Good Lifestyle

Nobody decides with casualment end a wedding. But the reality is that almost half of American marriages do notdivorce. This can be of course, aSource of deep pain for both spouses- especially when complicating factors are involved, such as betrayal, children, and financial burdens. But many partners who separate also report many positive points of these chances to a new start. Here's what people are saying are the best and the worst things about divorcing.

Remember that the level of cleanliness, physical activity and personal space you preferred before meeting your spouse? Yes, it's all necessary to choose again after divorce and reacquainting your personal style preferences can beThe quality of life of the game changer. ForLorna Hollinger, The divorce means "the space to create my life and lifestyle that I wanted now," and no longer have to serve as "the maid of everyone! »

Even in the greatest amicable gap, the reality is that most divorces will result in each partner lose some of the friends they had when they were part of a pair. And it can feel like you to at the retarding have been prepared for when you have finished your wedding. "I lost a ton of wonderful people," saidJeni Elizabeth, Which is now remarried with two children and a beautiful son.

But even like losing friends, you are a winner so much that could certainly new friends, but also a chance to a new love, new adventures, and much more. Elizabeth says the biggest positive side for her was "the opportunity to have a new start ... Find my true love and soul mate and have children with him. From a clean table and be able to rebuild and reinvent me. Make new friends and walk down new ways with new adventures. »

As if to go through a divorce is not suffering painful, there is the feeling that many other people are weighed with their own opinions, or to your face, or whisper behind your back. And it's hard to debate. "I was afraid that some people knew each other from the story, as pueril as the sounds and hated me," Elizabeth said. As a Catholic, she too worried that my aunt, who was a nun, would be livid and I would not be accepted at the church. »

It is called the "comfort zone" for a reason: it is where people live for long periods feel like they are comfortable without growing to test the limits. It is only when we are forced to get out of it by circumstances such as the divorce we realize that we could not have been comfortable, after all.

Tara Eisenhard, Divorce coach, mediator and author ofD-Word: Divorce by the eyes of a child, Went through a divorce in 2006. She quotes some of the best pieces as "clarity about who find you are" and "learn to love you", which have just come out of your comfort zone.

Children can be one of the most complicated parties of divorce, and certainly one of the most painful. "The worst thing was leaving my children on a full-time basis, which I think I'm wrong certainly more than anyone," saysSinger Richard. But he says he is aware that remains "full-time in marriage the way it was caused difficulties for children and all those involved. »

Although divorce could mean less time with your children inamountHe could certainly mean much betterquality Time with them, because divorce could be better for you as individuals, as a parent, and as a family unit. divorced momLindsay Kirsch said "Divorce helped me become a strong, independent woman. I am proud of the example I create for my daughters. »

And singer says after finding peace and happiness in his divorce, he became "much better and healthier to keep in mind with my children, and kiss every precious moment that I was with them. »

The financial burden of a divorce is among the most notoriously difficult parties to separate. Hollinger said in his two divorces, his "feeling of financial security [was] stripped abruptly. She remembers having to pay one of his exes financially to keep his house. She then said, there was the "stress of getting a mortgage in my name. She added, "I was desperately looking to keep a roof on my heads. »

But the reverse of this pain is the relief that has just not having to bear a shared house with a spouse who hurt you. After separation, you will feel your home becoming happier, still a carrier environment still, where people can grow within it. "The feeling of energy in our house transformed into positive energy," recalls Hollinger. "I felt that I could breathe again, could sit and again my own thoughts. I could meditate in peace. »

In some cases, the divorce stems from betrayal such as infidelity and which can add a dimension of pain to an already turbulent process. In one of its two divorces, Hollinger, she explains, "had to face a range of emotions for the first time," because there was "the betrayal and cruelty of someone I had love. »

When you cross a divorce, you are obliged to take a good look at the parts of yourself would leave you coast, and to be this criticism can lead to important breakthroughs that you a better person.

"One of the positive results of the divorce is that it can force you to examine and ask you how you have to change and grow as a person," says the author TorontoisElliott Katz. "When I'm divorced, like many people, I blamed the other person. Then I wondered, what should I learn from all this? And as well as started my trip to see what it really means to be a man in a relationship. I discovered a lot of wisdom that made me say, "I would like to have known. I learned to take responsibility and not to blame your spouse. "

It's hard not to feel isolated when people around you simply not find it, or their tips miss the brand completely, Notes Eisenhard. "People do not understand and project their own feelings and experience on you," she says. "You get unnecessary and unsolicited advice, and you know that people believe that rumors are not true. »

If you felt stuck in a marriage that considerably limits your sense of autonomy and agency, divorce can be a chance to make independent decisions again, and which may feel outright magical. "Divorce is certainly not easy. However, I am very grateful for the lessons I learned from going through a divorce, "says Kirsch," the best things? I can make my own priorities and decisions ... without the need to consult someone else. Following my divorce, I left a career and unfulfilling started my own business successfully! »

Passing through a divorce can be prime time to play the game of blame and can be difficult, no matter who is at fault. "I chose a path that allowed me to suppress the blame of the equation and owns my part," saysMaresa Friedman. "It's easy for a very emotional state to blame someone else. But the truth is that we have to own our own business. I made an effort not to blame because we had a child, and I'm happier for her. »

Finding love again maybe the thing furthest away from your mind that you extracted from a wedding. But the very fact of going through a divorce can put you in place for lasting love on the road. "When I met the woman I'm married at 22, I recognized in her a strong, stable partner [with whom I could overcome the years together," saysWilliam Seavey. "She also divorced, and we both learned the lessons to do too fast a choice to get married with a partner, and the suffering of the years of regret and negligence ... I am blessed to have had a second chance But I know I had it at work ".

When crossing a divorce, you could find yourself in the pangs of "social shame", even if you know the deep divorce down is not something to be ashamed of, according to Eisenhard. You might feel embarrassed in front of foreigners, colleagues, friends or family. On his second divorce, Hollinger said she had trouble "saving the face with [his] sons" more divorce again.

Divorce's experience triggered a period of self-analysis that caused Katz to share his knowledge in a book,To be the strong man a woman wants: the timeless wisdom of being a man. And it now leads men on how to develop in relations. When you learn from personal experience, you may be able to sincerely help others who are going through difficult times in the same.

Divorce can erode your sense of identity that you pull the anchor from your own story and disorientation. "I felt like I did not know my best friend, and I would still do it today," said Elizabeth. "Remember the times we ri has become more and more difficult. »

Divorce can provide not only more time to go after your dreams, but also permission to do so. Eisenhard says "The authorization to pursue [his] passion" was among the best parties to divorce.

And agree Hollinger. "Ilove Being single in my 50s: this fabulous travel freedom where I want, do what I want, answer to anyone, "she says. "I can devote my time to build my own business, and my charity".

Even if the society did not fill, the dissolution of a marriage can certainly feel like a time alone. This feeling can even be amplified when there are children in the house, as raising them without a partner can feel new and strange. "To be a single mother who has custody of my two girls can be very lonely sometimes," says Kirsch. "When I fight to take care of others, sometimes I just want someone to come and take care of me. »