Good Lifestyle

Have children is a transformer event undeniably. The second that the package of joy takes his first breath, you suddenly pushed into a brand new role, more precisely, unpaid, 24/7/365, which begins to drop when you recorded 18 years. If this gives you a break, you will need to seriously consider your answer to a question to change of life: "Am I ready for a baby?"

"Parenting is a changing event. Although parenthood can be one of the most amazing and rewarding periods of your life, it's a major responsibility you need to prepare," says the mental health counselor Authorized and the coach of lifeDr. Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D. "You will never be" ready "to have a baby. You will always wonder if you will be a good mom or dad, if you win enough money, and fear will never fail to run in your Spirit with a zillion else "and if" questions. But these thoughts are well and perfectly normal ".

However, while interviewing your own ability to love and nourish could be a good thing, there are many warning signs that you may have missed that significant parenting should not be your next project. So, before you start planning this nursery on Pinterest, make sure you know these signs that you are not ready to have children.

While parenthood does not mean you never in a concert, a Michelin starry restaurant or a movie that starts after 8:00. Once again, it may mean that some of the things you enjoyed, at least for a moment.

"It's good to be selfish. Selfishness has a bad reputation in our society, but sometimes selfishness can make you a mother or a dad better prepared on the road," says Dr. Kulaga. "For example, it's correct to want to travel the world, spend time with a new spouse, get your education and get into your profession before having a child. And, during these periods of your life, you must be Aboriginal so that you can complement some major life goals that will allow your future and future family on the road. If you are in a phase of your life that requires you to be a little selfish, kiss it, go ahead, and think about having a family later. "

If your savings account seems particularly anemic, you are not alone - in fact, according to the search forBanking rate, 55% of Americans do not have enough money to cover even three months unemployed. However, if you are not ready to start making any major changes to your expenses and save habits, it's a good sign that you are not ready to have children. After all, childcare, doctors travel and even layers can be seriously added, especially if you are not prepared for these additional expenses.

"Children are expensive," says Dr. Kulaga. "Even the very basic needs such as formula, food, layers, clothing and health care can be thousands. You must have money in savings to prepare you for accidents and problems that you come from Can not think of. For future parents who do you want children, you will never automatically feel ready for baby, so you do not need tens of thousands of people in the bank before taking the jump in parenthood But you need a cushion to protect you for emergencies. "

Children are many things, but predictable is rarely one of them. If you like to make plans for several weeks or months in advance and find yourself frustrated when they are canceled at the last minute, it may be time to re-evaluate if children are a good choice for you yet . An ear infection, an angry crisis or injury can all derail these plans faster than you can say "ticket insurance".

They say it takes a village to raise a child and it's undeniably true. From babysitters to family members at nearby friends, it really takes a surprising number of adults to manage even a single child. However, if you are not the type to ask for help, even when you desperately need it, you can end up drifting (possibly on a frequent basis) when you have children and have inevitably needed a hand.

"You can not do it alone. You will need support systems or you break down. When you have children, you need doctors, friends, points of sale, community, local resources , of the education system, and from cetera, et cetera, says Dr. Kulaga. "The whole village is lifting this one a little human. If you do not have support systems, hate to ask for help or do not like where you live, you will want to reconsider having children right now. You can have children, but first put resources in place so you have the support you need to raise this child to the best of your abilities. "

For many people, knowing that you are looking for, it's amazing, but you need to be necessary, it's a less enjoyable experience. If you are considering the idea that someone could really depend on you daily less than enthsisianity, you may want to wait a moment before taking the step and start a family.

While many families move with their children, there is something to say to provide stability during your child's training years. To be able to pack and go to a moment of notice will probably be a thing of the past when your child has school, friends and a life of their own nature that they do not want to uproot each time your vagabond is waiting.

"It can be fun, interesting and such a cultural experience to move from home to the house, from the city to the city, state to the state and even country in country, but when you have a child It's hard to do, "said Mr.. Kulaga. "Children often flourish stability. It decreases anxiety in their homes, school and friends of life when you offer more stability for a child. If you just want to get up and move because you come from you Raise and move, now no time to have children. "

Before children, weekends can be used pretty much if you wish. You can sleep late, drop $ 100 on brunch, starting day, drink before most people are even out of bed, or if you are so inclined to the office to catch up. After children, there are piano courses, medical appointments, reading boards, football cups and countless other children centered on children who will quickly make the lazy Sundays a thing of the past.

Children can make a closer relationship, but what they will not do is repair the one who is already at his point of rupture. Although there are countless single parents who start the process alone or split after the birth of their child, if your relationship is on rocky soil, a child will certainly do nothing better.

"If you want a child to keep a relationship that goes, it's a huge sign that you are not ready for children," says Dr. Kulaga. "A child brings a new level of responsibility that is not easy for a couple, especially a couple in Turmande - to manage. If you are going to have children, you want your relationship to be strong and in a very confident place: In this way, you can give the child the attention they will have to have early (and for the next 18 years!). "

As if it were or not, having a child means that you will inevitably be introduced to dozens if not hundreds of new people during the first years of their lives alone - and many of them will want to know you better. Classmates to teachers to parents who want to set up playdates, your life will suddenly be flooded with fresh faces - and if you are not ready for that, it may be a good idea to reconsider your timing.

Although it is nice to imagine that you and your child you will hear as many friends, the fact is that parenthood and friendship are just not the same - and that means you will have to accompany you and take in Load, even when it feels foreign to do that. Simply imagine: if you can not even choose where dinner, how are you going to make important choices about another person's health and safety over the next two decades?

There is no reason to assume that you will not be able to continue your career once you have children, but that does not mean that your work life will not change. A sick child, a daycare that closes for a snow day or discovers that you prefer to stay at home once the baby is born, can all launch a key in this climb of the company's scale that you have envisaged.

The choice between way of course on the career of the career or staying at home with your children is difficult for any parent to do, but everything from the disease to emotional needs to economic needs, can change these best plans deposited before d 'Have a baby in an instant. . So if you have feelings of judgment on home stay parents or working parents, it might be helpful to explore this before having a child and know that you are stuck in a very different role. that you had imagined.

Are there tons of adorable things about having children? Absoutely! You will get painted artistic artistic projects, a ton of warm "just because" cuddly and an adorable refuge of "I love you" during a life. You will also be vomited on. If you are ready for only the old and not it, you are not ready for children.

The idea of ​​having a family is a comforting to many people, but that children do not guarantee that it will be happy trails here. While you will have to deserve these children for the rest of your life, nothing guarantees that your other significant will stick - after all, children can constitute a serious source of stress, even on or prodger relationships.

Even if you have a big house for your potential children to have their own rooms, it does not mean that these are the only places that your kids will meet. Before you know, you will have a tent in your bedroom, a toy box in your living room and various reminders of your small existence dispersed in your home - not an ideal image for most netniks or assets.

Although, for many people, having children is exactly what you do when you have met the right person or have a certain age, if they are your main reasons to have them, you are not ready. Having children is a lifelong commitment, and the one who rarely works simply because someone felt in a hurry to do it. "It's not to want children. Our company has a great way to do people, especially women, to feel like it was their" work "to have children," says Dr. Kulaga.

Children do a lot of wonderful things, butRelieve stressis rarely one of them. If you already feel like you're in your head with other aspects of your life, you're probably not ready for children; From the time commitment to the financial strain, they can cause, it is unlikely that you find yourself less stressed after their arrival of a new baby.

"If one thing in this world will press your buttons, it's a colonic and screaming baby who did not let you sleep in two weeks!" said Dr. Kulaga. "Babies grow the buttons. They cry for apparently no reason, younger children take everywhere five to 35 minutes to tie their shoes and every child never born will get rid of your carpet, spit on you before working and hitting and Scream in the island five of the target. If you are a very responsive person who is a lot angry, take the time to work on the search for points of sale for your anger, more and more patience and minimize The aspects of your life that cause anxiety before having a child before having a child. "

A little time alone can do most people a world of good. So abundant hour alone is not negotiable for you, you may want to change your calendar to become a parent. Even the quietest children and the most sedicates will need you on the occasion of the inappropriate, and all you need is a fight against a toy or knee scratched to transform this silent afternoon Well silent that you hoped to enjoy a Creek cacophony.

The fulfillment can come from many things from life, a great career to a satisfactory relationship, but if you think that having a child necessarily means that you will get there, you are likely to find you disappointed. While increasing children can be an undeniably fulfilling process, counting on to change to what extent you are satisfied with other aspects of your life is a disaster recipe.

Even as adults, the desire to please your parents can be an extremely motivated motivation factor. But in the end, even if they are very involved in your child's life, it's you who will raise these kids, not your parents, so it's worth thinking twice beforeGive the requests of your parents that they become grandparents.

"Often you may find that they are the people closest to you, like your parents and siblings, who want you to have a baby. Parents could dream of becoming grandparents, but you must You remember it, it's their dream and you can not live your life for other people. Everyone has his own passions and his own passions on this earth and they are not all the same. If you do not have That children, because the company says you have to do that, it's a sign that you do not have to take the parenting jump, "says Dr. Kulaga.