It's the word you should never say when you apologize
If you want to sound sincere in your apologies, it is the word of experts to avoid.
Is never also apologize that it seems, and it hardly ends simply saying "I'm sorry. Your body language, the behavior and the choice of words all play a role inhow your excuses comes through-What is the reason you need to be very careful in choosing the words you use.In fact, according to experts, there is a word you need to give up every time you apologize: but.
"The word" but "is not an excuse-it is self-protection disguised apologies," saysTasha Seiter, MS, AMFT, which has its ownMarriage and practice Family therapy in Fort Collins, Colorado.
Seiteter says the problem with the word "but" is that once it is pronounced half-excuse, it is theonly word the listener will focus on. Even if you are sincere saying sorry, the person you apologize to "get immediately defensive will be when they hear that word," she says.
Not only that but butAlexa Cavaseno, LicSW,Clinician social worker and psychotherapist In Washington C.C., also says that the word "but" is often you look like you blame the other person. "Use" but "cancels the part of your excuses where you take responsibility for your actions and puts the back of blame on the other," she says.
For example, you can say, "I'm sorry for not going out the trash last night, but you have forgotten to remind me. "But"-and this followsweaken your apologies because it appears as if you try toexcuse yourself the responsibility of your actions.
That said, you should not avoid explaining while excusing, according to Seitter. Explain to you is important when to offer excuses, like the other person needs the most likely to know why you did what you did so that they have a clear understanding of what one hopes an isolated event. In this way, they are not "to ask me if you will do it again," says-Seiter.
However, this explanationalwaysshould not include the word "but". Instead, simply exchange the word for "and", says Seiteter. For example, instead of saying, "I'm sorry for you broke,corn It was a long day for me. I was in a bad mood, "say," I'm sorry, I cingla,and It was a long day for me. I was bad mood ".
According to Seiter, "the choice of words is so important in apologies because we havephysiological response to certain words. And if you are curious to know what other words can weaken your apologies, read more. In addition, for more words to avoid every day, seeThe use of these words instantly makes you less intelligent, its study shows.
1 Yes
According toTalia Litman, New York MS-based marriage, new and family therapist, the word "if" is often used to divert responsibility for the person to apologize to. He implies that responsibility is their responsibility because of their interpretation of your comments, "she says. It recommends negotiation on the word for "that". So, instead of saying, "I'm sorryif My comments made you upset, "say," I'm sorrythis My comments made you upset. And other ways to change the way you talk, seeCut these 20 negative words of your life and instantly happier.
2 Because
Although Seiter said to explain can be important in apology, it does not mean that you should try to justify your actions. The word "because" often functions to do it, saysMartin Woods, founder ofcommunication company IndigoExtra Ltd. It easily turns a good excuse in "an excuse, or worse, blame," he says. And for more words to stop using, consultThe only word older people should never say.
3 No matter
This one can be obvious, but in the middle of apologizing and explain you, you can slide and throw in a "everything". According toGaurav Dhir, MRS,Helpandwellness Researcher, Himself, the word "everything" means that "you do not care and are practically exported from the conversation. »In addition, if you use the word at the end of a sentence, as in" or everything "may seem to be either not sure of your apologies or you areJust try to rush to end the conversation, Says Dhir.
4 You feel
The word "sensation" only works in apologies if it is described howyousensation, saysNed Presnall, LCSW, owner ofPlan your recovery and researcher at the University of Washington. That means "I'm sorry you feel that way," is not a good excuse.
"Excuses should never be on how you've felt someone, because it's like saying that the other person has one ownership about their reaction and the situation, which is invalidated," says Presnall. "And if you apologize for the way someone feels, you take what is theirs who is theirs and pretender for your own. Then you make a person try to defend something that is non-defensible, Because feelings are never debated. " And for more useful content delivered directly into your inbox, Sign up for our daily newsletter .
