Good Lifestyle

I am 29 years old, and while many accounts, I have what is considered an incredible life, the scourge of my existence is that I do not know how to be single. When my father asks me how I do the way I do, I'm talking about the great job I have, my incredible apartment, my scintillating social life, my exciting trips, and he listens carefully before reacting finally: "OK But why can not you find yourself a man? "

I try to explain that times have changed since the days of the Soviet Union and that being single today is not a sign that you are a social parian. I have a wonderful life on mine, so it's not worth it to marry Vanya the village's idiot just to follow appearances. But when I'm in bars with my friends, most of them are as single, we secretly wonder if there is something wrong with us. And all the advice you get from Smug's married couples do not help you either. Half of them tell you that you have to "go out more" and "try stronger" and the other half tells you that you have to "stop trying" because "you always meet someone when you are looking for Not, "let you even even more confused and frustrated than you had to start with.

And all the items on the Internet tell you that being single is oh-so-awesome feel like a pack of lies. So, what follows certain rules that I built, many of which are based on in-depth research, which really helped me in a Singledom instead of consulting it as a dysfunction of the personality. So read and feel that your solo spirits are increasing. And for more incredible advice on the subject, make sure you know the20 signs you are afraid of being alone.

Yes, you are alone, but you are not alone in being alone. In fact, you are part of a well-documented tendency. The average age of marriage is now 27.1 for women and 29.2 for men, ranging from 20.3 and 22.8 in 1950. And the approach of marriage between the millennium is very different from that of baby boomers .

In previous generations, marriage was the first step in adulthood. Today, many people consider it the last time sociologists refer to today's obligations as "Capstone's marriages" - the last brick you've entrusted to a successful life, the one you place Once all your other business are in order. And even those who are in relationships await much longer than baby boomers to be arrested. For more things about that, checkThis is how long today's average couple dates before getting married.

Wedding rates in the United States have struck a historic low, a fact that worries a lot of social psychologists, sinceMarriage has been proven to have a variety of economic and health benefits. A 2014 study by the PEW Research Center predicted that at least25% of the millennia will remain single forever forever. So when your grandmother grates you to be single, you can tell him that moments have changed and that studies indicate that at present, today's adults have reached their 50 years, a In four will never have been married. Which means that, at the very least, there will be no more social stigma.

Then you may want to try to convince grandmother that being single is not as terrible as it sounds. One of the main reasons why so many millennia delay serious relationships is that the presence of women in the labor force has increased considerably in recent decades.

In 1950, only 33.9% of women worked outside the house; Now, this figure exceeds 57% and should continue to increase. The movements to close the gender remuneration gap, which become closer in recent decades, go strong. Back in the day, many women had to get married, whether or not they wanted, just to afford a pleasant life. Now, women have many more options and financial independence is something that everyone can be on board.

Student loan refinancing companyComet recently requested 364 Millennials Why were they not in relationships and 40% replied that it was because they focused on their career. This could be a difficult concept for many older generations, but there is an unequivocal advantage to focus on your work without the unavoidable interruptions and bonds of having to feed a baby at 4 o'clock in the morning and trying to convince your Spouse who sells home and move to Hong Kong for a year is a good idea.

Many Millennials View were unobstructed as a sign that you are a loser, but as a unique opportunity to do your own thing before engaging pretty much to someone else.

"You can go having an experience of your choice, whenever you want, and do not have to worry about what someone else wants", psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinezstir about the benefits of being single. "It's the moment to travel alone, to take a class just for the pleasure, to do as many activities as you wish, because you will not always have the chance to just take and do what you feel."

For many, this attitude is proof that the millennia are selfish, too individualistic and entitled. But when Ansari Aziz interrogated the elderly who had married very young in his book in Bestre,Modern romance, many of them - especially women - said they wanted to have been able to take more risks and understand who they are really before settling. So, maybe this attitude is not selfish so much as an attempt to correct the errors that our grandparents feel made. For more things about that, check,It's the biggest regret in life most people have.

Many social psychologists pose the theory of reason that the millennials are so disillusioned with the marriage institute, because the divorce rates culminated in the early 1980s, which means that, unlike the baby boomers, a lot of Today's adults have grown to understand the devastation that comes when things are not working.

The life of those whose parents have remained together were probably not a picnic, for many of us know what it is to grow in a household resembling a perpetual war zone. Being single can be hard and lonely, but for many, it beats protruding in an endless cycle of arguments on which is supposed to do the dishes. In addition, we have seen how to marry someone you knew was wrong that you start starting with can end the tragedy. For a personal testimony about it, read howI cheated on my spouse. This is what I would like to have known in advance.

WhenI went to Yale's happiness course, I already knew that earning a lot of money does not make you happy. But I was surprised to know that the search for "the one" does not do it, either at least not for the long term. Studies have found that couples who get married are happier than unmarried people during their honeymoon periods, but often return to the base after the first 18 months of marriage.

It's something I've seen to hold with my married friends, many of whom listen to me to complain about being single before reminding me exasperating that they are not happier than me, they just have a set different problems to deal with. Chris Rock has a good joke about it, in which he says that "you are married and bored, or single and solitary. Is not happiness anywhere." It is good to remind you that life is not a Disney movie and what to get married does not end in a will happily never after.

In the comet cited study earlier, the overwhelming reasons that the millennia gave not to be in relationships were that they were "difficult" or "did not find someone they liked enough to date. " This amounts to the basic truth, saved by scientific studies, that millennia simply have much higher expectations for the relationships than previous generations. Ansari explored him widely in modern romance, saying that many baby boomers just wanted to marry someone who was kind and seemed to make a life partner of life. Today's adults, on the other hand, want someone, they really believe their "soulmate", which is much more difficult to find.

Many older adults consider this as proof that the millennia are simply too demanding, and maybe they are right. But here is another theory: While many people think that the wedding rate is a sign that the millennia do not take serious marriage, some psychologists argue that this demographic actually takes marriage more seriously, so They want to wait for someone they think it's really one to shout the knot. Whether or not an effective strategy is something that only time will say. Maybe the next generation will marry earlier, as a kind of counter-revolving move, while shouting, "I do not want to finish like you, Mom!" Or perhaps, just maybe this approach will pay, and we will all end up much happier than those of our parents.

Do you even want to get married? Like, really want to? Or do you simply feel pressure on society? This question comes back a lot for me, especially in therapy. All qualified professionals I have about the staff tell me that if I really wanted to be in a relationship, I would already be in one. After all, it is so difficult to analyze our most internal desire of things that society tells us that we should want. And what people do in practice are often a greater indication of their subercient desires than they say in theory. Everyone complains about their lives, but the truth is that most people have the lives they secretly want. So ask yourself: "Am I really, in my heart of heart, I want to be in a relationship? Or I just think I was doing?" Anyway, view your unique status as a choice, rather than a prison phrase hoisted by you by an unfair world, can offer major benefits to your mental health.

I arrived with a little tour that really helps me when I feel glum to be single. I imagine, say, five years, married to a man I believe is my soulmate, cuddly together in a hammock reading our respective books. And I imagine how this person will think it was so stupid about me for having spent so many years suffering and fighting for not being in a relationship instead of enjoying freedom and excitement to My disposition.

I do not even speak of positive affirmation or visualize the life you want for that to happen, although many people swear that. I say that watching your current life from the point of view of a future that has everything you want right now could you understand how much you do.

Maybe you read all this and are you, like my father, still think: "Okay, it's great, but I still really want someone."

One way to cancel your loneliness that is clearly in your control is to get a pet, what studies have proven helps to reduce stress and provide emotional support, which are two of the main benefits to being in good relations. The moment I had my dog ​​was also the moment I stopped getting into toxic relationships, because I did not feel the need to go out with just so that I had a hot body for Fuck or someone watching TV with a Friday night. In fact, I found many things that I wanted a man-someone who loves you unconditionally that will also protect you and will offer a constant camaraderie - my dog. For more details on why it's a good idea, check15 amazing advantages of adopting a pet.

The paradox of modern encounters culture is that there have never been so many different ways of meeting someone, and yet, there are more single people than ever before, so the dating of coaching is A business also booming. Many people feel that the online meeting has actually made the meeting of someone special and right.

In his book from 2010 November 2010,The art of choosingBusiness Professor Sheena Lyengar showed that, while we think we have tons of options as an intrinsically good thing, research shows that when people have too many options, they are statistically less than making a decision of the all. Online meetings are perfect for this theory because it creates the illusion of an unlimited number of options and thus makes people less likely to commit everyone.

That's why so many meeting coaches advise their clients to stop expecting to fall in love as a result and take the time to make a person know. Many of us write people too quickly. "Why make a second date with someone I had an hour agree with, when I can go to the first appointment with this girl, I just match with who seems super great" we think of ourselves, without realizing that this mentality mainly condemns us with an endless cycle of the first dates.

Some people take time to open up and sometimes to be excited about someone you just met is just a sign that things will burn quickly. That's why meeting coaches suggest having at least three dates with someone before deciding if there is a potential out there. And for more good expert advice, check whyI hired an online dating coach and that's what I learned.

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