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Wedding counselors Can be huge help for couples through challenges. But there are things they want you to know before walking in their office. There are many myths out there, both marriage and marital advice - it can prevent you from getting the most out of your sessions. So, it's better to get some education and do some work before starting to see a professional. With that in mind, here's some of thesecret that marriage counselors want to know. If you keep in mind the following things, you will be well ahead of the counseling curve.

In marriage, there is rarely a right and a false party - there are only two different perspectives, explainsRabbbi shlomo slatkin, MS, LCPC, founder ofThe marriage restoration project.

"It does not mean that your point of view is invalid; it means accepting that their point of view is also valid," he says. "Honor the differences of everyone is what makes relationships work."

When your partner has an "intense reaction" to something, Slatkin says to try to recognize the root of the situation and not to take it personally. "Just have some compassion, wait for things to calm down, and debate it," he suggests.

There are moments in a relationship where every spouse feels like the other is on a totally different planet and "you can not seem to understand where he comes," says Slatkin.

However, instead of rejecting your concerns from other significant, listen deeply what they say. "The truth is that if you listen long enough, everyone has meaning," says Slatkin. "If you're curious enough to explore where your spouse comes, you will discover the meaning of what he / she really says."

"Conflicts in a relationship are never enjoyable," says Slatkin. "But when you realize that the conflict is a growth that tries to happen, you can consider it as an opportunity."

Areas ofrepeated conflict are also those in which you and your spouse still have the ability to learn and deepen your relationship. Slatkin exhorts couples to "stop being defensive and see what you can do to change".

Love is not just a feeling, It is also an act, says Slatkin. "Love your spouse consists of performing" loving "acts and is not limited to emotion," he explains.

Even if you did not feel "love" as you did once, it's no reason to stop "love" your spouse. In addition to fulfilling your wishes, may simply reinign an attenuated spark. "The very act of giving can awaken these dormant feelings," says Slatkin.

There are many emotions that underlie a healthy marriage, butkindness is the most important, saysHeidi McBain, MA, LMFT, a licenseWedding and family therapist and author ofMajor changes life.

Kindness can really help also mitigate other negative emotions. "Show the kindness to your partner, yourself, your children and your expanded family can take a lot of negativity and stress of your relationship," she says.

Often, spouses are fighting who said or did what. But it's best to avoid this kind of discussion and focus on what bother me each of you, saysRaffi Bilek, LCSW-C, a wedding therapist at theBaltimore Therapy Center.

"Unless you have a video or audio recording of the conversation, you will never be able to determine what has happened really - and the secret is that you do not need to," he says.

Instead, Bilek suggests couples "Tune in what hinders your partner and offer validation and empathy". When this happens, you will be able to pass it, even without going back to the bottom.

A often neglected ingredient for a successful marriage celebrate everyone's successes, saysHeathman Jared, MD, a psychiatrist practicingYour psychiatrist of the family.

People need "constant and edifying support," he says. And celebrate the victories of your spouse - big or small - "demonstrates support for each other".

"Fighting usually start with misapportioning messages or an intention of interpretation," says Heathman. "Being able to sit down and ask for clarification questions of what your partner says can actually solve most disputes."

"If every misunderstanding is sown to dig and scream each with attacks towards the character, it is very unlikely that your partner listens to you or even be ready to try to find a solution," says Heathman.

And if you can not listen and be oriented solutions, your wedding is unfortunately in a bad place.

"Hold a rancor prevents forgiveness and can finally put an end to your relationship," Heathman says. And because we all make mistakes from time to time, forgiveness is needed to move on and stay together.

Christina Lavie, Esq., A divorce lawyer atNJ divorce solutions, says she saw too many situations in which a spouse refuses to see a counselor until the other serves them with divorce papers. But at that time, "It's too late," she says.

"The best advice I can give is not to wait too long to go to the marriage council," Trevite said. "You can not wait until the wedding is beyond the repair to try to repair it."

If you think a wedding advisor will solve your relationship problems by magic, you are in a big surprise, saysJohn Wilder, A wedding coach and the author ofSexual education for adults.

Couples must enter the motivated process to make it work. Although a counselor can be a great help, no one can solve your relationship problems but you.

Wedding counselors are there to help do work of your wedding. Unfortunately, many couples are not there for the same reason. Too often, a couple goes to the therapy simply to say they "were trying". But in reality, they did not do it.

If you are not going to do the hard work to reconnect with your spouse, do not waste time and money going on tips.

Listen to your intestine. If you want to reconcile with your partner, is required to lead to another decade of a non-filled marriage, it may not be worth it to keep it.

After all, saving a wedding is hard work and energy should only be used if you are sure that the relationship is for you.

Spouse abuse is a crime, not a "rough patch". If your spouse is physically abusive, you should talk to the police, not a therapist. If you try to reconcile with a partner who is violent, you put yourself in danger and you endanger the consulting experience.

If you are in this situation, call the National Hotline of Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-7233.

You might think that because there are two people rather than one, the marriage council would go longer than individual therapy. However, the opposite is the case.

According toAmerican Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Couples go to therapy for about 11 sessions on average, compared to 15 to 20 sessions, individuals usually do so. So, if it's the time commitment that prevents you from seeing a counselor, it's not a valid excuse.

Most people assume that the success of marriage tips would end with a happy marriage. However, sometimes a successful therapy course convince the participants they shoulddivorced.

The purpose of therapy is clarity and understanding and peace with the solution. For some couples, it goes their distinct paths.

Being a good communicator does not just mean learning to verbalize your feelings to your partner. This includes these feelings yourself, as well, saysTina B. Ticina, PhD., An authorized psychotherapist and the author ofIt ends with you."Therapy will help you learn the skills you need to improve external and internal communication," she says.

The fact is, before you can tell your close to the way you feel felt, you have to fully appreciate it yourself.

As for the marriage, "no subject is out of bounds," says Ticina. This means that when you arrive in therapy, you will better discuss everything your spouse brings, regardless of the uncomfortable situation.

"All you could not talk about, the therapist will create a safe place to hear you and be heard," she says.

The marriage council works better as soon as you start, before the problems start at Cester, says Tessina.

It's also cheaper this way. "The sooner you go, the more you can get the problem solved, and less it will cost," she adds.

Although couples can have different targets for marriage counseling, happiness is the ultimate , said Tessina.

"Therapy can help you understand your underlying motivations and desires and teach you to be your best, the most accomplished and the happiest," she says.

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