Good Lifestyle

My motto is always: "Ask me anything, I'll tell you" -All, with the exception that I am adopted. It's not that I hide it is that this statement comes with many questions, like "Have you ever met your real parents?" Or, the most cribble of all, "and if you go to your brother without knowing it?" Some of the questions I do not want to answer and when they are others, I do not have the answers.

The truth is that I do not know almost nothing about adoption. I know I spent the first six months of my life with a host family in Yonkers, New York, before my parents adopted me. I know my birth parents were young and unmarried. I know my mother was a "teacher". And the most shocking thing I know is that I had another name at birth, Kathleen. (My mother did not share this little information before being in the quarantine after my death.)

When I was a child, I suspected that something was strange, but I did not learn that I was adopted before having 12 years. Adoption, in my family, was a great secret - and it is not unique. Despite the fact that there are about 1.5 million children adopted in the United States, according to the non-profit groupAdoption networkThe adoption process is always wrapped in a secret coverage.

Although there are now options for open adoptions whereBirth families and adopted families Sharing information and images, the reality is that most adoptions are sterile business handled in courtrooms where documents are sealed for all eternity.

So I understand why people are naturally curious when I say I'm adopted. And I know all their questions and comments (as "I knew you've been adopted - you do not look like your mother") come from a place of care and genuine curiosity. I share what I can, but as adopters, there are things we want that foreigners understand or were more sensitive to. And in the interest of sharing - and in honor of the month of national adoption - here are the 10 things that most adoptuses can be linked.

Do you remember watching a family scrapbook and amaze yourself that you had the nose of your great-grandmother? How about knowing when you were a child and you heard people say that your father looked exactly when it was your age? Growing up, the side of my father of the family had all piercing eyes as blue as a dusk sky and silky blond hair. My mother had black hair straight jet and chiseled features. With my curly reddish brown hair, green eyes and a heel, I looked like anyone.

It was a complete mystery for me why I did not even looked at a distance as anyone growing up. I would try to look for family photos for one ear, an eyebrow, all that looked like mine. One day, I found a picture of an aunt who died before I was born. There she was my aunt Frida looking at me past decades, sporting curly brown hair. Finally, a family member who looked like me! I reported it to my grandmother who told me promptly that I had loved Frida, who spent all his money on shoes, clothes and ... Travel at the lounge for the perms.

Years ago, when I started a new job, a colleague looked at me and said, "Ha! I know your sister!" Since I do not have brothers and sisters, I said he had to be deceived. He replied, "You must be adopted then, because I know someone who is your exact twin." He explained that she was a friendly seller in a shop he went often and that if I wanted to see for myself, he took me there. I have never followed - maybe I was afraid of knowing that I was making a twin who worked just a mile from me.

When you are adopted, you always wonder if there is someone who shares your eyes. And does this person love also lead marathons and collect Tiki cups? The documentaryThree identical foreignersI explored the story of three brothers, adopted in different families, who all seemed similar and share the same ways after meeting adults. Their history, which focused on the same adoption agency I have been placed, wearing the very real possibility of being able to have brothers and sisters somewhere. And that the clerk of the shops could have been one of them, but I did not say yes to discover.

Television and movies have not always been nice to adopt and orphans, to describe them as pickpockets inOliver to an oversized man who works for Santa Claus (Elf) We are not all adorable and plugucky, like the orphans of Miss HanniganAnnie. However, there is something relative about how Annie wonders what his birthplays will look like. In the song "Maybe," the small red-headed orphans muses ", they are Betcha, it's good. Why should not they be? Their mistake gave me." Chills every time.

Place a child for adoption must be one of the most important decisions of a parent. It takes an incredible force for a woman who has worn a child for nine months and then place this baby in the arms of someone else, possibly a few hours after delivery. Know at the merits of what your baby has a better chance in this world with someone else is totally selfless and comes from a place of love.

Nevertheless, however, there are times when, as a child adopted, you are wondering why you were rejected by your first family. Sometimes even if your brain knows that it could never be your fault, for a second you blame yourself. As a baby, have I cried too much? Was I a burden? Of course, it's illogical, but sometimes the heart does not see the logic.

When I was a little girl, I discovered the Beatles of the records collection of my old cousin. I found some photos of a youngJohn LennonAnd became obsessed with the fact that he could be my father. Maybe he recorded in New York and met a young teacher at a counter for lunch and had a stride? For a solid year, I was convinced that my writing and my mind were surely from my secret father, John Lennon.

The best part of its adoption is that you can absolutely write your own debut. Secret Prince? Sure! The child of a little girl from the small town that has become a leading lady? Why not? This is one of these books to "make your own adventures" and you will be the star.

We all went to the doctor and received a fabric clipboard forms. A common consists of small boxes and a list of laundry of illnesses and possible illnesses that take place in your family. By adopting, I know that my adoptive family has a history of heart disease, but that will not help me. Do I check all the boxes, assuming that I am at risk of everything? Or do I check None? I asked my doctors and they do not have a cut and dried answer. Some adoptions give the adoptive family a medical record and some do not do it. And although genetic tests can help respond to a few questions for the adopters, these clipboard hold a world of mystery.

Do you know all these photos of baby bumps that everyone publishes on Instagram? And these images of tiny newborn with folded faces wearing small caps? When you are adopted, you do not have anything. My images begin about six months, with a birth announcement that had two dates: my date of birth and the date I was brought to the house.

Of course, it also means that you can have two celebrations with cake each year. Take this, the children of birth!

When I tell people I'm adopted, I usually get an answer "It's cool" first. Then there is the following question: "So do you know who your real parents are?" The answer is not simple. In most cases, adoptions are legal transactions involving mandatory leakage of the Court to protect the confidentiality of the birth of birth. The laws vary from state to state, but to date, only nine states (Alabama, Alaska, Colorado, Hawaii, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Oregon) have non-limestone adoption files, according toPEW Charities Trusts. This means that adopters born in other states should hire a lawyer and petition a judge to grant access to their own files. It is an expensive company that does not always lead to success.

There are many online registers where adoptuses, parents of birth and parents can go for their families. Birth parents, for example, will say they are looking for a little girl born on December 21, 1975 at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, in the hope that this baby-cultured - is also looking for the register. This varies from state to state, but New York has an official register where the two parties have registered, the state will share information. It's a bit a needle in a hay situation and it only works if both parties agree.

There is an old adage that adopted children are special because they werewanted to. And that's true. My mother had a dozen false layers before looking for an adoption. This was before in vitro and the substitute port were viable options. To finance adoption - who ran about $ 10,000 decades ago - they borrowed money from the family and still had to deposit for bankruptcy a year later, when the legal fees proved Too much burden.

My parents wanted me and loved me and protected me as fiercely as all parents have ever loved and protecting their child. My "True" family is the one I have been adopted. Of course, I do not share the DNA of these people, but what does it mean? If I were not adopted in this family, I had never had my grandfather got me on my first Russian mountain round. I would never have had my deep love of reading and writing my grandmother. And I would never have been to Ellis Island to watch my great-grandfather who, at 31, brought his young family to New York from Poland to start a new life. In a way, my story is similar to this one too, took a trip to start a new life. And that turned out to be an incredible adventure.