Good Lifestyle

There are two types of people in the world: those who love dirty jokes and those who say they are not, but are lying. Do not worry about excusing you foryour keen sense of humor here. There is no shame to laugh at aJoke rated Or sharing with your friends. As happens, some of the most beautiful manufactured, trulylaughter jokes are adult dirty jokes. So, read it for the most funny and funny gags we have ever heard. And for more jokes that are only suitable for adults, consult75 dark jokes for those who need a twisted laugh.

Funny jokes

1. What does the toaster told the slice of bread? "I want you in me."
2. "Give me! Give it to me!" she screamed. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could shout everything she wanted, but I kept the umbrella.
3. Two men broke in a pharmacy and stole all the Viagra. The police extinguished an alert to be on the lookout for the two hard criminals.
4. They say that during sex, you burn as many calories as to run eight miles. Who devil runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
5. I will admit it, I have a huge key of sex. My girlfriend lives in forty miles away.
6. Who is the most popular guy of the nudist colony? The one who can wear a cup of coffee in every hand and a dozen donuts.
7. What is the difference between Kinky and Perverti? Kinky is when you tick your girlfriend with a feather, pervert is when you use the entire bird.
8. "I bet you can not tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time," said a husband to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then answers: "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
9. A woman comes out of the shower, clins clins on her boyfriend and says, "Honey, I shaved there. Do you know what it means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means that the drain is clogged again."
10. How do you make a coffee billion table? Tickling his bullets.
11. If you were born in September, it's pretty sure of supposing your parents started their new year with a shot.
12. A naked man broke into a church. The police continued and finally caught it by the organ.
13. Have you heard of the constipated accountant? He could not budget, then he had to go with a paper and a pencil.
14. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the bad sock this morning.
15. An old woman entered the office of a dentist, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to delete them."
16. Why does a siren carry shells? Because she exceeded her b-shells!
17. How do you call a cheap circumcision? A scam!
18. What are you doing when your cat is dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
19. How is life like toilet paper? You are either on a roll or take someone's ***.
20. What is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms used? It's a goodyear. The other hasGreat year.
21. What is the name of Moby Dick's father? Papa Boneer.
22. How do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private guardian!
23. How do you call a herd of cows masturbating? BOEUF STROKIN 'OFF!
24. What did the leper told the sex worker? Keep the tip.
25. How do you call yourself the lesbian version of a rooster block? A beaver dam!
26. What do a penis and a rubik cube in common? The more you play with that, the more difficult it becomes.
27. What is long, green and feel like bacon? Kermit the fingers of the frog!
28. What do you get when you jingle santa balloons? A white Christmas!
29. Why is diarrhea hereditary? He runs in your genes!
30. A penguin takes his car at the shop and the mechanic says it will take an hour about an hour to check it. While waiting, the penguin goes in an ice cream store and orders a big sundae to spend the time. The penguin is not the netest eatery, and it ends covered with melted ice cream. When he returns to the store, the mechanic keeps a glance and said, "It looks like you have blown a seal." "No," The Penguin insists, "It's just ice."
31. What does one play buttical to another? Together we can stop this shit.
32. A man and a woman started having sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I'd like to have a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you have eaten grass for ten minutes!"
33. What do you get when crossing a dick with a potato? A dictator!
34. How is sex like a bridge game? If you have a big hand, you do not need a partner.

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Best sales jokes

35. My neighbor has been angry with his naked sunbathing wife. Personally, I'm on the fence.
36. How do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Bait.
37. How can you tell if your husband died? Sex is the same, but you must use the remote control.
38. "I prefer to pass the pain of childbirth again than to let you drill in my mouth," said the woman to her dentist. He replied, "Well, please decline so I can adjust my chair."
39. Why did the squirrel swam on the back? Keep his nuts dry.
40. What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks at the genealogy tree, a gynecologist looks at the bush of the family.
41. Why can not you hear rabbits make love? Because they have cotton balls.
42. If your uncle Jack was on his roof and wanted you to help him down, would you like to help your uncle Jack Off?
43. What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
44. What is the lant of Pinocchio telling him? "Liege me! Lie me!"
45. Dear Nasa: your mother thought I was big enough.-Pluto
46. What is the difference between a pickpocket and a Tom Peeping? We tear your watch. The other looks at your snatch.
47. A guy is sitting at the doctor. The doctor walks and says, "I have bad news. I'm afraid you should stop masturbating." "I do not understand, Doc," says the patient. "Why?" "Because," says the doctor. "I'm trying to look at you."
48. What is a myopic gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
49. How do you make your girlfriend screaming during sex? Call him and talk about it.
50. Why does Dr. Pepup come to a bottle? Because his wife is dead!
51. What is the difference between hungry and excited? Where you stick the cucumber.
52. Why is there not a pregnant barbie doll? Ken came into another box.
53. What's going hard and dry, but leaves soft and wet? Gum!
54. What is the job application process at HOOTERS? They just give you a bra and say: "Here, fill this."
55. What are the three shorter words of the English language? "Is it in?"
56. How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloque.
57. What is the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone is always ready to blow your bonus.
58. What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Taste!
59. What is the base on an out of business brothel? Bat. We are closed.
60. The conduct of a family behind a garbage truck when a dildo flew and strikes the windshield. Embarrassed and trying to spare the innocence of her young son, the mother turns around and says, "Do not worry, darling. It was just an insect." "Wow," the boy answers. "I'm surprised that it can come out of the ground with a cock like that!"
61. What does a Saggy Boob say to the other Saggy Boob? "If we do not get support, people will think we're walnut."
62. What is the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: they are no longer so thick and insensitive.
63. What is the difference between a G place and a golf ball? A guy will actually look for a golf ball!
64. Why does it take 100 million spermatozoa to fertilize an egg? Because they will not cease to ask for directions.
65. How to embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used buffer and ask him what period she came from.
66. What does the receptionist in a sperm bank said, while customers leave? "Thanks for coming!"
67. How do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A happy-himself.
68. What is long and hard and full of cum? A submarine!