Good Lifestyle

When you firstwalk on the driveway, tons of people give you marriage tips like "never go to bed angry" and "remember that you are on the same team." Of course, during the honeymoon phase, this advice for a long and successful marriage does not seem very pressing. But with the growing number of couples over 50call he stops-those "gray divorces"Now counts 25% of the divisors - it seems more difficult than ever to make a weddingreally Finally until death, are you a party.

So what do these couples who manage to make their unions last for decades know the love that the rest of us does not do it? Small gestures that keep the romance living with the tips to overcome the challenges of most pairs, we gathered the bestWedding tips of those who stuck it for half a century. These are the keys to conjugal success. And for more wedding reviews, consult the50 best wedding tips from all time, according to related experts⁠.

If you want your partner to look like both desirable and desired, make sure to let them know how often they think. "Leave your partner know that you think about it and you first put them in your mind," suggestsBeverly B. Palmer, PhD, professor of psychology, clinical psychologist and author who has been married for 50 years. And if you are worried about your wedding, check the12 real people share the way they saved their divorce marriages.

Instead of always letting your partner know exactly how you feel first, make room for them to express themselves before starting to share. "Understand your partner's point of view and let your partner know that," says Palmer. "After that, you can express yours."

The houses are canned-uppers, but watch your spouse in this way is a disaster recipe. "Accept your partner just for whom they are. Do not try to change them", recommend palm. After all, people can only change ifthey or they want to. "Just accept their strengths and weaknesses that make them unique and you love them for that." And for more marriage warning signs, checkThe 33 most common reasons why relationships fail.

Just because your relationship becomes rocky from time to time, it does not mean that you and your spouse is not a good match, try to imagine life without them and you will realize how important they are for you.

"Sometimes, when I have a couple of advice who are antagonists from each other or apathetic, I tell them:" Think about that you may not have tomorrow with the one you like, "says Palmer. "'What would you like you to have said or done today who would have made a difference?" "And for more long term, here is40 wedding errors that no one over 40 should do, according to experts.

Listen, all couples fight. But half of the wedding battle consists of knowing which fights to choose from and which you should meet your spouse halfway. "We comprise," saysAnna Pallian, who was married to her husbandAniello for 58 years. "When you love you, you like to make the road bumpy from the smoother life. When you do that every day, you put love and the other first, instead of yourself. It keeps the peaceful things. "

Doing the feeling of your spouse is she loved sometimes more than listening to their desires and needs - physical condition is also important. "A hug and a kiss go a long way," says artistSheilah Rechtshaffer, who was married to her husband,Bertfor 56 years. And for some words of wisdom, you must ignore, consult the50 Relationships really terrible advice.

Before you go for the evening, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page of the disagreements you had earlier in the day. "Do not go to the middle bed," says Bert.

With work, social commitments and other family members compete with your time, it can be difficult to allocate once in once with your spouse. But make a point to do it - and enjoy it - can make your relationship stronger in the long run. "One of the most important things is to do things together," saysTom Wilbur, who has been married for 49 years.

As your relationship progresses, do not forget to maintain yourFriendship with the romantic side of your relationship. "We have always been able to spend a lot of time together and a real friendship has been easily formed," saysBarbara Adoff, who was married to her husbandInvoice for 47 years. "The best friends are there for the other, to support each other and love having fun together. I often say to my husband, I feel like we have a very long dilage at night."

Turning activities otherwise boring inSmall romantic opportunities Can keep the passion living, no matter how long you have been together. "Just stop Wawa for a coffee on our way to handle the races makes it special," says Barbara. "We often take time to please things, or enjoy the moment. If a good song comes home, we will stop and dance, we go to the cinema and walks."

Self-administered care is important - and the execution of these acts of restoration with your partner can often make your relationship stronger along the way. "We manage to get into our hot tub most days and this relaxation time is a treat," says Barbara. "The treaties are good for yourself and one to the other."

You want to keep your wedding strong? Take the opportunity to spend time together. "Just go to the grocery store that should be treated as a date," Barbara's husband, Bill.

Although savers and spenders can copely coexist, it is important to see your eyes on your long-term financial goals to keep your wedding on a constant layoff. "The most important problem of long-term couples are finance," says Bill. "Get the same page right away. Do not let the money go in the way."

Sometimes things do not work as planned. Instead of choosing a fight with your spouse or get off, try to have a goodto laugh about things. "Laughing yourself and one another", suggests Barbara. "To laughwith each other. Humor is the way to enjoy a wedding and raising children. "

The space does not need to be a bad thing. Just because you want to spend time away from your partner does not mean that you like or cheer them less.

"I would still be married to live in a big house"Maureen Mcewan, who was married to her husbandM For more than 50 years, saidGood Housekeeping. "I need space. I need to know that I can be by myself and that I can be] artistic. "And for more relationship tips delivered directly to your inbox,Sign up for our daily newsletter.

Many people end up with unfortunate in their marriage because they are wondering: "And if there is someone better there for me?" Or "And if it's not the right way for me?" But, most of the time, the answers to these questions are: "There is no" and "it's".

"My grandchildren will not settle because they think theThe grass is greener, "Sheldon Y., which has been married for 50 years, saidElite every day. "I met my wife and asked him to marry me three days later. When you know someone is right for you, install them with them and do not let them leave. The grass is Never even more green than the love you favor many years. "

The search for external help is still a little taboo in some circles where people assume marital advice insinuate their relationship is weak. However, it's actually the opposite.

"I'm not Cinderella, and he's not prince charming,"Sherri Sugarman, who was married to her husbandCharlie For more than 50 years, saidGood Housekeeping. "The problems along the way are normal because it is difficult to live together all these years. We went to amarriage counselor At one point, because we went into different directions and we needed professional help. You must always continue to work on the relationship. "

Sometimes people have an idol vision of marriage and think that a fight means that the end is near. But the truth is that all couples fight - even the happy.

"It's not all easy years. Young people say," Oh you will not fight you almost never. "We say," No, on the contrary,we fight all the time''Jim Owen, who was married to his wifeSanya For 50 years, saysPaternal. "You can [keep your wedding alive], but it takes a lot of work. It's not just something you can ho-him through life."

Although it can be nice to imagine your future with someone, if you are always focused on what to come, you will not appreciate your partner in the present, which leads to a problem in the future .

"I'm always surprised that young people coming out for two weeks say," I think I finally met the one I want to spend my life with! "It's almost as if they visualize the 5, 10 or 20 years old. I do not think we have never done that, says OwenPaternal. "We do not live in the future. We do not think:" It's going to be so much better once it's or this event occurs. "

Base your wedding wedding from someone else can be a disaster recipe. The only people you need to prove your wedding are you and your partner, not the world.

"I think one of the questions that young people face is that they look at the social media, they listen to celebrity stuff and they think somewhere there is a possibility of marriage done in heaven, where There are no problems. As some people have perfect marriage. And it's just not true. Every family has problems, "explained Owen toPaternal.

The world is full of surprises, and not all well, so enjoy the maximum of every moment with your partner - especially at the end of the day. "Alwaysmute kiss good night because you never know what tomorrow can bring, "Joyce Smith Speares, which has been married toBenny Dewitt For more than 60 years, saidSouthern life.

It's true. If you hope something of your spouse, I hope patience. "Patience has made our resilient marriage and has been one of the most important reasons we are still living happy forever, enjoy our golden years"Ann Yedowitz, who was married to her husbandJoe For more than 50 years, saysSouthern life.

The secret of a happy and loving wedding? Knowing that you are together, as a team, no matter the one on your part of you individually. Once you are married, everything should be confronted together.

"I knowAlan Is there for me "EVELYN BRIER RecountGood Housekeeping About her husband over 50 years old. "I was sick with breast cancer [eight] years, and he was there and he was there. It was important and satisfying, to know that there is someone who really cares for my well-being. . That's what likes. "

Be friends before registering in a romantic relationship can help to cement your decades of deposit in the line. "We had been friends for several years before you just start dating," saysSilvana Clark, an author and a speaker who has been married for 42 years. "It gave us time to get to know each other and have a realistic understanding of our personalities, forces and weaknesses."

If you want your relationship to last, "yes" a priority. "Marry someone who is fun to be with. Then throughout your wedding, say" yes "to each other", suggests Clark. "Yes, we can paint be the red dining room if you want." "Yes, we can go to a musical, even if I do not like to sing and press the dance. "Yes, let's take a sheep to mow the yard, because it takes too much time to use a lawn mower. We found by saying "yes" to each other, our lives have been filled with new experiences and incredible moments together. »

Your spouse is not likely to change just because you are married, it is important to know what your are briskers before walking down the aisle. "Of course, we all have problems, but if you plan to marry someone who drinks heavily when upset, is in a bad mood and has rabies convulsions, stay away!" said Clark. "These features will not disappear when you marry. Even marry someone who is a house body while you like traveling can be a stressor in a wedding."

Your passion for others can wax and focus over the years, but reminding you why you fell in love with love for the first time, you can help you withdraw when you want to derive from each other.

"Keep near your mind poignant memories of the first spurts of love - When you knew you never want to be far from that person, when your heart felt a physical jump to the sight," let's sayLewisandMarsha McGehee, who have been married for 44 years. "Daily obstacles will work if the determination of keeping your love story is strong."

To know (and hear regularly) that your spouse loves you is important, but knowing that theywant to You can make your wedding last. "Being attractive means ... do little things for each other and the necessary feeling," Lewis said. "I want my spouse to want me."

The code of codependence can quickly acider any relationship - and maintain your personal interests outside marriage could be the key to enjoying a solid union. "I want my spouse to be engaged in a productive life and care of himself," says Lewis.

"I think the maintenance of physical attractiveness is also important," says Lewis. "I do not want to just say in a superficial way. Be attractive for your spouse means many things, as trying to stay in shape by working. It has the added benefit of keeping his strong and positive mental attitude."

Throw outthe word "d" In the arguments - or even think that this fight could be your last - will inevitably result in tension in your wedding that you might be unable to repair. "Never come into an argument thinking that this could be the end of the relationship," advises McGehees. "It means to talk about your mind, but do not say or do something that is not recoverable. Healthy marriages are not always smooth, but should always be respectful."

You should not wait for holidays or birthdays to celebrate all the wonderful things you like from your spouse.

"I have always celebrated birthdays, birthdays, and it's just a Wednesday on what started like a mad job," saysCarol Gee, author ofRandom notes (about life, "stuff" and finally learns to expire), who has been married for 47 years. "Celebrate the opportunities, big and small. These celebrations do not have to be big offers - a cake and a coffee to celebrate a birthday, or because it's on Friday and you just like to be together."

Keep your wife on their toes can go very far. "One day, I asked my husband what he thought that the secret of our marriage was" said Gee. "A calm man of little words," he says, "I never know what you will make from one minute to another, and I think I like that. "

Have an incrediblesex life May keep the two interested partners, but explore intimacy outside the bedroom limits is just as important. "Intimacy is more than sex," says Gee. "He stands his hand, it's kissing hello and goodbye. It spends time together without external distractions, cell phones, televisions, that kind of thing."

Over time, many people are so used to their partners around what they no longer feel the need to do these little onesacts of kindnessI like to draw chairs, holding an umbrella one for others or tackle a chore, so their other significant is not obliged. "No matter how long we are married, my husband holding open doors for me makes me feel special," says Gee.

The sharing of at least one daily meal without device can make all the difference in health of your relationship. "We have always tried to eat at least one daily set", explains Gee. "As a torque (before retirement) with different hours of work, it's usually dinner. Not only do we appreciate a meal together, but we also use this time to talk about our day."

Even if you simply warm up the remains of last night, you can make meals with your spouse, as a special occasion every night of the week. Turn on some candles, open a bottle of good wine, or put a romantic playlist to set the atmosphere. "Pots are not often served in our dining room on good China," says Gee.

Sweep your other from their feet is something that can keep these fires lit even after your stay for decades. "I plan for travel where he should only do his bag," said Gee. "On the other hand, it will surprise me by bringing dinner at home or buying the scratches at the lottery that I love and I hide them where I can find them. Unusual locations, such as in the dishes in the Cabinet, or hidden in our bed show the thought it just puts because it tickles me when I find them. "

If you want to keep your relationship strong over the years, make sure you leave your partner know what you want in the room, especially if it changes over time.

"We learned to excite yourself and please you," saidBeverly Solomon, a creative director who has been married for 44 years. "As your love grows up, the quality of your sexual intimacy is the same. As you get older, you really enjoy shared pleasures of true love."

Being grateful can help put things in perspective, to keep you and your spouse of the spiral in despair, because things do not go as planned. "[We] Thanks every day for the blessings we have and for future blessings," says Solomon.

Want to see your relationship through a rosier lens? Try to spend time with friends who share your positive perspectives on life. "We avoidnegative people and negative situations, "Solomon Notes". " Being around negative people with negative perspectives can poison your life. "

If you find yourself a little too passionate during aArgument with your spouseIt's often better to come back for the moment and return to the discussion later when you feel more calmed.

"We have disagreements - like all couples do," says Solomon. But, she adds: "If one or other of us believes that we are too molerable to discuss a question of a sane and respectful way, we give ourselves a little time to cool. "

When ventilating your friends from your spouse, the inability of your spouse to pick up their socks can be cathartic, spreading the intimate details of what's wrong with your wedding whenever you and your disagree partner can do more in bad than good. "We never have a badmouth one another for others," says Solomon.

Learn not to leave the opinions and advice from others Infiltrate your wedding keep you and your spouse synchronizes over time. "When we were married for the first time, many expectations were placed by our parents," saysDana Kichen, a real estate agent who has been married for 42 years. "After four years of tow and draw, we went out of the state and learned to count totally on each other. It continued throughout our wedding."

Instead of enumerating the many ways in which your partner has upset you, you present these problems from your perspective using statements "I", like ", I feel hurt when you are on your phone when I talk to you."

"This makes it possible to discuss without putting the other person on the defensive and therefore avoids climbing an argument," says Kichen.

To apologize for your partner is essential to keep your wedding strong and healthy over the years - but that does not always mean the concession after a big fight. "Say" I'm sorry "Do not have to say" I was wrong, "Kicen says. "It can be sorry to be sorry to hurt feelings, shouting. This allows you to put aside the wounded feelings and continue without a person who is right and the other wrong."

When you meet hearts with your spouse, it's important to make sure they are your number one priority - and not of television, not linen in the dryer and not what is on your phone.

"What makes our relationship relationship tries to do not multi-task when we communicate with each other," says the authorBracha Goetz, which has been married for 40 years. "And when we try to focus completely during communication, it's as if we are in the middle of aFirst exciting date forever."

When work stress flowed into your relationship or relationship, stress spilled into your professional life, it's a disaster recipe. "We both do our own thing," saysGAYLE CARSON, a life coach who had been married for 45 years before her husband died. "I had my own business and finally my husband had had it. We did not interfere with each other and when we came together, it was glorious."

Having some activities that you both like can tell the difference between decades of marital happiness and seemingly endless conflicts. "We had common interests for entertainment," said Carson. "Every weekend has passed water skiing, swimming and going out in the boat. We loved going to the cinema, eat outside and watch TV."

While enjoying some of the same things, it is certainly easier to spend time together, does not work under the hypothesis that you have to share a personality to happily share a life together. "Although I was extroverting and introverting it, it worked because we did not pushed into one nor the other," said Carson. And for more things that you should not tell your partner, consult the 65 things that no spouse wants to hear, according to the benefits of the relationship .