20 ways of being one (a lot) best father
A good father must be part of the coach and the cop, the preacher and the teacher, the friend and the enemy.
The 18-year-old task of a child of birth in adulthood is one of the most noble trips of man - and the biggest challenges. For a moment, you determine how to build a cradle and plastic toys, and in a blink, you circiped on the dangers of fireball planes.
This makes the most complicated paternity is not only the constant dam of decisions, pressures and circumstances that require your attention. ("No, Madame Main, I'm not aware that Bart sketches Greek statues of naked men and women in his manual during class.") It is that each family is an experience involving so many variables.
Every child is different, as well as any father. You have sports dads and artssy fathers. Serious dads and clover dads. Hard dads and pusher fathers. Meaning: what you may think maybe, it's the best for your child because of whomyou may not really have the case because of whomthey or they are.
A good father must be part of the coach and the cop, the preacher and the teacher, the friend and the enemy. And he must walk on this tiger with two goals in mind: one, helps to create a child of dynamite. And two, develop a relationship that will last much longer than the 6,574 days of their childhood. So the question becomes: how will you browse all the delicate terrain that comes with parenthood, discipline, teaching and liaison to make the best for your children in the long run, while ensuring that you find yourself Good side of their memories, and not the "it was one if a sting"?
It is not a question of making changes of 180 degrees in parental philosophy or in personality traits. It's about doing little things - things that teach them, which diverges them, who challenge them and show them that you give two hoots. After all, the spirit of a child is a big game of Connect-The-Dots. Each point you put in their memory is what forms the big picture.
"These are the little moments that mean the most. Children do not need big Flashy experiences," saysCatherine Pearlman, Ph.D., Assistant Professor at the University of Brandman in California and author of the parental book,Ignore!"They need deep relationships with attentive adults." The best way to do it, she says: with your time. When children feel like Dad pays attention, it's at that time that the best crawling happens.
Here, 20 small ways to make a big difference. And for more paternity, take advice of these11 main men who have happily embraced parenting later in life.
1 To close. This. Deactivated.
According to the Pew Research Center, 48% of fathers say they spend too little time with their children. This is all the more reason to resist your control habit-your phone when you are with them. "The dads almost never swallow their phones," says Pearlman. "Even brief breaks pay enormous dividends." When you are engaged with your children, fosse your device, so your children receive the message that your eyes and minds are with them and not with whatNot a word. Watt is tweeting. And for advice on setting up the phone, check the11 easy ways to curb your dependence on the smartphone.
2 Talk a lot when they are little
Talk strong, talk, talk to them, read them books. Even when they are age when they will have no idea what "hmm, we are out of mustard" means it's good for their brain so that you say it strong, rather than thinking about that . Ato study found that the vocabulary of a father had a stronger effect on the development of a child's language than that of a mother. And for more ways to be a better father, check the5 ways to make a much more awesome family dinner.
3 Use the Crib-Cry rule - even when they are teenagers
Many parents advocate to let babies cry in their cradles - to help you soothe and learn to fall asleep. This same philosophy works with older children (without crying and without cribs). When your child gets angry with you ("Dad, you are the only one not to let me wear torn jeans!"), Your inclination can be to embark on a verbal battle of rights and wrongs. The best room? Move away for a moment.
"If I'm frustrated, I leave the room a few minutes. It allows me to group and go back," saysJason Greene, founder of a good dad. "Men in particular want to be defensive, intensify the plate and start swinging. But if you go out of the dough box and calm down, you can better try to repair things." In addition to the specific situation, it also pays other dividends. A British study revealed to be a calm father is linked to having smarter children. And if your smallest stress you, check these10 Secrets to beat stress in 10 minutes (or less!).
4 Create "Your" game
One day, Greene took his son to play work on football exercises in an urban handball court. They passed the ball around, but he evolved in both of them playing handball rules with a football bullet. This game started biologically, but is now a tradition that is theirs and only theirs.
5 Engage, Maverick, commit yourself!
From the day one, embrace everything that comes with paternity-layers, debates, decisions, duties of diarrhea, all that. ABritish study found that when men were confident of their role in parenting, especially their role as a father in the early years - who led to less behavioral problems like adolescents. And if you are looking for ways to be a better husband, memorize the20 compliments that women can not resist.
6 Do not interfere with the work
Although it's good to share working conflicts with your partner, think about what's going on if each family dinner is composed of complaining of Knucklehead executives. You show your children that work is something to despise. But if you can talk about what you like about you do it, you teach them of doing what you finally want them to do - to pursue a career that is passionate about. And for more career advice, see these52 easy ways to be better with money in 2018.
7 There is a time for "no rule"
Unlike most aspects of our lives where we expect a winner and loser (sport, politics), playing with your young children does not always have to have a result. So no, you do not always need to keep the score. It means more playgrounds, more hikes and other games to make games. Ato study Shows that fathers who play with their children in this way must face fewer behavioral problems on the line.
8 Do more household tasks
To be diligent on the cleaning of the peanut butter of the spoon before putting it in the dishwasher consists in having a fair distribution of household tasks. The fact that you do the laundry, clean toilets, have dinner and know exactly where the Lysol is stored communicating something bigger. ACanadian Study found that girls grow up with more important career aspirations when fathers share work more around the house. And remember: pronounce the phrase "I'm on the rope" is one of the20 things she always wants you to say.
9 The tradition wins over grandiose
Children will remember a lot of growing up. Preferred teachers, first pets, the time you embarrassed them by wearing fangs at a parent-teacher conference. But they will also remember actions that have become traditions. One of my friends takes his son in the house of waffles before school the firstFriday of the month. Another friend chooses a year a year, at random, when he makes a bad tour on the way to school and plays hanging in the amusement park.
10 Follow these rules
Expose them to a variety of early food unless one of these foods is a fanta raisin. Debit them at $ 5 SOMTIMES just because, unless you suspect that it will become beer money. Embrace the power of puppies unless you already have three. Always have a replacement phone charger by hand, unless they are already lost or broken three of them. Dance with them - unless you are a chaperone for their ball ball. *
* Do not be a chaperone for their ball ball
11 The closure
The world's most toxic environment, in addition to #PoliticalTwitter: the touch of a sports event of young people. It is mainly because there is a subset of parents who think their mission at that time does the stands with advice, instructions and ump-hating snipes. The best thing you can do - as strong as it is - is to let the coach coach and the REFR ref.And the kids play. "Children are now looking at the fertilizer for feedback instead of focusing on coaches and play," Pearlman said. The result: they feel micromanated and criticized, she said, when they thought they were supposed to do something pleasure. In efforts to make them better in sports, the parental crisis is the exact thing that grows them.
12 Put them to work early
You want to prepare them for the responsibilities of life? (Hoche your head yes.) Put them in the kitchen. Even 2-year-old children can help move the scrambled eggs. "It was important for my wife and me so that our children learn to cook; we read that the millennia come out of the house and do not know how to cook," says Greene, who has four children (the oldest of them and Just have spaghetti dinner for the family).
13 Exploit the power of their phones
Children and their phones. They have so much access to everything. Instead of being paranoid about them to be exposed to the horrors of the world, do what one of my friends does: use sensitive moments that they will see on social media as points of discussion on the race, Violence, harassment, politics, anything. After all, if you made the decision to be old enough for a smartphone, you made the decision to have enough old to see everything that might appear.
14 Ask more, decide less
Dad is the default decision-maker in terms of game time. But instead of saying, "Do you want to play H-O-R-S-E?" Try this: "What do you want to do?" Pearlman says, "Papas often dictate the terms of play. Time together is even more meaningful when the dads play what the child wants."
15 Adapt your discipline
Some people think that your style of discipline must be consistent all the time. But some research indicates that you should be more foldable - adjust the way you react to behavior, not to the mandated household rules. aOKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY STUDY has shown that sometimes children need punishment while other times that negotiation leads to a better result. (Of course, the key is to be on the same page with the other adult of your household before coming out of disciplinary decisions.)
16 Rock on stupid faces
When fathers are jokers, they are often dismissed as not taking family life seriously, nor to avoid real problems, or just try to make peace rather than solving problems. But studies show that dads who can make young children laugh, even during stressful times, actually benefit from their emotional development.
17 Take them to a place where no one speaks your language
Greene says he likes to take the family to non-English-speaking countries because he helps them develop other independence skills because they must try to order food transport systems or navigate (provided that Parents concern them in action, that he and his wife does). One of his favorite stories: in a bus to Barcelona, everyone got up, but the family separated because it was so cluttered.
By far, Greene saw his son, at the time, get out of his seat and offer a place to an elderly woman. She talked about broken English and he spoke Spanish broken. He took time for the woman to understand what he was doing. When she realized, both started to converse the best they could. "It was a very nice moment between two people who have nothing in common," Greene said. The lesson for children: "You can handle anything about anything after being in a strange place," he says. "Things do not seem so big when you come home." And to help you or your child speaks a second language commonly, discoverThe secret turn to quickly learn a new language.
18 "Next to" equal "talking with"
Greene spends quality time with his children in activities side by side: play video games with his son and have a mani-pedi with his daughter. He says the two situations, he says, gives them a relaxed and easy way to talk. "It will be good memories for us two spending time together out of the nails, sitting and talking for 30 minutes about everything that is in mind."
19 Use various teaching tools
Many fathers want to convey their wisdom by giving rights tips: do it because that's what works. That's all good, but you can be more efficient but change your styles professional-donor tips do. Preachers tell stories and let the public think about meaning. Teachers ask questions to enable students to find the answer themselves. All advice should not come aloud and directly from Father All-Caps.
20 Think a second on the final game
All the decisions you bring will be welcome. You will not always be loved. And sometimes you will have more conflict thanRoger Goodell's Mailbox. But in the end, no matter what you are going through, you want your children to undress well - and know that you care. So, maybe when things become difficult, it would help rethink a quote from the popular paternity that appears in the book,The book thief throughMarkus Zusak: "Sometimes I think my dad is an accordion. When he looks at me and smiles and breathes, I hear the notes." Which, in the end, is probably how we would like all our children to feel. And to seriously go up your game of dad, make sure to learn theBest way to raise emotionally healthy children.
Spiker Ted(@Profspik)is Professor and President of the Ministry of Journalism at the University of Florida.
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