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To be a great parents is a different experience ofraise a child From birth, but that does not mean that the arduous task does not come with its own set of trials and tribulations. At the beginning of the relationship, you have probably encountered tons of trepidation and sometimes even hatred by the children of your spouse. And when the children finally arrived, you are obliged to cope with their other biological parent, which is probably not your biggest fan. In many situations, you are treated as a secondary citizen, despite the fact that you play as many a role in the life of the final-children as real parents.

Yes, being a beautiful parent can sometimes be a remote job, but it can also be much rewarding. That you are about to become a father-in-law orYour own parent Is remarried, keep reading to discover the surprising things that no one tells you to be a mother or a mother-in-law.

The borders of a parent and borders of a parent are two entirely different things. And according to the parental trainerTracy Poizner, host of theEssential Stepmom Podcast, learning what your borders are like a stepie takes time and patience because each family is different.

"It's almost impossible to know that you have seen until you have done it and the line is constantly moving. You can go beyond a borderwith children, with the bio-mom, and with your spouse who is their father, "she explains." That's about a field of mines! "

The Fine-Parents - especially those who have biological children of their own - have a natural tendency to want to put their two hundred when it comes toParental decisions. However, Poizner says that the female-parents "need to fundamentally unplug [their] inner parent GPS. The problem of being a great parents is that there are two biological parents who have all the rights to elevate these children as They see it fit and it is often disagreement with what the parents would do. "

Just because you see as a parent of good faith does not mean that everyone in your life will be. On the contrary, a Florida-licensed clinical social workerJoaquin Martinez, LCSW, notes that the parents' parents often receive "the extra responsibility of being another parent without much of the recognition of a parent." At the end of the day, just remember that as long as your spouse recognizes your hard work and your dedication to their children, so that does not matter that anyone thinking or said.

Come on condition with the fact that your friends do not see you as a real parent is one thing. Accepting your grandchildren do not think of you as part of their families, it's another beast - another that far too many parents are forced to face.

In aQuora thread on the most difficult parts of being a father-in-law, a father-in-law namedAshley EckhoffNote that his biggest problem is "always being a second-class citizen in the family. It's not intentional," he says, "but you are often ... let's escape the story of the family or [have] your minimized role. "

Few people get married into a family and expect their children of their new spouse to welcome with open arms. "When the mothers arrive in the photo, they often feel like a stranger and they must hear that children always appear their mother," saysDr. Sherrie Campbell, a clinical psychologist based on California and the author ofBut it's your family: Cut links with toxic family members. "You want to love [children] but you do not have the same unconditional love for them because they are not your children."

"Step-suspicion, overall, is much easier," says Dr. Campbell. "Children tend to be well with them being in the background. They are not compared a lot to their father. The final-children see them as fun or as a real non-question. They also tend to follow Its rules automatically to the fear of making it furious. "

Another realities rarely discussed to be a mother-in-law is "the forced relationship between the parents and the child," said Martinez. "Morerelationships Organic form and some-in-laws are trying to catch up with the relationship almost as a way to catch up with the other two parents. "

Relationships take time to develop and the Step-Parents / Step-Child relationship is no exception. The problem? According toElisa Robyn,Doctoral students, mothers and domestic dads often have ""Bouquet of Brady"Expectations" when it comes to joining the family of their spouse, and these unrealistic expectations only end upget worse When the problems inevitably arise.

"Most families take time to melt and deal with major problems along the way. We might think that this kindness will solve all the problems, but this is not always true," says Robyn.

According to Robyn, "the age of children" is a major factor in the Step-Child / Step-Parents relationship. "Teens are usually the toughest and children at any age can accept or reject," she says.

Think about what led to your involvement in the life of your child. Your current spouse has donedivorce? Are their last partner - and the other biological parent at your getaway far? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, Robyn warns that "the circumstances [who led to your marriage] will also influence the reaction of children to you."

"Many children never exceed the desire to meet," says Robyn. And if that's the case with your kids not small, you might find that they "punish" you for thedivorced-Prepire the fact that you are not part of their lives until all documents are signed and finalized.

From the way you talk to your spouse about how you act around the house, all you do has an impact on your relationship with your long-term in-law. And according toCLARK and LEAH BURBIDGE, parents and authors ofLiving in the family mixer: 10 principles of a successful mixed family, one of the greatest influences on your long-term relationship is "[Your] interaction with the children of the beginning. Mixed family life requires a standard and a level of undeniably higher commitment," they explain in a position forTwinmom.com.

"There is very oftenAn even stronger link to the children you may not have high but that love very deeply, "saysAdina Mahalli, MSW, a certified mental health expert and a family therapist with maple hologearies. "Not widely shared is the intense instinct of protection that strikes almost instantly."

Your other other could have promised "until death, but at the end of the day, their relationship with their children will always attract their relationship with you. "The alliance between the parent and the child in a biological family is potentially stronger (naturally) than the couple," writes psychologistKaren Youngon his blogHey sigmund. If you want your relationship to your partner and your new step, you must learn to be correct with this fact and avoid setting up impenetrable mother / child binding.

Just because you see your step-children like yours does not necessarily mean that the rest of your family will unfortunately. Like Robyn Notes, "Our expanded families will react differently to our final-children. In some cases, they will be part of the family and, in other cases, they will always be perceived as the children of our spouse. "

Although beliefs often vary, parents must be unified in their decision when it comes to disciplining a child. Touch a stepmother in the mix, however, and you do not have two, but three different parents who have to agree on the best tactic of punishment to be effective. "You have to try meshing your discipline beliefs with one person, but possibly still two people," step-parentCara Allen Explain to Quora.

"When you become a stepmother, you are thrown into an environment where you are not included in this discussion [ofHow parent"Explain Allen." You may have (and should have) discussed your parenting responsibilities like a stepmother, but you have less standing up to make these [parenting] decisions. "

When you marry someone with children, you get married essentiallytheir ex, too - at least in a sense. "You may not want your so's ex, your SO can not even love their ex, but be a parent means throwing throwing it behind you and ignore these feelings (especially in front of the children!) And parenthood Together, "says Allen. "There are more problems if you fight [with] each other."

"Do not take it personally if your child is initially reluctant [to link]," saysDr. Gail SaltzAssociate Professor of Psychiatry at the Weill-Cornell School of Medicine in New York. At first, having a new parental step "is anxiety-induction" for a child, and you must keep that in mind because you allow your relationship to flourish.

One of the many good things about being a stepmother is that as long as you try your best, you already do good work. In the end, "there is not a good way to be a father-in-law," says Dr. Singz. His advice? "Try to remove the expectations and definitions of success and failure" to be the best version of yourself.

If you are about to become a step-bread and make yourself panic about the future, take comfort in the fact that extinct families become more and more common. In a 2011 survey of thePEW Research Center, 42% of adults noted that they had at least one relative relative and 13% reported having a grandchild. And do not worry about your involvement in the family life of your significant experience in ruined things: in the survey, about 70% of adults with extinguished parents said they were extremely satisfied with their family life. . And for ways to win your grandchildren, try them12 Fun family games Everyone will have a game.

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