All common parenting tips you should always ignore
All parental wisdom are not as wise as it seems.
That you work or workstay at home, having a child or five years, being a parent is rarely what anyone would consider easyjob. The hours are long, the work is unpaid and there is no Human Resources Department to report when the boss inevitably becomes offline at one point or another.
And unfortunately, one of the things that make parenthood even harder is to place through the abundance of misinformation that you will get people otherwise intentional. What to feed your children how to make them sleep to manipulate bullies, all the parenting you'd better ignore.
1 "Treat each child the same thing."
Although it may seem "just", treat your children exactly the same rarely works. According to a certified mental health consultant and a family care specialistAdina Mahalli Maple holistics, it is more important to treat children as individuals and attend accordingly. And yes, it can mean spending tons of time with a child while giving more room. "Do not be afraid to see every child for whom they are really and what they really need," suggests Mahalli.
2 "Give only children's serving if they have completed their dinner first."
Of course, you may not want your child to live with ice cream, but to tell them that they need to finish an entire meal for the dessert to lead to poor disease.eating habits overtime. Although it is the work of a parent to decide what is served, "the child draws to decide if they eat it and how much," saysJen O'Rourke, MFT, a parent educator and a child psychotherapist based in Indiana.
This means that if you have decided to have a given night dessert, O'Rourke says, "Serve, regardless of whether they ate a" dessert dinner should not be a reward, it should be just a part of dinner to The opportunity. "
3 "Keep only healthy food at home."
Of course, each parent wants their children to behealthy eaters. However, if you look like less healthy foods can never be appreciated, it can give them an unexpected illicit call. By exposing your children to treats from time to time, you will "delete the forbidden fruit" and make them less likely to sneak, "says Mahalli.
4 "Always do your children clean their plates."
Although it can be frustrating to have a child who regularly wasted the food, forcing them to eat everything on their plate is not better for them in the long run. In order to teach children a healthy relationship with food, children need to "learn to honor all the feeling," says the therapist in mental healthCarla Buck, Ma, founder ofWarrior brain. "To feel completely satisfied with life and after a meal is one of the smallest joys of life. Do not store them with instructions to erase their plates, even after their full."
5 "If your child has an angry crisis, ignore it."
Children are not perfect for emotional regulation - hence thetears, screaming and hitting, they tend to do when they aretiredness, hungry or upset. However, it is not intentional manipulation. "A child with an angry crisis suffers and uncontrollable," says O'Rourke. She notes that parents "should not abandon a child who is still developing logic and reasoning skills."
6 "Do not occupy your baby every time they cry."
Tempt to give the mourning of your child can do more harm than good. "When children cry, they communicate any number of different messages - I.E.: Pain, hunger, discomfort, fear, confusion, distress, sadness, excitement," saysMayra MendezPh.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and a program coordinator for intellectual disabilities and development and mental health services toChild Development Center and the Saint John Providence Family In Santa Monica, California. "A response from a caregiver to a child of tears supports the construction of trust in thelove relationship Between caregiver and child. "
7 "Too much affection spoils a child."
Do you want to hold and cuddle and coo to your baby all day? Go ahead - the idea they will become spoiled by your affection is unfounded, according to the scientistSamantha Radford, Ph.D., founder ofEvidence-based mom.
"Babies are biologically designed to be kept and transported," she says. "Children who have the most separationanxiety These are not those who are frequently kept, but those who are told to harden it. "
8 "Give praise to your children to stimulate self-esteem."
Renting every little thing your child can have unexpected consequences. "It's counter-intuitive, but a constant praise current does not actually help your child," says Radford, who notes that a child may lose their intrinsic motivation if they suffer too much praise for all that they do. Instead, she suggests using neutral observations, as noting how much a child seems to be proud of a child.
9 "Make sure they have a strict routine - and paste it!"
While sticking to a regulation routine can make things easier for parents, it's not necessarily beneficial for long-term children. "A child with a strict routine will not adapt," says Buck. "They need to learn to ride with punches."
10 "Always keep your busy children or they are going to get into trouble."
While doing your unsupervised children for long periods may encourage them to seek someActivities less than supraisOn excessive planning can be a problem too.
"Much more important for children's development, especially in the early years, is an unstructured period to play for free, by itself and with other children," said therapistRaffi Bilek, LCSW-C, Director of theBaltimore Therapy Center. "The game is essential for children to develop the interpersonal and intrapersonal skills they need to prosper in adults." In fact, a 2014 study published in the magazineBorders in psychology Suggests that the unstructured part leads to better self-employment in the long term.
11 "Prepare them to fight."
Does your child deserve to defend themselves if they are in danger? Sure. Does this mean that they need to punch because someone is picking? Definitely not. "Teaching your [Kid] to be strong and capable does not look like this," says Buck.
Instead, teach them to use the appropriate channelsteachers,counselorsOr parents - to ensure that the situation does not come out of the hand and help them understand that any type of physical interaction is a last absolute remedy, only to be used in case of serious danger.
12 "Learn them to ignore their intimidators."
Despite what many parents have heard, the silent treatment is not theintimidative Kryptonite can hope that this is either. "Trying to ignore the intimidator is rarely successful," says Bilek. His suggestion? "Help them identify people from their school and their personal circles that can reach for help."
13 "Spank your children or they will not learn to respect others."
There are many ways to teach your children respect, but spanking is not one of them. According to a 2017 study published in the newspaperPsychological scienceChildren who were spanked at the age of 5 had higher behavioral problems the following year and three years later than those who did not receive corporal punishment.
14 "When your child bite you, morde them."
As strange as it may seem to some, many parents really believe - and will repeat - that a child who bite must be bitten to have a taste of their own medicine. The problem is that if you dorce your children, it's pretty hard to convince them that it does not go in the first place.
According to Buck, any type of approach "Eye for Eye" of parenthood - especially when it comes to potentialphysical injury to a child - will give more problems than it solves.
15 "Do not worry too much, it's only a phase."
Will your child eventually stop draw on the walls and start sleeping at night? Of course, but that does not mean that every behavior is only a phase.
"A wait approach and see can be detrimental during critical learning periods," said Mendez, who notes that, when there are development concerns, early intervention is the best way to ensure that children do not fall too far behind. In this way, if there is a question of development at stake, the whole family can get the support they need.
16 "Put the baby to sleep but they are comfortable."
While your baby may have a time easier to go to sleep on their stomach, put them in this way could have a serious danger for their well-being. In fact, since the American Academy of Pediatrics has implemented their "Back to sleep" campaign in 1994, which encourages parents to put babies sleeping on their backs, Peid deaths have been reduced close to 50%, according to research published in the newspaperPediatrics.
17 "Never wake up a sleeping baby."
While you probably should not wake up a baby who has just descended a nap for pleasure, this is not particularly suitable for the newborn phase.
"Newborns who have not yet found their weight at birth or those that could be at risk of jaundice, must be nourished every two to three hours in the first days and sometimes weeks," explainsAmanda Gorman, CPNP, Founder and CEO ofCollaborative nest. "Allow babies to sleep in food could result in food and growth problems that have serious health consequences."
18 "Sleep when the baby sleeps."
It seems to be such a good idea - as long as you hear that repeated ad Naifeam if youhave a baby. The only problem is that babies are noisy, sniffying, agitated sleepers who will often whistle for three hours in the afternoon, then only 20 minutes the next time they are deposited. So, unless you want your sleep fit and you like going to bed for the night at 6 o'clock. - This advice does not need to be listened to.
19 "Use the whiskey to help with the pain of teething."
Although "do not give alcohol for children" could be an intuitive message to some people, there are many others who still believe that whiskey is an appropriate remedy for the pain of teething. While alcohol can have analgesic properties, there are many products out there that you canlegally Give to help your baby with their dentition pain that does not have the risk of serious physical injury.
20 "The chest is the best."
Although there are many benefits to breastfeeding, the "chest is the best" mentality only makes parents who can not - or choose to non-breastfeeding a feeling of breastfeeding. 'Origin of their children. In fact, despite the widespread notion that breastfeeding is the key to raising a genius, a 2018 study published inPlum medicine Indicates that at 16 years ago there is no difference in Qi between babies fed to formula and fed to the formula.
21 "Learn them from dangerous foreigners."
Obviously, you do not want your child to come out with someone who promises a piece of candy or apuppy. That said, the concept of "foreign hazard" is not useful, either. "Rather than teaching your child to fear the people she does not know, it's far better to teach him from an early age in using his intuition to determine if a new person (or a person She knows, on this subject), feels safe and trustworthy, "says personal security lawyerCJ Scarlet, author ofThe Bad *** Girl Guide: Little Community Strategies to get out of predators.
By teaching your children that they do not have to fear all foreigners, you also allow them to look for appropriate help if they are still in a dangerous situation and have no adults they know nearby .
22 "The boys will be boys."
Assuming your children are intended to behave specifically because of their gender, their sex can configure them for more problems than you could expect. Strengthen strict definitions of its kind, as some colors or activities belonging to boys or girls, creates "stereotypes and bias that are not conducive to respectful collaboration," said Mendez.
Instead, the promotion of egalitarian gender values can contribute to "instilling in children the necessary knowledge later in life to make choices and decisions that support their gender identification," adds.
23 "Tell them that he is rude not to kiss family members."
Forcing children to kiss people, they do not just want to indicate that they do not allow them to say what happens when it comes to their body. Sure,grandmother or grandfather can really want the hug, but "respect for borders and teaching consent means that children should never be forced to physically engage if they do not wish," says the psychiatristDr. Lea LisFrom Southampton, New York.
24 "Do not teach your sex children until they are ready to be sexually active."
Teaching children on sex is not going to make them sexually active - and in fact, telling them that these lessons of biology at an early age can reduce the amount of shame associated with sexuality while helping them to acquire borders. LIS suggests introducing the concept of consent at a young age and later adding topics such as intimacy and STDs to conversation.
25 "Stay together for children."
Is a beneficial stable house for children? Absoutely. Does that mean they want better with two parents who are in the throat of each than two happysingle parents? Absolutely not. "Children learn to cope with life looking at you in life," says Buck. According to her, the most important thing is a healthy home without chaos. And if you are considering a spouse's split, make sure you know these33 important ways to prepare your children at divorce.
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