Good Lifestyle

ThisFirst post-divorce romance can completely change your perspective on relationships. This can help you rediscover your confidence in long-term love and your ability to maintain a healthy partnership. And this quest to restore his faith in romance makes many divorced people eager to attach once again the node. According to the 2014 research of thePEW Research Center, 58% of divorced men and women will get married again. However, simply because a new relationship looks like a perfect match does not necessarily mean that you should rush on the driveway. With the help of couple counselors, divorce mediators and family therapists, we gathered the sneakers that you must keepwander.

Divorce can be a devastating shot, the one that canLet your self-esteem enough Whether you are ready to accept a new partner who does not meet your standards. And if you notice that this is the case for you, then you must absolutely holdwander.

"Only after a person has restored a healthy self concept should consider remarry," says counselor and marriage therapistRandy Schroeder, PhD, author ofSimple habits for matrimonial happiness.

The decline is 20/20, so after your divorce, you could find yourself see your ex through pink glasses - or even imagine what it could be likegive things another shot. But if you feel this way, it's a sign that remarriage is not yet in the cards.

"It's important not to just pass a break," says Schroeder. "What is essential is to be reconciled to the fact that this relationship ended and the book is closed and can no longer be open."

Although it is clear to you that your ex is responsible for the disappearance of your wedding, if you blame them alone forThe collapse of the relationship And refuse to take any responsibility, you may need time to think before tabling the node with a new partner.

"We often want to blame the other person, but if we do not see how we contributed to the problem, we will not support our experience, and will probably bring these problematic interpersonal skills in the next relationship," saysErik Wheeler, a divorce and post-divorce mediator atMediation granted.

If you are always looking for the closing of your last relationship, you are probably not ready to get married. "You must take timeAfter divorce to treat feelings You may have anger, guilt or regret, "explains Wheeler." To do this, and learn from it, you will have to take the time to think and learn everything you can fail for the relationship. "

He suggests that peoplepursue therapy To help them face the feelings that their divorce may have high and prevent them from repeating destructive schemes.

While the end of your wedding may have been litable, if you are always full of hot rage in the direction of your ex, you may want to remember before saying "I do" again.

"You will wear these feelings forward and can even transfer some of them [to your new partner] if you recognize similar features in them," says Atlanta divorce lawyerRandall Mr Kessler, Esq., Author ofDivorce: Protect yourself, your children and your future.

The details of your Nitty-Gritty divorce will be enjoyed by your new wedding if you do not solve them first. "It is best to focus on these details until they are wrapped," says Wheeler. Those who do not wait tend to bring the luggage and stress of these decisions into their new marriage, he explains.

If you want to go back, you have to wait for your life to be less closely linked to your ex. Whether you're still trying to sell your home, you're competing on the custody or you always share a Netflix password, you will better cut the cord completely before you find yourself in the driveway.

When your ex remains a part of your life, they "have a lot of power over your new marriage," explainsElinor Robin, PhD, a certified mediator and mediation coach of the Court of the Court in Florida and Founder ofA friendly divorce. "Until you can get away from the former drama and focus totally on the new relationship, it's too early to remarry."

Does the thought of home to an empty house seems unbearable? If this is the case, you may want to rethink the precipitation to the altar. "You are not ready to remarry after a divorce if you can not live alone," says Robin, who notes that an inability to live alone can harm your judgment in your new relationship.

If you always bring your ex every chance, you arrive at your friends, your family, your colleagues and (worse still) your new partner, it's a sign that you have to work through these feelings before you remarrer. As Deep Wheeler, talk about your ex ad nauseam suggests that "you are always emotionally emotionally emotionally and that you are not ready to be with someone else."

While taking all opportunities to talk about your ex certainly do not bode well for a new relationship, it is important that you discuss what happened in your old wedding so that you can learn from these errors as a couple .

"About six to nine months in the relationship, exploring the bad and ugly relations of your old relationship, it is important to help you avoid repeating errors or negative schemes in this new relationship," says the registered marriage and the family therapist.Jennie Marie BATTISTINE, founder ofHOPE THERAPY CENTER Inc. She points out that, including the game you played at the end of your last marriage, is essential for your next next.

If your new partner shares a striking number of similarities with your ex, you can be a good idea to think about why this is before you get back. "People seem to be attracted by the same types, again and again," says Kessler. It's a "huge red flag", he notes. "Think long and hard on how you've been attracted to your previous spouse and how it turned out."

It is essential that your children are not only aware of your projects to get back, but they have a relationship with theirfuture future And brothers and sisters before walking in the driveway. "Just as you hope you have worked to create a strong relationship for this new wedding, you have to build a strong relationship with children," says Battistine.

Similarly, if you and your new partner will live with your children, it is important that you are on the same page on how it is involved in the breeding of children. It means chatting on everything on the smallest details, as how you will spend the holidays. "Do not discuss how you are going to mix these traditions can start provoking a huge division ripple that can slowly deteriorate the relationship," says Battistine.

You may want you tofound "the one", "But if you have not been together for at least a year, you should wait to go back. "People can change through different seasons of the year," says Battistine. "This may be due to different work constraints, family obligations, or possibly negative experiences or trauma to some seasons of the year." It recommends that people expect to see these changes in their partner before making a commitment to life.

While the honeymoon phase can feel like the perfect time to tie the knot, you could go to this new relationship with the blinders. "During this magical time, your partner seems perfect," says Robin. She notes that falling in love leads to aIncreased oxytocin and cortisol production This can harm your judgment of the person with whom you are. "These hormones temporarily alter the brain chemistry, which makes it difficult to see with precision the negative qualities of the beloved."

Although it may seem against intuitive, if you did not do ithad a fight with your new partnerYou are probably not ready to marry them. Healthy fightNo call to call, scream or personal attack-Find "the opportunity to discuss how you have felt a particular situation or issue, your reality of the situation, the triggers may have been involved in the heat of the moment, and what you can do next time to avoid said Fight, "says Battistin.

"It's not a good idea to remarry because you think it will relax the feelings of isolation and otherness," says divorce mediator and coach divorceDori Shwirtz. "Marry just for this reason will probably get more isolation. »

While some people seeprenuptial consultation As a sign of a relationship is in difficulty, it is in fact a great way to work all the problems before they cause the disappearance of your relationship. "Investing in the Council before marriage is like an insurance policy for success," says Battistin. It notes that the Council before marriage reduces the divorce rate in couples up to 60 percent.

If you and your future spouse have not beenOpen one another about your finances-And how you count the fees split to move forward you got a little work to do before remarry.

"If you are not open the books and been honest about debt, savings and expense habits, which is a red flag," says divorce lawyerDebra Schoenberg ofSchoenberg Family Law Group. It recommends obtaining on the same page on all major financial decisions before walking in the driveway.

Divorce can leave you in a precarious financial situation that you are desperate to go out, but you want to strengthen your solo savings before jumping into a new marriage. "To get married and have financial stability can be a wonderful thing, but if it's the first and perhapsalone Reason to remarry, it's a bad idea, "Note Shwirtz.

Divorce is expensive, so you are better to wait until remarry that you have got a handle on these costs. "Unless your new marriage will not significantly reduce your ability to solve these problems, why not solve them first and start your next marriage with a clean slate? "Suggests Kessler.

If your support payments are maintained afloat, remarry can quickly end that. "These payments will disappear if you remarry," says Los Angeles specialist in certified family lawSteven Fernandez, The main owner and associate managerFernandez & Karney. "It's important to consider your financial situation and the need and if your new spouse can take care of the node. »

While speaking of a marriage contract is not exactly romantic, if you and your new partner are not willing to discuss even one, you may want to take a step back. "If this conversation is too difficult for you to have now, while you are in the window of happiness forever, how will you keep tough conversations or work with difficult problems later, when the stress of life grow One or both of you on the edge? Robin asks.