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As a younger member of a large family living in Ohio in the 1990s, Ehron Ostendorf had to fight regularly to get attention. But never the observer eager - he is now working as a journalist-Ostendorf has seen his opportunity to stand out early enough with Christmas.

Over the years, he took note of the importance of his family holidays, who often worked tirelessly to make every perfect Christmas event. And so, as he grew up in a responsible adult, Ostendorf decided to surpass them all and provide the best Christmas experience for his family they had ever had.

Ostendorf organized Christmas and dinners created his own "Christmas mood plan", filled his house with a vast collection of DVDs and Christmas-related albums, and created what he calls the Party "First Christmas", which is launched the day after Halloween, November 1st.

His dedication that exceeds, believe it or not, came with an insidious dark side. The excitement gave way to stress, which gave way to a bad judgment. At one point, he almost killed by driving nine o'clock through the ice and the snow just to see his grandmother for a Christmas party. (More on this below.)

However, fast forward and Ostendorf moved to Germany, where it will spend public holidays this year with only a few close friends and relatives who promised a low-end Christmas without any of the stress and anxiety accompanied.

If you are guilty of an insatiable desire for vacation holidays to be a more perfect perfection, let the lessons of Ostendorf be your voice of caution. Here, in his own words, are the ways in which his perfectionism taught him valuable lessons on family and identity - and what is the holiday season.

And for more ways to avoid bringing undesirable stress into your life this holiday season, check these15 The largest vacation depression triggers you have never experienced.

Every year, it seems thatThe thought of a white Christmas Make me laugh. Although I never felt as if I could fully enjoy the snow without worrying about the annual road of my grandmother's house in rural Georgia. Ohio, this reader is about 9 am - just for a Christmas party. And, lo and here, every December has perfectly adequate - until the few days surrounding Christmas,law When I should have struck the road.

Two years ago, despite the knowledge that the weather would become in my travels, I crossed the trip, forced to think that if I did not show myself at the party, my family would think I had just had just been lazy. I wanted to show them that I worried, despite knowing that my little car would not be able to do this.

In my mist, I plead you, I hit a rut and I lost control of my car. My car spun in front of a snow plow. Fortunately, there was a right to the ramp as I lost control, then my car ended up in front of the snow plow and slowed down, because of the inclination of ONRAMP. Needless to say, I should not have undone this terrible time if it was not for the obligation I felt of driving at Christmas dinner - a trip that I have now put less stress on me -Même to do. And for more personal words of advice on the difficulty of the holiday season, checkHow I face with Christmas depression every year.

All the family dynamics changed a holiday season when my grandfather, who had been recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, came to live with our family. And, of course, as someone who wants to make the holiday season a perfect experience for everyone, I took it on myself to make sure he was completely comfortable at home.

Cooking to go shopping for himsoMany trips to the pharmacy - I succeed in some way to put me in the driver's seat of his destiny, even when there were many other people ready to launch and help. My desire to do everything and everyone feels perfect makes me rejecting the idea of ​​asking for help, because I assumed it meant that I accepted the defeat, which I realize now was my first mistake . The stress never accept the help of someone finally made me feel like a failure.

Despite the feeling as if I had everything under control in December, my dog, Soka,A black laboratory / mix of CHOW, Always seems to get in the way. For example, a morning just before a party, I cooked holidays and prepare the food when he decided he wanted to play. I play with him for a while, but I had to call quickly closes. (It was time to reduce the potatoes.) Even as I said, "quite" and "either", he did not listen. Instead, he jumped on my hand to support his toy on me and accidentally bit my hand.

I can understand now that it was a stupid accident by a dog who wanted the affection of his gaming companion, I must admit that I lost control. Instead of managing the situation with calm, I leave the stress of the day consume, and I took it outdoors and placed it in the cold until I finished preparing food. Rather than really blaming my stress on my own trends to push me too far, I decided to reject the blame on my innocent dog. And for other ways to stay zen during the most stressful season of the year, consult these17 Tips for psychologists for the holiday stress.

As soon as I'm old enough to help prepare our holiday home, I took any responsibilitymanner too seriously. A year, I remember a storm of ice stunning power in my neighborhood. And with this literal loss of power has come a metaphorical loss of power over my founding responsibility.

I was hoping to have the time of the family we prepared dinner together. But we could not even use our own stove. I distinctly remember run around the house trying to make the holiday season as brilliant as possible without electricity. Despite the loss of power, the rest of my family seemed relaxed and took everything in the wake. Meanwhile, Imight not seem to relax, And I cherished wasted days with my angry family and full of resentment to a set of circumstances that I did not simply know how to write my control.

A few years ago, my aunt, my uncle and two cousins ​​from Arizona have appeared on the blue. Iwanted to To feel happy that my family was going to visit, but I started by insisting on all the means that a surprise visit would ruin my control. In my eyes, suddenly, without warning, I had to prepare my house for customers who might judge any disorder or any element that is out of order. Anxiety has become so much that even after their arrival, I spent more time with epilogging on their short stay in my house than trying to spend time with family members that I rarely see.

This year, however, I went to visit this side of the family, and their disorder, the house seemed to like to make me realize that sometimes sometimes a homeless house is not the most important of a family reunion. And for other ways to entertain your guests during the holidays, see these20 great fun ways to get the Christmas Eve.

A particular year, after tiring meThe setting up of Christmas decorationsThe finishing work before the holidays, and the cooking and cleaning for family members, I started to feel really sick. And of course, while I knew I was not immune toEveryone office receives each yearI also knew that nothing never prevents me from reaching all the objectives I put in place.

However,like my cold worsenedAnd my task list has grown up, my body finally told me that it had crossed enough. I leave the progress of cold, so that it lashes anothertwo weeks longer than your average cold of the head. The stress that I put my body through eventually gave way to a terrible cold that made me miss quite the party that I had been obsessed for months. Oh irony ...

Certainly, it will not surprise you, but I think it's hard to trust my big family with any type of party planning. Although this may seem a relatively minor concern, this part triggered my initial need to control all holiday appointments.

Most members of my family are relaxed people, but I'm still used to encourage arguments, usually when ordering them to put particular dishes or act in a certain way during the holidays. As I realize now, it has never been my place to do this, I do not transmit my stress and anxiety to others.

I distinctly remember chatting with a family member on green beans for at least thirty minutes, a fight that I wasnot Ready to lose right now. In my mind, all the holiday tables were supposed to look at the perfect image, when, in reality, it's not the food that was important, it's the time spent with family.

As a gay man, I am historically avoided conversations on my life of meetings with my extensive parents, Catholics. Although my immediate family seemed to accept this fact, I struggled to find a way to communicate with whom I really have been to my expanded family. So, of course, to keep the relationship with my family as I wanted and not to tarnish the holidays I loved so much - I would like to avoid questions about my dating life like any sported gay.

Over the years, my family members grew more persistent in their desire to find a "good woman". And while I always wanted to stay true to myself, my need for pleasure to please them in the way of this desire. It put a bomb of time on me, because each of my family members would go big ones in the family gatherings, while I was always mysteriously single. This meant at least for me that it was just a matter of time before starting to suspect - and I could not have that in the way of my holiday façade "perfect".

When they finally discovered that I was interested in men, after past years of my role, completely avoiding the subject, they stopped resolving myself about relationships. In fact, he turned this magical time to love family members spending some with others to "avoid giving cuddles to Ehron - he is thegaya. My family and I started spending more time having "close" or "intimate" family Christmas, instead of extended family meetings.

Now, I discovered that their problem is not with my sexuality, but actually lies with my attentive deception on who I really have, and that I had hidden from them for the longest period. My need to show them that I live a perfect life eclipsed any attempt that could have been made to make them a real part of my life.

Not only do I feel the need to control each part of the vacation season that I could, but when one of those attempts to perfection would well, I would often go back to a bottle of wine.

For example, when I arrived at Christmas a few years, I was ready to help with everything I could. But, it turned out that the enlarged family manipulated everything, so there was nothing for me to do. Feel out of control and want to keep feelings of anxiety and stress, I turned to a bottle of reliable wine.

Hours later, after which we are embarrassing several times throughout the dinner, I was beyond until the reality that I had to find better ways to manage my anxiety - which finally turned out to be a therapy and medication.

As a gay man, it is obvious that if I chose to have children, the adoption may be the most viable option. My aunt did not like the sound of that; After his provenance, she had always used to adopt an adoption in a negative light, quickly holding that she felt as if a child who was not worth it would not be worth. I let her completely trampling my feelings every year for fear that I would do in a certain way that I make him judge my choices of life, ruin any magic of Christmas in the air. Now, now that I am older, I learned to put aside my own need to please instead and keep me instead of things I believe in. And if you find a break from the holiday tradition this year, head. at one of theThe 23 most magical Christmas cities in America.

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