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The relation betweengrandparents and grandchildren can be a unspickdly special. After all, grandparents learn to enjoy all the pleasure of looking at their little ones without worrying the least pleasant parts of parenthood, such as night awakenings, toddler (and teenager) Tantrum and the ever-increasing cost College. However, at the end of the day, without daily dependence that usually exists in aparent-child relationship, a bond of a child with their grandparents is a more precarious link, which even means an apparently small mystism can potentially cause irreparable damage. If you want to stay on the right side of your grandchildren - and their parents - today and in the future, read it to learn that grandparents should never tell their grandchildren, according to the Mental health professionals.

By sneaking to your grandson an extra cookie or to tell them not to let his parents know about the television hours that you let them watch may not seem like a big problem,encourage them to lie on this subject definitively. In doing so, you show your grandchildren that should also massage the truth in other areas of life. After all, "If they are happy to lie on small things, do you really know what other truths they might be happy to cover?" Request the Tampa-based therapist relationshipMegan Harrison.

Your preschooler's fight with a friend or knee to the skin of a college may not seem like the end of the world, but this type of language will invariably cause more important problems than it aims to solve. "This statement deeply invalidates the feelings and perspective of another person. He also summarizes them to feel that way," says Harrison. She notes that this declaration canadd embarrassment to an already difficult situation, but rarely helps to broadcast it.

Even if you think you just notice about the proximity of your relationship with your grandson, tell them that they like one of you, it's always a bad idea. "It makes the child feel the need to prove their love [to the grandparent they would have loved less]", explains a licensed therapist and a parenting expertPink skeetrs, who notes that this can make a child less likely to open up about their feelings in the future.

In theory, it may seem better to teach your grandchild tospeak gently to and on other people. But in reality, this message can be lost in the translation. "This board asks a child to be inauthentic and eliminate their opinions," says Houston's licensed professional advisor.Natalie Mica. "It can also leave them in danger by not to disclose important issues that may need adult attention."

You may want your word to be undisputed, but tells your grandson, it will never give the desired results. "It devalues ​​the curiosity of a child and lets them feel licensed and irrelevant," says Mica.

This sentence may not seem like devastating, but you do not deceive: everything is absolutely. "When they hear that they are absolutely loved, but they may not be friendly, we can really do a number on childrenloving"Explains therapistHeather Z. Lyons, PhD, owner ofBaltimore therapy group.

Instead of delivering this type of reporting, "it could be an opportunity to explain that we all make mistakes from time to time and we can help empower [them] to help remedy these mistakes."

It can be difficult to avoid drawing comparisons between grandchildren, but that will only cause serious and possibly irreparable problems. "Every child will require a different approach," says Lyon. "The comparison overlooks this uniqueness and is an implementation forFraternal rivalry and weak self-esteem. "

The comparison of brothers and sisters can be harmful, but compare your grandchildren to their friends can be just as insidious. Pronounce this sentence is simply "using different variations in peer pressure", explains Mica. By comparing a child to their peers, you "teach them to gauge by external [factors] rather than by their own internal values, interests and effort."

Simply because you had a childhood so difficult that 12 miles would have included walking through snow at school or hard-dry discipline mean your grandchildren should feel lucky to have easier things. To say that to your grandchildren when they are dissatisfied with something "essentially tells [the] their experience and perceptions are false, and actually challenge them their own mental health", explains psychotherapist psychotherapistLisa S. Larsen, Psyd.

While grandparents are often a little more indulgent about toys and candies that parents are, trying to excuse an error or offset a disappointment with a gift can cause major problems. In some cases, family members are trying to "minimize the impact of what they did by buying the child something like a treatment element or a toy after they have been disciplined," says Larsen. "It does not delete what happened ... He says," People can treat you badly, but if they buy something, it goes straight. »

Your own children may have ravages in their youth, but tell your grandchildren about it will not repair the past and it could make these relationships much more at issue in the future. "Grandparents must respect their role," says Larsen. "If they say disrespectful things about their own children to their grandchildren, grandchildren can come to lack respect for their own parents and breaks the relationship between grandchildren and their parents. »

You can not agree with how your children raise their brood, but tell your grandchildren thattheir parents are wrong is never the solution. This "parent" and can bring the child to become disrespectful to [them], "saysDanni Zhang, Principal psychologist and founder ofPsychology New Vision. If you want your grandchildren's parent to change their behavior, which is something to take with them, not with your grandkid.

Even if you have a grandchild who connects you with more than others, telling them that many, even in a pleasant way, will only cause long-term problems. Telling your grandchild this "creates a sense of law and can cause behavioral problems in social situations," explains Zhang. Even worse, it can cause division between brothers and sisters or cousins, which those who have not won feeling similar praise like you do not like them as much.

Of course, it can be frustrating to feel like everything you tell your grandchild is ignored, but you should never do that kind of threat. In doing so, "the child develops insecurity in their relations," says Zhang, who adds that statements like this does not really teach them an alternative of appropriate behavior.

While grandparents can be almost also invested in their concentration on their notes the academic success of our grandchildren like the child's parents, can be prejudicial in the long run. If you are asking these questions from your grandchildren, you are "focusing only on results rather than being interested in learning more about your grandchildren's interest in [their] and learning" , explains Zhang.

Unfortunately, the behavior of your grandchild can not always make you proud, but tell them that you are ashamed of them will not solve the situation either. "Shame is the painful feeling that we are intrinsically bad or bad and unworthy of love and belonging," says Mica. "It is very powerful and damaging feeling or an experience that can affect all the trajectory of a person's life. »

Even if your grandchild seems determined to destroy everything about their way, there is never a reason to tell them they are "bad". After all, what can a child really say in response to this kind of criticism? "These sentences are internalized and make it more difficult for a child as they grow up to realize that they can make bad choices without being badanybody", ExplainHayley Roberts, Psyd, Clinical Psychologist in Denver, Colorado.

If you do not want your grandchildren to go around to call other names of people, it's time of pinch phrases like this in the egg. "Never call your stupid grandchildren," said psychotherapistRichard A. Singer, Jr., Ma. "Labels and negative statements to human beings in general can be transformed into a self-directive prophecy", which means that they might just begin to behave this way if they already feel like the adults of their life.

Since when is it sensitive such a bad thing anyway? "This remark invalids the emotions of the child and can lead them to hide their emotions," says Mica. She notes that saying this to your grandson can lead to relationship problems later.

Although you may know another child who seems to be an absolute angel in relation to your own grandchildren, allowing them to let know that these mental comparisons will only cause damage. "The comparison sends the message that a child is not good enough, which can lead to feelings of insufficiency, shame and doubt," explains the therapistEmily Guarnotta, Psyd, founder ofConscious Mom.

Even though it seems to be ages before your grandson is repeated things - or talk at all - he is wise to exercise caution on the side of caution regarding what you say in their presence.

"You should expect anything you say, can I repeat and will be repeated at some point," says Guarnotta. "Even children who are preverbal allow what they hear, so it's important to start watching your communication early."