20 things you should never tell someone who beats cancer
"Oh, I know someone who died!"
According toAmerican Cancer Societyabout one of the Americans in threedevelop cancer at some point in their lives. And even for those who never bathe personally, with ever-increasing cancer rates in the world, it is likely that at some point you will know someone who is. Unfortunately, even for the most emotionally experienced individuals, it's often difficult to know what to say toSomeone loves war against the disease. For each declaration of edification, a person addressed to a cancer of the adove, there is a just as insensitive to pronounce, which makes an already difficult situation.
"When communicating with anyone who suffering, especially with cancer, it's important to be there for the other person. It means being concerned with worker and see what you can do to help you or support it. Is it generally not useful to do is to concise or offer unsolicited advice, "says therapist Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, co-founder of theMarriage Restoration Project. "These are basic rules to be a good listener. They surely apply when you try to be there for someone who runs through such a difficult period in their lives."
If you want to show your support without accidentally putting your foot in your mouth, be sure to avoid these things you should never tell someone who fight cancer.
1 "You should try this diet that I read."
As you could do it with the best intentions, try to give someone advice on how to treat their cancer, especially if you have never found yourself in their position - is generally not recommended. Your methods do not only interfere with the interventions that their existing treatment team has already occurred, these comments well-intentioned onschemes, Yoga and Cryotherapy also transform the conversation on their care in one on your feelings.
"It is not usually wise to offer advice or challenge their medical decisions. If they get chemotherapy, do not tell them how dangerous it is and that they should try natural treatments or that you Have a doctor that they could go about it could help. Similarly, if they went to the natural road, do not advise them to get chemotherapy and radiation, "says Slatkin.
2 "I know what you're feeling."
Caring for someone who is sick may seem like a good idea, but in the long run, this can significantly reduce the feeling and experience of the sick person. Even if you had the same kind of cancer and you received the same treatment, no two experiences with the disease is the same.
"If you know other people with cancer, do not say," Well, I know what it's like to get that because my friend or family has also had cancer. "Even if you try to tell and help, it's usually not helpful because for the patient, because no one really understands the pain they feel," says Slatkin.
3 "I know someone who died of that."
Although it is rarely a good idea to do so, many friends and family members of these cancer struggles are trying to commise by sharing stories - not even always positive. Tell someone to cope with cancer on the people you know who did not survive their particular disease will only feel worse - and more frightened - in the long run.
4 "No chemotherapy? Lucky you!"
There are few things about the diagnosis of cancer that most people consider "lucky". Although it can cut a source of concern of a person's life if they do not have to undergo chemotherapy, radiation and surgery are not exactly a walk in the park. And considering that many cancers reproduce, just because they will skip the chemo this time does not mean that it will not become a necessity at some point.
5 "You're not used to smoking?
Are there habits, like smoking or excessive consumption, which can contribute to a person's cancer risk? Absoutely. However, if you try to be a favorable friend, it's not your place to bring these "and so" if ". After all, correlation and causality are not one and the same, and even s' It is clear that a specific habit could be linked to cancer of a person, there is no good reason to pure an already sick person, or as their condition is their fault.
6 "Everything happens for a reason."
As you really believe that everything is going for a reason, but say that the cancer patient lacks compassion, to say the least. This means that this suggests that there is a lesson to learn to become sick, when, in many cases, it's just not the truth. As difficult as it might be to accept that everything was going to go, it's important to try not to rationalize the disease: "Be ready to sit in these feelings with them - you do not have to to fix!" therapistErika Miley, M.ED, LMHC. "Be right there with them."
7 "Tons of people survive this type of cancer these days."
Fortunately, it is true that the chances of beating cancer are better than ever. In reality,Survivability of cancer increased by 13% between 2004 and 2013 only. However, just because you think your friend has a good chance of surviving, it does not necessarily mean true - and tell them so diminish their feelings about their diagnosis.
8 "Look at how skinny you are!"
Although it may seem like a compliment to comment on the positive parts of a person's cancer treatment, mentioning things like their sudden weight loss is an extremely insensitive choice. After all, they did not lose voluntarily weight and these books they paid are probably the result of the disease itself or incredibly difficult treatment than your near crosses.
9 "It really made me think of my own mortality."
Discover your friend or family member has been diagnosed with cancer can surely help you think about your own mortality and even achoring a desire to start consulting some of theseBucket list elements. That said, when you express these thoughts to someone who is sick is a clear sign that you are fighting on your own feelings, when the focus should stay between them.
10 "Are you worried about what your body will look after?"
Of course, many cancer patients may have concerns about the loss of their breasts or internal organs, the surgical scars they could do sport after the removal of the tumor or any medical device they will have to live in A predictable future. However, when you ask someone to fight cancer on their concerns about their physical appearance, you do not know that their experience goes well beyond the aesthetics and that their appearance is probably the least of their concerns about Major surgery, radiation or chemo.
11 "We are here together."
It's undeniably nice to feel like someone has your back when you spend a major medical problem. However, telling a loved one that you are there together feels sick, at best all, after all,they are He who gets a treatment, dealing with the pain of their illness and, in many cases, the only test the very real fear that has just wondered what the rest of their lives would look like.
12 "Are you going to wear a wig?"
First, all types of cancer treatment - and this includes many forms of chemotherapy-causehair loss. In addition, with a focus on hair loss or what a cancer patient could do about it, minimizes what they are going through focusing only on aesthetics.
13 "You are so strong. You're fine."
Is it comforting to hear that people think you are strong to fight cancer? Sure. However, all cancer patients do not want to feel as if everyone expects them to keep a brave face at any time - sometimes they will simply want to express their fears and frustrations. And if you think that the personal strength and the survivability of cancer have a lot to see with each other, what do you say about all people who do not do it?
14 "At least you do not have to go to work!"
Any excuse to pause yourstressful work May you look great, but remember: be treated for cancer is not a vacation. Even if it seems that all your friend or family member is going to bed and receive visitors, there is a lot of hard backstage work - and in most cases it'smanner more difficult than day work.
15 "Get cancer is my biggest fear."
The thought of getting cancer can be a horrible perspective for you, but that does not mean that you should share these feelings with someone who really crosses it. After all, "your life is my greatest fear" his support for your support? "Usually, fear is where does it come from insensitive answers," says Miley. "It's good to be afraid, but here's the thing: it's your job to calm your body and take control of this fear. It's not the work of the person who has just given you this information . "
16 "You must think positive."
The power ofPositive thinking is undeniable, But that does not mean that watching the brilliant side can cure everything that has you. In fact, according to a study published in theAnnals of behavioral medicine, There is no close link between positive thinking and the positive results of cancer treatment, so if optimism is an absolute priority, make sure you focus on yours and yours alone. "Do not interrupt with any advice unless you are actually connected to an expert from this type of cancer or illness," says Miley.
17 "I do not want to talk about me. Let's talk about you."
It's always a good idea to lend your ear to a friend who deals with a serious health problem. That said, it does not necessarily mean that your friend is impatient to speak only of themselves. Considering that many cancer patients spend most of their time exceeding an appointment and the doctor's bed, it's sometimes nice to have a distraction. If your friend with cancer says they want to hear about your life, suppose it's more than the lip service and do not hesitate to open.
18 "You simply focus on improving."
Cancer patients are only people treated for a disease; They should not be social paria. While someone treated for cancer may not have the energy nor the desire to go out every night of the week, do not assume that their only goal is their treatment. If you go out with friends, do not be shy about your friend's invitation fighting cancer - in fact, it could make their day.
19 "It must really put things in perspective."
While having cancerstrength Fully change the perspective of a person on life, do not expect what he would necessarily do it. Expect people to have a kind of epiphany simply because they have patients, there is excessive pressure to have a kind of spiritual awakening, when, in many cases, all they want Really doing, it's getting better.
20 "Let me know if I can help."
It may seem like a nice thing to tell someone who deals with a serious illness, but it can congratulate them more than it helps. Ask an amorphous question like this, especially when someone is seriously ill, means that you ask them to start to boost tasks, when they are probably quite busy. Instead, help them simply: bring them food, give them a gift certificate for a cleaning service of the house or offer them from your pet services; A small initiative will go a long way.