Good Lifestyle

The list of reasonsWhy couples choose to break is an endless infidelity, dishonesty, an unshakable refusal to compromise, mediocre communication or simply "it was simply not supposed to be". But the main psychologists and relationship experts all agree that there is at least one common factor that probably exists in far too many ruptures:One or both of you have developed sustained feelings of contempt for your partner.So, if you find despirors raising his ugly head in your own relationship and you do not act, take it as a warning sign that you are condemned to a break.

"You know contempt. It's whenYou feel like you are better than your partner. It is a disgust energy that emanates from you during the fighting, "writes the clinical social worker andExpert in relations Darcy sterling, PhD, psychology today.

The Gottman Institute, a leading research authority on theMarriage Psychology, described contempt as "the most destructive negative behavior in relations" and "the most toxic killers of all relations". It is the most insidious of what they call "the four riders" ofApocalypse matrimonial (The other three being critical, defensive and wwalling).

Contempt is usually manifested when youTreat your partner with a sense of lack of respect which is powered by feelings of superiority. "Contempt, just put, says," I'm better than you. And you are less than me, "Write the experts at the Gottman Institute.

The research institution proposes these two examples of contempt emerging by a hypothetical partner:

"Look, I learned about saying when I was five years old. When will you ever learn?"

"We have not had sex for months. What are you too busy flirt with this guy at work? Why not marry him instead?"

AsSteven Stosny, PhD, writes today for psychology, contempt usually grows over time "at the end of aLong chain of resentments. "These are usually caused by" perceptions of injustice ". The feelings of contempt for your partner make you travel through the urgent possible lens:" They are immoral, auto, unstable or stupid, there is has something wrong. He writes.

The contempt for reason is the largest warning sign thatYour relationship will not survive is because it invariably leads you on a path of deeper and more dangerous conflict.

If anyone seems familiar, know that there are things you can do forTransform your relationship around. The first business order is simply recognizing what you do. If you are the one in the relationship that makes you feel contemptuous, "remember the positive qualities of your partner and find gratitude for positive actions," advise the experts from the Gottman Institute. Also try to avoid using the second person - "You" - delicate conversations, so your partner does not feel directly targeted with your feelings.

RELATED:For more information up to date, sign up for our daily newsletter.

In the end, the goal is to promote a sustained sense of assessment.

"The best test for measuring the strength of your African and your admiration system is to focus on how you visualize the story of your relationship", according to the Gottman Institute. "In our research, couples who have a positive vision of their past through oral history interviews are much more likely to be happy in their relationships. But if your relationship is in depth, it is unlikely to Encourage a lot of praise from each other, and you will probably have difficulty remembering the good times. "And for more ways to build a foreign link and more sustainable with your partner, make sure you know the50 Relationships really terrible advice.