Good Lifestyle

With vibrating text messages, press alerts appearing and constant content foods, it is more difficult than ever to have awithout distraction conversation. But the technology apart, there are things we might all do to bemore committed When we talk with other people. Even those of us whopride of becoming great listeners could probably learn one thing or two. Because the truth is, some of the things you make youthinkto proveHow are you attentive-Blaw in agreement, keeping your thoughts for yourself or share a similar story - are actually signs ofBad listening skills. To help you be a more committed listener, we talked about tangible language experts, psychologists and other professionals from the final list of signs you may have to do when it comes to 'to listen.

It may seem obvious that someone who interrupts is not the best listener. But what you may not realize is that some of the means you are trying to show how interested you are in a conversation are actually forms of interruption.

"Some of us can have good intentions to think that we know what the other person is about to say and in order to bring them to the finish line, we complete the sentence for them", ExplainJames and Suzann Pawelski, co-authors ofHappy together: use the science of positive psychology to build love that lasts. "Even if we are accurate on what the person is about to say, the interruption is almost always perceived by others asimplemented and intrusive. And at the end of the day, we are not readers. We should let the other person finish and give them the respect and time to finish telling their ideas. "

Another sign that you may not be an excellent listener is if you tend to move to each subject back to yourself. And you could even realize that you do it. For example, the person you are talking about told you enthusiastically about their trip to Italy, then you mention your visit five years ago. Or maybe your conversation companion talks about having to move and make them tell them about how you had to move last year. At one point, it ceases to be a question of commissioner or sympathy, andMoves in self-absorption.

"Many people do not actively listen to what someone else says, but rather wait for the other person to buy to jump and divert the conversation", note the pawelskis. "It's anegative behavior This can easily cause problems in professional and personal relationships because it comes as selfish. When we immediately transform the conversation to ourselves, we indirectly told the other person we care about what they say. "

A conversation is an exchange of ideas and information, and it should really go in two directions. It means you should ask the person you talk aboutinformed questions Show that you are interested in what they have to say.

"Conversations die an awkward death when questions are not asked," said expert datingCelia Schweyer ofDATINGELSHIPSADVICE.COM. "In addition to disappearing conversation, your lack of questions means that you do not care enough about following the conversation; it can even say that you do not care about the person who speaks."

Nodded as someone tells you that something is often perceived as aPositive type of body language, helping to show that you listen carefully. But if it seems like you are just through the movements, the person you talk about you will pick up.

"Hosching is usually a sign that the listener understood what the speaker says," says Schweyer. "But doing so too, indicates that you do not listen and listen only the president, only seeming to be interested in the conversation."

Whether discussing what color painting the living roomWith your partnerOr chat with a colleague on a great project of work, it is not uncommon to react defensively if you feel that your opinions are not heard or are in any way in question. But it is likely that the defensive reaction is not because the other person said something offensive, but rather because you really listen to what they say.

"If you do not agree with what the other person says, pause, asks questions, try to be positive [and] respectful and trying to understand their point of view," suggests pawelskis. "Then calmly and thoughtfully, you can bring out of concerns later, only after listening to and really tried to understand their point of view."

Of course, you are a busy person, we are all. But it's not an excuse to push the person you talk to what they are faster.

"Nice to look at your watch or watching your environment while talking to someone that they are indicators that you prefer to be elsewhere else," says Schweyer. "If you do that, you send the message you are not More interested in the conversation and you are running out of patience to talk to them. "

The language of the body is an essential part of the communication - and it is true ofnegative corporal language as well as the positive. The ticks and the faithful not only transmit to others that you are nervous or uncomfortable, they say to anyone that you speak that you are not entirely engaged in the conversation.

As an expert in corporal languageCarol Kinsey Gorman RecountStrong, "Trust is established by a perfect alignment between what is said and the body language that accompanies it. If your gestures are not in full congruence with your verbal message, people subconsciously perceive a duplicity, uncertainty or - at least internal conflict. "

One of the major forms of body language that defines good listeners outside the bad iscontact lenses.

"When we avoid looking at our conversational partners, we tend to miss nonverbal facial expression, body posture, gesticulation - that create an emotional context for what people communicate," saysKristin Bianchi, an approved psychologist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders.

Although it says that avoiding visual contact can sometimes be rooted in anxiety or disorders that may require more involved treatments, in many cases, this is just due to the fact that your attention is wandering . "Very often, our contact with the eyes is sapped by talking while we have separated our attention between our conversation partner and a distractive object in our immediate environment such as smartphones, laptops, [and] television", declares Bianchi.

The most likely reason you do not remember something is safe to have told you that you do not fail to start. "Less attentive than we are at a conversation, the less our brain codira it inlong-term memoryAnd we can not remember what we have never really "heard" in the first place, "said Bianchi". If conditions such as anxiety, depression, sorrow, ADHD, brain injury and dementia can interfere - with degrees of variable severity our memory, if we are not altered by these challenges, we could have a Error "forget" for "careless listening".

In an energetic conversation, it is natural to be excited to crank or answer all that is said. But there is a difference between being enthusiastic and tap anxiously from your foot when you wait until the speaker is finished so that you can offer your opinion on what they are discussing.

"You are so eager to speak that you do not hear a part of what is said," saysHallyly Azulay, a strategist of leadership development and founder and Chief Executive Officer ofTALENTGROW LLC. "You could learn something or change your mind, or maybe even agree if you have just taken the time to listen to the whole message that the president communicates before making him force or interrupting them."

Even though the person you talk about is a big talkative, it does not mean that it is acceptable that you are a passive part of the conversation. "Silence talks about volumes," saysSonya Schwartz, expert in relation withIts standard. "Is not it terrible to try to connect with someone who is just not there? Communication is always the key. Give tips, be empathic, support using your words, hold The hand - it would change the dynamics and can do the day. "

If you are too worried about what you are going to say in response to a person, chances are high, you miss a swiveling part of the conversation. "When someone speaks, they describe what they think, know, need or feel at the auditor," says Azulay. "The listener must listen to their message in order to receive and treat his meaning. If your brain is busy thinking about an answer, it can not also be concentrated simultaneously on the reception of the message sent sent from the speaker. Your brain can not multitask about it. So, if you make your answer, you do not listen to the listening period. "

This might seem to be so actively engaged in the conversation you can finish the speaker sentences. But rather than being a fiancé listener, it is a sign that you are instead.

Imagine this: "Something the other person said has reminded us of a similar, humorous, [or] totally independent experience that we have had, and now we can not wait to share it," saysKC McCormick Çifici, founder of the consulting websiteStories without borders. "But while you hope that the person fully appreciates the story to say, you do not give them the same respect. If the other person is inclined to do the same thing, it can become a vicious circle of stories barely linked that you are trying toone of the other [Instead of] actually listen. "

Everyone has been in this situation, so you might be quick to reject it. But if you find yourself systematicallyforget the names of peopleThis could be a deeper inattention sign that you could take steps to overcome.

"Many of us say we are" bad to names ", but we can improve something if we give importance to that," said Çiiftçi. "By accepting that we are simply" bad to names ", we give ourselves permission not to try even. But if it's someone whose name counts - and they all - so why not try one frommany turns we have surely already heard To remember names? "

When you have a conversation with someone, it's not so the time to go over all the other things you need to do that day. If you are thinking about a grocery list or trying to remember phone calls you need to do, you are not a good listener. "If your brain is busy making a list and check it twice, there is no way we are also listening," says Azulay.

Nobody wants to get stuck in a conversation on a subject they find painfully boring. But it's a fact of life that, from time to time you will end up having to discuss something that might not look personally.

"These might not be the most rewarding social exchanges, butTo be socially efficient, and politeIt is important to offer a conversational reciprocity, regardless of the subject, "says Bianchi." We do not have to converse for hours on topics that do not interest us, but as we want to feel heard, we The ownership of others to listen. "

This may seem obvious, but sometimes the body language of a bad listener can take the form of walking towards the exit in the middle of an exchange. "It prevents you from having a significant conversation and precipitate the other person," says Lynell Ross , founder and editor of Zivadream , which provides advice on well-being and relationships. "If you need to leave, be just honest and tell it, but listen carefully as they speak."