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After 18 years of assembling school projects, the cleaning pencil marks the walls and applying curfews, many parents find themselves counts until theirChildren embark on their own adult life. However, what many learns once their children fly the Cooper is that things are not always as roses they imagined. Mental health problems with retirement misfortunes, read it to discover the disadvantages of being an empty deny.

Having your children Leaving the house is an undeniably changing change - and, as the case of any major change, fear may not be far behind. "You are afraid because the person or the people you have used in your life are gone," says marriage and family therapistPatrick Tully.

"The good news is that you are not alone," he says. "It's scary to have a significant change. It's hard emotionally for years, we have had children in the house and put our lives with this dynamic. But remember that this feeling of fear is temporary."

Without your children motivating you, you can find that yourdaily activities Feel like a serious slog. "Many people are feeling empty day after day, because they have become accustomed to talking to their children or doing activities that involve them in a certain way," says Tully.

"Many women adopt the primary identity of" mother "or" nourishes "and often feel lost or without purpose when their children grow up and come out of the house," said the authorized marriage and family therapist and a certified professional advisorDeean.

His suggestion? "During this change, it is important that these women explore their passions and their interests and define what they want to have their impact in the world and how they want to remember by the people around them."

You can like to know that your children have become adults capable under your advice - but there may be a feeling of loss out there if you do not want to be necessary in the same way.

"[Parents] whose children are grown and successful should be very proud, but there is also grief too," says the psychotherapistTina B. Ticina, Ph.D., author ofThe ten smarter decisions a woman can do after forty. "They have to cry the loss of dependent children and consider their children again like other adults."

While you probably had lessto sleep and ate more microwave meals while your kids were still under your roof, having an empty nest could actuallymake you less healthy. According to a 2017 research review of 2017Soepapers on multidisciplinary research on panel data51% of empty breeders considered satisfactory or less satisfactory health, compared with only 40% of non-empty breeders.

You think you will have a ton of time and incentive - to hit the gym and make healthy meals when your kids are out of the house? Still think. According to a 2016 empty nest report ofAarpWhile 25% of empty loosers soon empty said they intended to lose weight, only 7% were able to do so.

While many empty nests can see each otherCarrier After their children left home, do this movement is easier said than to do. According to the AARP survey, while 9% of the empty nochers surveyed stated that they intended to change careers.

While you might assume that yourRelationship with your spousewill improve without the stress of children at home, it's not always the case. On the contrary, it is rather banal for couples to undergo pressure on their relationship because the problems previously hidden under the surface are put in light.

"I see empty nest couples fight with their relationships and often divorce at this stage of life," says Certified Divorce CoachAngela Ianuale Shanmane. "The relationship is now facing a new dynamic of two people instead of all family custies and distractions. If there is no solid foundation and clear communication, many times a person is unsatisfied and that resentment begins to build. "

Although it may seem likeCheating Would be a more common occurrence among younger, empty nests have in fact surprisingly high infidelity rates. On aAshley Madison survey, a website for people looking for questions, 50% of the unfaithful spouses interviewed reported that they joined the site after one of their children left home.

For parents, child breeding is a huge incentive to stay together. Therefore, when the last child steals the cooperative, many couples find that they must re-evaluate their relationship - or their riskDivorce.

"A surprising number of divided couples Shortly after their last child went to college," said Family Lawyer in CaliforniaJulian Fox. "In reality,divorced The rates are generally broken down, but grow up in people over 55 years old. Ashave a baby Change your relationship, that these "babies" advance will also change the dynamics. "

The structure associated with your children's schedules has kept you busy throughout the day and connections with other parents have come easily. But when your children left home, you may have the impression of having lost a major component of your social life overnight. "Problems [that] can host empty nests are a lack of object and [less] connections," says the therapist under licenseDarlene Corbett.

However, trying to find new friendships and pursue newhobby can help mitigate some of these feelings in no time.

Although some people acted like having an empty nest will undoubtedly be a net positive, the reality is that many parents find themselves seriously the difficulties once their children have moved away.

"If the mother was too attached and overpright, for example that the mother would feel an emotional void that is very painful," saysDr. Fran Walfish, a family Beverly Hills and relational psychotherapist, author ofThe parent's parentand psychologist of a regular expert child onThe doctorsand CBS.

You should celebrate the fact that you have raised a human being who made him to adulthood in one piece, but you feel worse for yourself because of this - which gives?

"Loving is the result of our perception of real success. While parents put so much time and energy in their children, they often define themselves by the success of their children, "explains the approved psychologistDr. Tamar Blank, Psy.d. "When children grow up and leave the house, it can be difficult for a parent to redefine the way they consider their own success and to consider themselves."

For some parents, without suddenly having only their children at home make them re-evaluate and scrutinizing their actions, as long as they become hung up withguilt on how they once treated their children. "If the [parent] was critical with ashort fuse temperament, [they] could feel guilty and unresolved when their [child] leaves, "says Walfish.

According to the above-mentioned German study, while more than 17% of pre-empty breeders have evaluated their happiness at 9 or 10 out of 10, less than 11% of empty nests reported the same thing.

This may be more than a case of boredom, you are saddling when your children leave the house. According to a transversal study of 2017 published inBMJ Open, rural empty nesting had moreSevere loneliness and depression that those whose children had not left home yet.

You and your spouse may have had seemingly infinite discussions onHow would you pick up your retirement Once the kids left home, but once you're an empty Nutt, you could discover that you are no longer on the same page.

"You may have already dreamed of retirement, but your dream can be your spouse's nightmare," says a Certified Clinical Professional Advisor and a Certified Imago Relationship therapistRabbi shlomo slatkin, co-founder of theMarriage Restoration Project. "After years of hard work, you may want to pass your tranquil retirement, sleep at the end of reading cards with your friends orwatch television. Your spouse may have impatiently waiting when he / she can finally focus on time on the hobbies and community service. When these visions are in conflict, the tension can occur. "

With any child to take care of you, you and your spouse, you can discover that you take toes each other by taking on new roles at home.

"What happens when your husband begins to take over your kitchen? And if your wife decides that she will handle finances?" Ask Slatkin, who says that empty breeders, especially those who retired - can be confused by their new roles at home.

"This is especially the case if a spouse was used to be the supplier and now shares a house under the domination of the other spouse. Who is the boss? Are the responsibilities now shared? There may be hope That if a spouse suddenly he now has time on their hands that he / she should further go beyond the burden of household chores. Know that he can take time to the transition in an optimal configuration for the two parties involved. "

TheUSDA Reports that the average cost of raising a child until the age of 17 is $ 233,610 - with 29% of this budget spent in housing. But your costs are unlikely to decrease considerably when your children leave the house. On the contrary, according to aTapestry segmentation Report, adults whose children had left the house spent 9%Following on the home than the average American.

Although you may not have to buy bags of bulk snacks to follow your hungry teenagers, yourdietary budget May not reduce considerably, either. According to the tapestry segmentation report, the empty nests of the middle class have spent 8% more on the food than the average American.

As a young parent, you have probably imagined tons of money for a holiday home once you did not have to spend money on things like toys and school supplies. However, for many empty nests, it turns out to be more than a dream than a reality. According to a 2015 study conducted by theRetirement Research Center in Boston College, net empty households have increased only their401 (k) Savings From 0.3 to 0.7% when their children left at home - and more difficult to buy a steak dinner every month, not to mention a beach house in Boca Raton.

Not only yoursavings accountBarely growing after your children move, but you could also find you more than you did it only when your kids were at home. According to the same report of the retirement research center, per capitaexpenditure actually increases in empty nests, which means that there is just not as much money.

Empty nestors do not engage in their own financial caprications once their children leave; Many are always the responsibility of the invoice for their children. In fact, according to a 2015 survey of thePEW Research Center61% of American parents surveyed admitted to contributing to their adult children financially over the past year.

It's nice to imagine that your home is 100% over the moment your kids moved. For most Americans, however, this is not the case. A 2017 analysis ofZillow found that the number of empty nests with a mortgage has increased considerably since 2005, from 36.8.8% to 43.7% in 2015.

Although you could imagine that your years of post-child breeding goes to fly around the world, the most empty breeders find that they do not have enough time or funds to never endvacations. According to the AARP report, 48% of empty loosers soon empty said they had planned to travel more, but only 27%.

This needle or knit you hope that the master may have to stay on the rear burner indefinitely. Although 36% of the empty breeders interviewed by AARP stated that they intended to take a new hobby, or 13% following.

Even once your children come out of your home, you can still find yourself selling with more parenting tasks than expected. A 2002 study on maternal mental health published in theNursing Journal Tzu Chifound that some mothers cooked again for their children as a way to cope once they left at home. Old habits have hard life!

Although you are currently eager to put the tones not so-dulcet to slam doors behind you, the silence you encounter as an empty deny may not be a welcome replacement.

"As a empty net, one of the things that will surprise you is tranquility," says a certified mental health expert and a family care specialistAdina Mahalli, MSW. "I do not mean that the calm that comes less people speaking together during a meal. I also talk about tranquility throughout the house - television andWashing machine Run less, no slapping doors, no foot noise on the top. It's a difficult thing to adjust. "

Just because your children aretechnically Adults do not want to say that you're goingStop worrying about them Once they left the nest. In theNursing Journal Tzu Chi Research, the concern for the safety of a child was a major show and an invoice among the empty nesting interrogated.

According to the AARP survey, many empty nests found themselves frequently - and of course - worried about the well-being of their children after leaving home. But what they may not have been able to expect 76% of these people have found that they still had another concern of dealing with over time: the fear that these adult children end up to return to. And once your own children left home, it's time to attack these40 changes of life you should do after 40.

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