Good Lifestyle

It is the human nature to want to soften the blow on someone if you give them a rejection. You know: "Sorry, but I do not see you as a friend," Where "Sorry, but I was made an offer that I can not refuse, ", etc. but, according to a new fascinatingto study, closing on this "sorry" obligation, you make things worse for them and worse for you in the long run. In short: you would be better not to apologize.

Research published inBorders in psychology, noted that apology to simply put the guilt limit on the recipient. "Our research discovers that despite their good intentions, people go there in the wrong way," saysDr. Gili Freedman, PhD, the main author of the study. "They often apologize, but it makes [just] that people feel worse and that they must forgive the rejection before they are ready."

In other words, although you apologized and afterwards, you will feel better about yourself, the other person is forced to tackle how to handle your apologies.

Freedman and his team in Dartmouth wrote 1,000 people to offer a "good way to say no" to a "social demand". About 40% of respondents included excuses. Freedman then showed these 40% a variety of rejection notes; People who have received notes with explicit excuses have reported higher levels of disappointment. In a follow-up test, Freedman took a page of the famousStanford Prison Experience and turned his subjects on each other by having rejected the people of the hot sauce to their rejection - all the timeawareness The hot sauce Abhorger of rejection. (Freedman has no comment on if revenge is better cold or hot.) Finedman asked participants to see different social rejection videos. Among those who have considered clips with excuses, the participants agreed that the damaged person would speak only forgiveness of a sense of obligation, and not some sense of authentic forgiveness.

The research comes down to the simple observation that excludes more for the person who said "sorry" that the person who heard him. And in some degree, hey, there is nothing wrong with that.

Let's put it like this: you have been manufactured this offer that you can not refuse. You inform your boss of the situation, Replify with this required "sorry". Chances are, your boss will offer some iteration of,"Oh, I'm good" Because that's what the social contract dictates. But deep down, the search for your boss, your boss consists of feelings of resentment and not to find it."Okay."

"It is possible that the discards can feel better about themselves if they apologize," says Freedman, but notes that more research must be done to determine the always persistent question:Why. "We intend to consider when the discards are motivated to feel better about themselves and when they prefer to place the needs of rejection forward."

Sorry.

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