Good Lifestyle

It's not a secret thatparenthood is one of the most difficult work. And no matter how consciousness and prudence, a parent can be, they are required to make mistakes here and there. Although there are no set of instruction for parental good - like every child, and every family is different - there are some behaviors that a parent can, and should work to avoid. We talked about a host of family experts to identify the most frequently committed parenting sins. So, read it, and if you find yourself identifying with one of the following behaviors, do not be too hard on yourself. The important thing about making mistakes is to learn from them.

A parent can have the best advice in the world for his children's advice for the way they should deal with others, suggest how to behave themselves when they struggle or sincere calls that they stay away from the cigarettes. But it's very good if they are justtell their children to do these things rather thandisplay them by their own behavior.

"Too often, parents tell their children what to do instead of modeling behavior," saysDr. Richelle Whittaker, LSSP, LPC-S, an educational psychologist, a mental health therapist and a parent educator toProvidential consulting and consulting services, PLLC in Houston, Texas. "Unfortunately, children tend to reflect the behavior of their parents more than they listen to what they tell them. If parents want their children to engage in healthy behaviors, such as treating others with kindness , model the behavior. "

Multiple part of growing is to learn that actions have consequences. This helps a child learn when something they do have a negative impact on others or lead to less than desirable results. But often, the parents-who, to be fair, seek to protect their children - combat the battles of their children for them, dealing with the consequences themselves or finding a way to help their child avoid confronting them.

"Children grow up to be adults and it's important that they learn early that there are consequences for their choices," said Whittaker. "Most parents want their children to grow become self-employed and self-sufficient adults, but it will only happen if parents give their children to face the consequences of their choices and actions."

"Children aspire their parents' attention even when their attitude does not reflect it," says Whittaker. She advises "spend 10 to 20 minutes of quality time every day with your child. [This] allows them to know that they are important and not only that you like them, but enjoy spending time with them."

The key word here is "quality". Parents should pass these minutes to give their children with their entire attention, without sitting in front of the television or keep an eye on them while manipulating work calls.

Technology is an essential part of our lives, to provide us with entertainment to help us manage daily tasks. But too often, parents can let the technology take the end of technology and that it can also dominate the time spent with their children.

"We all want a little from time to time, to play our games, to watch Netflix or just as aflecly on oursmart devices, "saysPriyanka Upadhyaya, Psy D., a private psychologist practice in New York and New Jersey. "But when it comes to spending time with your children, let the technology outdoors. Create memories through quality time spending by making various activities, speaking and connecting with each other . Children will not remember whatlast phone You had them. They will remember the way they felt when they spent time with you. "

Parents want what's best for their children, but sometimes they could lose a prospect that "the best" means for them is what is "better" for their children. Whether it beCareer aspirations, sports and extracurricular activities, or social interactions, parents can push their children to do thingsthey or they They want them to have done in their youth, instead of letting their children the space to understand their own desires.

"We are often starting to think of our children as our" second chance "to succeed in fulfilling these goals," saysLucia Giovannini, a doctor in psychology and advice and the author ofA whole new life. "That makes children feel torn between what they would like to do and what their parents want them to do. When you want to give your child's advice to make life choices, simply check with yourself for Make sure you define your own goals and be present for him instead. "

Just as parents can project their desires to their children, they can do the same with their fears. "Parents will inadvertently createfears or anxiety at their children by granting extreme caution or requests to avoid certain animals or places, "explains the psychologistDr. Alicia Hodge, which is based in Washington, D.C. "Since children are turning to their parents to model emotions and safety information, extreme reactions can generate a sense of fear of specific objects or the world in general."

"Too often, we make assumptions about support techniques and environments without asking if they are adapted to the specific needs of the child," saysMona Mr. Delahooke, a pediatric psychologist in California and author ofBeyond behaviors. It urges to take a more personalized approach in manipulating children: understanding individual quirks of a child and discipline and awards to best adapt these special needs.

"This idea of ​​personalizing approaches is now popular in the medical field," said Delahooke. "Providing generic techniques, even if they are useful to some children, are often insufficient for children who have difficulty in emotional and behavioral regulation. Understand that the individual differences of each child helps us to adapt our relational and therapeutic approaches. "

Although children are a special addition to a relationship, they are not a replacement for that. And one of the most common mistakes parents make "forget about feeding their relationship with their partner and simply focus on children," saysHeidi McBain, an approved marriage and a family therapist in the flower mound, Texas. Extra-caring attention The child is pale in relation to the effect that a healthy parental relationship could have on this child.

One of the best things a parent can do for their children "is to plan for themselves every day," according to McBain. This time "me" allows parents to avoid being outdated and frustrated by the parenthood requirements. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, a parent must take care of them before they can deal with others effectively.

Like most things, personal freedom becomes easier to handle with practice. That's why it's crucial to give children more and more a place to independence as they get older. "Although this is understandable only at an early age, you define borders", it is important to let these borders grow over time, saysDr. Vinay Saranga, Mr.D., psychiatrist for children and founder ofSaranga Full Psychiatry At APEX, North Carolina. Perhaps it may initially cause fear for both parties, let children "build their independence slowly" is more effective than waiting for them to teach both adulthood.

Because children are reactive, "it is sometimes easy to react almost immediately" to their behavior during a conflict, said Saranga. However, it is important to remember that children are also impressionable and always monitors. Instead of posting a reaction of "anxiety, anger or some insecurity," says Saranga, take the time to "think before reacting" and consider the consequences.

Of course, parents feel responsible for the well-being of their child, but that should not translate into restoration to every child's whims. "It's good to help them to some extent, but do everything for them eliminates the assessment," says Saranga, in addition to "building expectations [ING] very bad expectations".

"Every parent wants the best for their children and wants to protect them," says Saranga. But sometimes it is important to let them fail. In the long run, Saranga said that the best way to make sure they are able to handle errors - and cure these bumps and bruising themselves - is to leave them "dusty themselves and come back" Any slip -ups.

"Most of the time, children just want a voice," says Saranga. It means, taking the time to listen to what they have to say is a crucial part of asserting children. While their thoughts can be unpleasant, Saranga Notes, "at least give them the time of the day." And if something "really disturbs them, take it seriously," he urges - no matter how he may seem trivial.

"Yelling is never helpful," saysDr. Lori Whatley, an authorized marriage and a family therapist. Although it may feel like you're increasing the volume, you can help driving home a point, it does not "cause [s] anxiety," she notes. In addition to aggravating the disagreement by hand, it does not "for the parent-child relationship".

"Parents who are waiting for the perfection of their children will be sorely disappointed," says Whatley. And it's just not a realistic goal. In addition, in doing so "can bring their child to become frustrated and worried," make them more likely to avoid trying new things rather than "miss the brand parent pushes." As a result, the child will begin to feel as if it were a failure, resulting in a serious self-esteem.

"When a child asks you to buy a new toy, you may want to comply and make them happy," says Saranga. And although it is good to do it from time to time, he warns "" do not do a regular thing. "It is important to teach children the value of working for the things they want, not just have tense them.

If a child does not get what they want, they often try, then try again, and again, and again, launch an endless cycle. However, it is important that parents do not give up to their requests to help "create a connection," says Whatley. If the child is angry, so be it; Give teaches to children they can "manipulate to get what they want," she notes.

A single common mistake parents do not speak to their children "scary things in the world," explainsCarole Lieberman, M.D., author ofLions and tigers and terrorists, oh my! How to protect your child in time of terror. She calls this "The 'Bird and The Bees' Talk for the 21st century." While parents would like to think that children will never come into contact with firearms violence, for example, it's a "parental rationalization" to avoid the subject ", thinking that he "Scare their children". Instead, it's a good idea to hire the subject because it's "a fact of life too," says Lieberman.

Often when a child asks his parents of sex ", we are so caught in our concern that we do not give them the information they are looking for," saysJill Whitney, an authorized marriage and a family therapist. This teaches a child that they can not look to their parents to answer the answers, which means they will seek less famous sources, Whitney warns. In addition, if they feel they did something wrong by asking, they "can start to become embarrassed or ashamed of their body or sexuality," says Whitney, "and that shame can interfere with sexual lives. possible. "

Dr. Joni Redlich, a clinical specialist and pediatric physicotherapist certified by the New Jersey Board of Directors, said she saw "an increase in development delays, dishes on the heads and torticollis (inclination of the head)" because of the overuse of baby equipment. Instead of transporting a child from a car seat into a swing at an inflatable seat, parents should allow the children of time "on the ground" or in an "old point of view". If a parent feels the need to use baby equipment, she advises doing it sparingly.

Children respond to clear and consistent borders - and also have a keen sense for when they can go through these limits and get out. When a parent says to their child, they can not have ice cream before dinner, but rejected once the kid is asking enough, the kid will make a habit of pushing the parent as much as possible.

"Children learn more about our actions than our words, so it's important for us to keep the two congruents," says Connecticut-based psychotherapistVictoria Shaw. "If you say to your child," The bedtime is at 7:30 to 19:30 - No exceptions ", you are ready to be ready to follow. Children feel safer when expectations are consistent and they know what to expect. "

When it comes to encouraging good behavior in children, actions speak much stronger than words. It is true in the modeling of the good behavior of children, but it is also true when it comes to telling children whatnot to do.

"Parents should avoid entrusting their children," says Shaw. "During your child's discipline, it's important to keep your words at a minimum. Something more than a few sentences and children will give you most likely." According to Shaw, plus a parent speaks, the more opportunity there is an opportunity to misinterpret their words or to conclude that all they say is open to negotiation. That's why it's better to be clear and coherent and let your actions speak for themselves. And for more wisdom sage mom-and-dad, learn everything on the 30 parental errors worse than everyone is doing .

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