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Catch your partner in theact of infidelity is a crushing shot, and the one that is not easy to go out. It's only natural to wantslopeTo blame you, or even just pretend that nothing happened. But none of these things will help you in the long run. To make sure youconfront a cheater In the healthiest way possible, make sure to avoid the worst things you can doIf you catch your cheating partner, according to the experts in relations.

By the time you discoverYour partner has cheatedYou will probably be filled with rage. But that's not going to help you communicate, saysApril davis, the founder of the luxury matchmaking companyLuma.

"The worst thing you can do if you catch your partner, the cheating has become a rage and darkened with your emotions," she says. "To avoid any case, before confrontation, you have to take time and map. The more you are prepared, it's better. It's important to go to this level level; the last thing you want, It's for he must jump into your face more than he has already. "

"When someoneviolates a monogamy agreement, there is often a strong desire to know every detail of transgression, "saysPrause NicolePhD, a neuroscientist and an authorized sexual psychologist based in California. "How did they meet for the first time? How much did she press in his lips when they kissed?"

But, according to the law, the details simply make more lively and painful. In addition, she adds: "You will never know all the details. The next time you wonder what they wore. The next time you're going to ask me how they had sex when it was so dark low." Your curiosity is kept to get the best of you.

There may be no instance when you feel less in control than when you find out that your partner hasbetrayed your confidenceThat's why you could turn the blame to yourself.

"After trauma, we tend to blame me for the event as a way to acquire a sense of control," saysHeather Z. Lyons, PhD, Professor of Psychology at the University of Loyola and Considers of Couples Certified in Baltimore. "However, it's a defensive answer and is based on incomplete, otherwise inaccurate information, it could help us feel ability to short-term, but this hypothesis is not useful in the long run."

Once again, it's a natural answer, but it's once you have to resist to deal with the problem by hand. "Compare yourself to the person your checked partner will make you feel worse," says the licensed marriage therapistCatherine Jackson. "It is unproductive and serve onlyBring your mood further away."

This could be difficult for some to believe, but do eyes on a matter of a case. It is also, however, a dangerous.

"It's already bad that you know your partner deceives you," saysCelia Schweyer, an expert on meetings and relations toDataingScout.com. "What is worse, it's when you have already caught in the act and you do not call it like that as you love it so much, and you do not want to lose it."

Social media has become part of our daily lives. But even if you are someone who regularly publishes personal information on Facebook or Instagram, resist the desire to look like something like a deal.

"While you may want the whole world to know that your partner is not what you thought of being, one of the worst things you can do when you catch your cheating partner is the position on social media" , ExplainAdina Mahalli, an expert in relation to Maple Holistics. "You basically create a public scene and while you think that everyone will rush to your support, most people are just fearing that they" look "something so personal won in public."

BecauseCatch your partner in a caseCan be so breaking the earth, the person who has been betrayed often just wants to "come back to" normal "as quickly as possible, saysKevin Darnéthe author ofMy cat does not agree! (A relational epiphany).

"Unfortunately, when a person takes no time to treat what happened, they can offer forgiveness while beingunable to forgive"he said." As time goes on, they discover whatever the contrition of the presence of their partner or their effort to be transparent to gain confidence, it is not enough. "

"Cheating is not automatic"sewer"For everyone," said Darné. "Some couples actually reported theirRelationships have become stronger after a link. However, each person must know each other and listen to their inner guide. Everyone is not able to give someone who hurts them a clean slate. If every time you look at your companion, you avoid the pictures of themlying and you deceive, stay with them is an act of self-mutilation. "

Yes, hurt people injured to people. But "going after your cheating companion keeps you stuck in pain," saysKIMBERLY FRIEDMUTTER, expert in relation and author ofSubconscious power: use your interior spirit to create life you have always wanted. "It does not mean weak behavior."

Jackson reiterates that it is important to "resist the urge to get even". "EC can lead to bad decisions, some of which you can not cancel. Sometimes, when we" get, we actually injured more in the process, "she advises." In addition, you are likely to feel bad not to do something you have never wanted, but only to hurt your partner as much as you do. "

And yes, it's going to cheat like revenge too. "Cheating to come back to yourcheat partner Do not make you feel better, "says Schweyer." You might think that you hurt them like a revenge, but you simply hurt you more. Cheating on your partner will not solve the problem. It's only goingmake your relationship even less useful to maintain. "

Sprinkle something other than other significant loves or crushing boxes framed once darling is not a long-term solution either. "You think you will feel better by diverting all your emotions and being destructive, but as good as it could feel at first, you do more harm to yourself than good," says Schweyer. "The soldier treats From your insurance company and maybe even the police. Chances are high that you will be labeled as "crazy", unfair as it may seem. Try to avoid this by finding this by finding ithealthier ways to cope with your anger. "

This is another weak shot that is not worth it, according to Friedmutter. "Your partner went low, but that does not mean you have to react at the time in the same way," she says. "The corresponding behavior trying to hurt the other financial will have to be rectified later."

Lyon notes that it is important to treat infidelity as any other traumatic situation. "A lot of answers we need to cheat and hyper-vigilance, race heart, difficulty to eat and sleep, etc. - look like answers from those who have experienced more broadly recognized trauma," she says.

And as the trauma has an effect so deep on the brain, Lyon advises against the significant decision-making shortly afterDiscover a partner has cheated. "During trauma, our brain goes into survival mode. When our brain is focused on survival, our prefrontal cortex is disabled. [But] Decision-making is guided by our prefrontal cortex, "says Lyon said. "Wait for major decisions until your nervous system had time to relax and have had time to benefit from people who care about you."

Finally, you and your partner will have to talk about what happened and delay the inevitable too long do not you do favors. "Avoid confrontation or concealment of your mother's house prolongs the inevitable and the woman," says Friedmutter. "Although it's the most embarrassing of all times, the sooner you face, the sooner it's over."

When you discover that your partner betrayed your confidence, it's natural to wonder if you could have done something differently. It is natural to wonder a lot of things, in fact - and it is important that you do. "It takes time to treat what you feel, and you can meet a rollercoaster of emotions. Allow yourself to feel the way you feel and as long as you have to feel it," Jackson said. "Do not simply brush your feelings under the carpet and continue life as usual. These unprecedented emotions will come out inadequately later."

You may decide possibly to tell a small group of people - a trusted friend or a close family member, for example aboutThe infidelity of your partner. But take the time to decide if you really want to leave others on what's going on.

"When someoneCheats in a relationshipAnd the others know about it, a wealth of emotions can be transpired in you and to them, "says Jackson." You should try to take the time to decide what you want to do without thinking about how others will handle your decision. "

"It's a frightful and jarring experience to know that your partner has been deceived," says Tzlil Hertzberg , LMHC, a sexual therapist at Mytherapist New York. That's why she Recommend therapy .

"In therapy, we treat our reactions when difficult things happen - attributing to the view that you should accept anything. We are working on how to manage it when our partner disappoints us, but we also bring the requests that We put on him / her. "