan, Lmft andwedding mediator in Plano, Texas. "While a person begins to emotionally separate from the relationship, pronouns change to those of an individual - my, mine, me."AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

If you see this change, it could be one of the first signs that you move away from yourWedding as a partnership. However, you don't need to panic yet. "Instead, be aware," says Fagan. "It's time to start reconnecting with your partner emotionally, physically and spiritually."

2
A partner is moving away.

older man sitting forward on the couch while older black woman looks at home
istock

This can be disturbing when your partner seems angry or unhappy. But according to the therapists, one of the real red flags is when they are indifferent. "An easy -to -miss sign that a marriage can go to divorce is this phenomenon called decoupling," saysJeanae M. Hopgood, Lmft,Founder of JHJ Therapy. "Often, a member of the couple begins to move away, showing less emotional empathy or intimacy, the lack of interest in spending time together or the lack of investment in the quality of the past."

This behavior can sometimes inspire conflicts. "However, a person generally considers conflict as areas that must be worked, while the initiator of the decoupling has in fact released the relationship," explains Hopgood. "The desire to repair the decoupling initiator is low to nonexistent." When the two parties are not interested in repairing marriage together, the partnership begins to collapse.

Read this then:69 percent of divorced women have this in common, the study said.

3
A partner is Stonewalling.

couple break up
Motorcycle / Shutterstock movies

According to a renowned psychologist and an expert in relationJohn Gottman, the four riders who can predict the end of a relationship are criticism, contempt, defensive and stone wall. However,Ashley Damaj, BCBA, MSW, CN, CPT andMothership founder Wellness, said that Stonewalling is one of the easiest to neglect. "Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdrew from the interaction, stops and simply stops responding to his partner," saidThe Gottman Institute. "Rather than dealing with problems with their partner, people who are from Stonewall can make evasive maneuvers such as elimination, turn away, act occupied or engage in obsessive or distracting behavior."

Damaj notes that people are the size ofavoid conflict And passive-manifesting the disappointment and will be distant from their partner. "In simple terms, when a person is made of stone, she has lost hope, she is trying to say something without having to say it," she said. "They don't feel that they can be heard or listened to and they have lost the energy to try."

4
You live like roommates.

distant couple
Whisper

Do you already feel like you never see your spouse, even if they live with you? It could be a red flag. "When one or both partners are unhappy with their relationship, they start to spend less time together," said Fagan. "They can create a relationship where two people live in the same house, but their daily activities do not overlap." Unfortunately, the less the couple has interaction, the more it begins to separate.

To break this sequence, suggest that you and your partner do something together. "No matter what it is, the goal is to merge your time," says Fagan. "This creates an emotional link, which is essential to have a fulfilling relationship."

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5
Your positive for negative interaction ratio is low.

older couple arguing
Goran13 / Istock

Think of your relationship during its honeymoon phase: you and your partner you have probably praised hello, kissed before bed, and you have recognized the concerns of each in a patient way. In other words, you have had more positive interactions than negative interactions. If you see this change, it could be source of concern .

"As a rule, happy couples have around 20 positive interactions for each negative interaction," explains Tatyana dyachenko , psychologist and sex therapist at Fisheries and cries . "The couples who fight to bond have a report from five to one, and couples who are on the verge of divorce have an equal number of positive and negative interactions." If you fall into one of these last camps, it is time to find professional help as soon as possible.


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