Good Lifestyle

So, do you thinktie For a second time (or third or fourth, we do not judge). Go yourself! Seamrer is both exciting and difficult, and there is a lot to consider. But the only thing to keep in mind is the following: yournext marriage will be nothing like your previous one. Bureaucratic changes to emotions, we gathered the final list of everything you need to know before saying "I do". The following therapists, counselors and remarried people have tons of remarriage tips that can help you feel more prepared.

Because it's not your first rodeo, you will find yourself to analyze your last wedding - a lot. But it's not necessarily a bad thing.Amy Sherman, a licensed mental health advisor in Boca Raton, Florida, said you should ask yourself: "What isRed flags It came out of the marriage in the first place? By dedicating a serious thought to the question, you can catch them and discover what you do and you do not want in a new spouse.

Sherman tells his clients to ask an important question: "How would you desperate to be in a relationship again?" Many people who go realize that they come into a new marriage just because theydo not like the idea of ​​being alone and have co-dependent trends. Sherman says to ensure that you noticed someone to "improve your life, as opposed to filling you."

Humans are creatures of habit and it's easy to stay easily installed in a comfort zone - and the same thing for wedding. So, if you plan to bind the knot again, it is important to do some self-scan to see if your new spouse seems just alittle too familiar. According to Sherman, you may be marrowing a person similar to your ex, which was clearly not the best game.

If you have children from you, you can watchbecome a great parents Once you are remarried - and that means back more responsibility on your plate. "You want to know what children like, what they are interested, so you can align yourself with that and have a common thread with them," says Sherman. She suggests working with the former spouse or a parent to make sure you can be the best step-parent.

If you mix families in a second wedding, it can be very difficult. No matterHow amazing the person you get married is, they will never be able to replace other parents of your child. "You really miss the intimacy of sharing these feelings and conversations with the other natural parent," saidLindy Zerboni, a remarried woman from California. "At least I did it."

Yes, it's a terrifying perspective, but there is always the chance of your new spouse will call you by the name of their former spouse. (And hey, you could also slip, too!) Zerboni even lived: "It happened once when I was introduced to a VIP in the business of my husband ... because of his nerves! " Whether in a public or private framework, it is not ideal. But you must remember that your spouse probably does it absent.

Dr. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, the authors ofIn marriage, simple thingsNote that in a second marriage, the spouses tend to have more respect for each other, their individuality and their different opinions in relation to previous marriages. "This element of respect simply allows these relations," said Charles, quoting a particular couple him and his wife worked with whom were both on their third weddings. "Third, they finally were right."

Tactile communication-I.E., Touch-may be more difficult to maintain in a second or third marriage. Elizabeth Schmitz explains that remarried couples will have to work more to touch communication because they are at a different life stage. "You are not new grooms in a first time wedding with bright eyes and tufted tails," she says. "You have to make a concerted effort to take the time to show the loving touch when you get older."

People tend to put more effort in a second marriage because they no longer want to fail at the marriage. Therefore,Linda Charnes, a licensed marriage and a family therapist in New York, says people often work stronger and try to repair more things when they are noticed.

Do not think that once you are remarried, all of your previous wedding is erased from your memory. In fact, you could catch you to remember on the past and compare it to your new wedding. "It's natural," says Charnes. "People grow up and change and you do not want to completely remove all the items from the first wedding." After all, if younot Think about it, how can you avoid the same errors in your previous wedding in your new?

When you are remarried, there is always an expectation that the new relationship will be incomparably better. But it's not a guarantee. "People have unrealistic ideas that a change of scene will make a huge change," says Charnes. Rather than thinking that a new wedding will be a night switch and day for your global happiness, think more like a progressive change - and embraces all new happiness that comes from your way.

According to Charnes, sometimes your new spouse can feel like "saving the day". But when a previous marriage was notthis bad, there may bejealousy of the former spouse In your new wedding. It's a normal human emotion, but make sure to cope with open and honest communication, she says.

When you are remarried, you join another family. However, after the previous marriages did not work, your family or family of your spouse could grow more than with an earlier wedding to try to make sure that this new marriage does not end as the last.

"Family members can become too involved in the relationship and that the spouse feels as if they have arranged," said the therapistCourtney Getter, LMFP, CSP, which is based in Decatur, Georgia. And this can be frustrating, but here are two remarriage bits Tips: 1) Do not forget to define your borders with your own parents, as well as your in-law, and 2) your new spouse is worthwhile to set up the family. drama.

GETER compares sexual connections to zebras: each has its own stripes. The sexual interests and preferences of your new spouse will not match those of your previous spouse. "You will create a new routine, new life with a new partner and who would also understand sex," says Getter. Understand that you are going to have a new personality in the bedroom and yourSexual trends will probably change When you notice.

According toAmerican census officebetween 67 and 80% of the second marriage end with divorce. Chances could not be in your favor, but as a result of this remarriage tip, it is an ideal place to start.

Yescouple therapy Was not it a factor in your previous marriage, do not be surprised if your next spouse brings it as early. "From the point of view of a therapist, the question is not the situation," says Charnes. "You must resolve internal conflicts or they will go out in a second or third wedding."

With the first weddings, the "I do" is usually delivered with a "forever" -Méaning a prenup is considered, at best useless, and, at worst, insulting. But if you're fighting, you know that "I do" does not always mean forever - and that a prenup could be a good idea. In addition, "If people are older and have accumulated more and are further in life, there may be more than they have to lose," says Charnes.

Before you go back, make sure to check theSocial Security Administration To see if your state has a required waiting period. All states do, but some have fairly stringent laws on books. For example, in the Massachusetts you have to wait until 120 days afterto divorce before you can remarry.

It is not uncommon for people to keep the name of their previous spouse, even after a divorce. After all, it's hard to change your license, social security card, passport, bank accounts and all this jazzagain.So, if you are in a new serious relationship, you must have this conversation with your partner before moving up.

Rebecca Wright, a remarkable woman from Illinois, is a established lawyer and had difficulty adapting professionally to a new name after his first marriage. Now she is remarried. But before tabling a second step, she had to talk to her husband: change his nameagain could have been a problem for his career, so she stuck with her first married name.

No matter what you choose to make your name, it's not a conversation you should shine.

When you have met a divorce, it can take years to cure it. So, yes, you may have found your new love, but there is no need to rush you back.Rachel Bledsoe of Tennessee wrote in an article forGood Housekeeping She refused her second proposal for her second husband because she still needed time to heal her first marriage. There are also times when you see that your ex-spouse remembers and you may put pressure to do the same. Remember that everyone is on their own chronology, so instead of rushing you, think of what suits you best.